AIBU to want a gentler health/weight discussion

[argumentativefeminist]

Want to interact with others and get support/motivation for getting healthier and active, and in the process losing weight. But I absolutely don't want to hear any "diet culture", calorie counting or unhealthy disordered eating promotion. Surely I can't be the only one? Sometimes it seems like every thread I click on is just full of upsetting, unhelpful comments that sound like they could have been lifted from a thinspo website.

A very excellent motto there Verbena. I'm glad you're feeling some self love - all women are immensely beautiful in their own ways, or at least that's my philosophy! Revel in all your sweaty gloriousness 👸🏃‍♀️

Oh I’m pretty relaxed, the kitchen was fitted two months ago and still isn’t ‘finsihed’ It will take a while til we can afford to tile but he’s not even put up the splash back, or fixed the cupboard to the wall.

I bought some farmhouse doors 2 years ago and he’s installed three... out of 15 of them!! We will get there but bloody right if he’s off work I will be expecting some DIY to be finished

all women are immensely beautiful in their own ways absolutely, but still it was lovely to see my body look familiar again - bits of it back to a familiar before and other bits newly abundant but all looking right together and feeling like my own. Hard to explain. Radical physical changes are deeply weird to grow through.

camel that sounds good, I miss the farmhouse doors from our old house.

That is a lovely feeling Verbena and one that I've only experienced the first time round, when I went from being a young teen who just existed in a skin suit to being a woman who can look in the mirror with a determined sense of self and go "Hey that's me and I like that". It was a super weird feeling and I can imagine that finding that sense of yourself and your body that feels most comfy to you after a massive physical change like a pregnancy is even stranger - but also a very empowering and happy moment. Brains and identities and bodies are so fascinating.

Partly on the back of this and partly just in general, since we talk about bodies and sense of self here quite a lot as well as exercise and health, I want to make it clear that I dont know a single thing about the pregnancy and baby related experiences a lot of you have/are going through and I hope I never give you advice or platitudes that don't sit well with that experience or make it sound like I'm talking over your experience. If I do - call me out! "It's like, basically the rules of feminism" 😂

I’ve never felt like you dole out platitudes and I think it’s good to have a range of experiences on here. All good as far as I’m concerned!

can i join pls?
I dont really want to talk about weight diet but i would like support /advice in becoming fitter. I've been on crutches for a decade and have NO core strength at all. So some company whilst i try to sort that would be lovely?

Of course you can ARoomSomewhere! That sounds really hard, but I'm sure we'll help you however we can!

I’m no oil painting but my body grew four little humans

Plus I managed to travel the world without much hassle from men and I don’t think it affected the man I married.

Health is what I’m after. I’m quite happy with my lumpy weirdness

thank you! argumentativefeminist

I'm after health, more flexibility / strenth and feeling better in my skin.

That sounds like you'll fit right in ARoom! Feel free to just call me AF or argy or whatever you fancy really 😂 a professional dancer friend of mine was on crutches for over a year, so I'll ask her if she has any advice for exercise to build your core back up!

Aroom have you had kids? Have you checked for Distastis Recti?

I can give you some core strengthening exercises, I’m a physio (sort of)

Arooom I’m a big fan of Pilates for restoring a knackered core - and agree with camel that I’d you’ve been pregnant get checked for diastis before you start.

*if

Pilates is great IF you have a good instructor and your DR isn’t bad.

I am having to do a four week abs development course while wearing a brace to try and get my stomach muscles to knit together, the separation is huge and Pilates/CrossFit/life has simply made it worse.

The only exercise you can do without making it worse is sex... but who wants to do that for 8 hours a week

Maybe we should all be having more sex lol. Verbena if you’re right (and i’m sure you are) that an orgasm = 60-100 calories and you had one per day, wouldn’t that be 1lb loss per week? Sounds like you’ve had a difficult ttc journey. I’m just at the start of having investigations so having a blood test to check progesterone levels soon. I’m trying to concentrate on being as healthy as I can. It feels quite scary thinking of the changes that your body goes through during pregnancy and birth. If I thought about it too much, i’d probably change my mind! Glad you’re feeling better in your own skin. That is so important, especially for women. There’s lots of pressure on us to look a certain way I think.

Welcome to the newbies. You’ll find a lot of support on this thread. Af I don’t think you give meaningless platitudes either. You always sound very wise to me.

Camel my hubby starts lots of DIY projects that seem to take forever to finish. He’s brilliant though - can turn his hand to anything.

Pilates is great IF you have a good instructor and your DR isn’t bad. yes to this too - my instructor is also a qualified physio and has specific training for pregnant and post-partum bodies so I think I (wrongly!!) assume most are as aware.

Pixie our journey to parenthood was a bit unusual as we were offered PGD on the NHS to avoid passing on a genetic condition my husband has, so although as far as they can tell we’re both fertile, we did IVF, then a wait while they biopsied and tested the embryos for the dodgy gene, then a frozen embryo transfer. It means I always feel a bit of an imposter in fertility conversations as I never experienced the stress of month-on-month ttc, but if you do end up going down the IVF route and want a handhold/“oh god, did you get this weird symptom?” conversation feel free to message me. Lots of luck x

I’ve had some dodgy Pilates teachers, asking people to do one handed bridges and planks when 18 stone and recently having given birth.

Pregnancy related issues aside Camel (which are definitely very important!) I hate hate hate fitness/Pilates/yoga instructors who think fat people can do whatever thin people can do if they try hard enough! I won't be able to do one handed plank for a long time, because that's a ridiculous amount of weight to put onto one hand and wrist. Likewise I'll never be able to bend toward when sitting and have my head reach my legs, even if I was super flexible, because my belly and boobs are in the way! 😂 arghh it aggravates me

I like pilates too. I get pain in my back and shoulder and find pilates really helps. I think I need to also do something that has more cardio though. We did some hillwalking on holiday and the DC raced up the hills while I was puffing and panting. I need to work on that aspect of fitness.

Thanks @Verbena I’m hoping we won’t need to go down that route, but will just have to see what happens. A friend of mine has been offered IVF, but she wants to give it a bit longer ttc first. It’s amazing that it’s offered and really glad it worked out for you & that you’ve got a healthy baby at the end of it. I’ve heard that it can be quite a gruelling process. Another friend had it, but unfortunately it wasn’t successful in her case.

I really enjoyed the Pilates session I went to last week. Hoping I can get back in - the class is always really busy.

I am ill again :(

Seriously having a bad month here guys!!

Stomach is super sensitive and sore :(

Oh camel what a bugger. Hope you feel better soon.

And pixie why not see if you can block book Pilates if you’re enjoying it? Then you don’t have to worry about getting a place each week.

Fingers crossed you won’t need IVF which, yes, is pretty intense - but it is doable. I do feel really lucky to have a success story.

apples I would have been huffing and puffing too and I do quite a lot of cardio videos! For some reason walking is way harder for me than actual exercise videos? If you're generally quite fit from Pilates it shouldn't be too hard to work some cardio into your routine though, because you've already got the muscle strength to help you out! Let us know how you get on 💕

Hope you feel better soon Camel 🌟

This post is random but I went food shopping last night and I had to google the names of some vegetables because I had no idea what they looked like 'in the wild' .

Ahem, anyway I KNOW WHAT FENNEL IS AND I COOKED IT. I thought dill was fennel...

The fruit and veg section is quite interesting to me now. I didn't know what english spinach was either...but I do now!

Liquorice I'm exactly the same! I tend to just stick with what I know, but when I go back to uni I'm going to try to go to the market more and find some different stuff!