Life after food addiction- an existential crisis.

[Cathena]

Hi everyone. I don’t know if anyone can help with this, I’m really just looking to see if anyone else has experienced it.

I’ve recently (mostly) overcome a lifelong food addiction, and I’ve discovered that I have a horrible feeling of emptiness left behind.

I’ve realised that food took up such a large portion of my brain, and now that’s gone I’m left with a bit of a void.

I’ve been trying to think of things to fill this void, hobbies and the like, but everything I think of is immediately followed by thoughts of ‘what’s the point of that, it’s not got any meaning’ which seems ridiculous- surely that argument can be made about most things! I can’t stop myself feeling this way, and as a result I’m finding myself feeling very low and lacking motivation. I’ve never had thoughts like this and it’s very unsettling. Has anyone else gone through this? Does it pass? I really don’t want to start using food to fill this void again.

For context- I have an amazing fiancé, a great family, good (but busy) friends, a reasonably well-paid but not overly intellectually stimulating job. So, from the outside at least, no real reason to be feeling this way. I just keep thinking ‘I’m not making a difference, I don’t have a passion in life’. It’s not a nice feeling at all, and I hate myself for the apparent realisation that, up until this point, my passion has been food.

I gave up sugar a year or so ago (I was totally addicted) and felt very bereft for a long time afterwards (and still do sometimes but not nearly as much these days). I have replaced it with exercise and that makes me feel better but obviously not in the same way. One thing that motivates me is how much less bloaty and lethargic I am and I'm taking a lot of pleasure in clothes again whereas when I was larger I used to dress to cover up.

Do you enjoy preparing food - baking etc? I have not overcome my lifelong struggle with food (so hats off to you for what you have achieved - but when I have been in a good phase I got a lot of pleasure from baking and especially intricately decorated cakes, icing sugar work etc - I got a massive buzz from feeling I had the power to handle and work with food/sugar without feeling enslaved or beholden to it and being unable to resist scoffing bits of it as I went along. Food as Art I suppose.

Alternatively you could find an Aloha course near you - a non threatening and pragmatic introduction to Christianity and exploring some of the big questions in life.

*Alpha not Aloha!