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How to be normal with food?!
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athingthateveryoneneeds · 19/01/2018 13:22

I grew up watching my dm go through diet after diet, anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, the lot. I didn't want to be like her, but I really, really am. :/ I haven't ever purged, but I've considered it. I've teetered on the edge of anorexia, but my disordered eating tends into the "eating my emotions" side of things.

I'm working on my issues, but I know I'm not the best example to my dc. How can I at least put on a veneer of normalcy for their sake? I'm worried I'm going to cause them all sorts of disordered food issues.

This poem keeps going round and round in my head today:

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

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athingthateveryoneneeds · 19/01/2018 16:05

Any thoughts? Experiences? I feel really down today.

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TalkinPeace · 19/01/2018 22:03

Meals : its all about meals

Make meals be sociable times where food is just one part of it.
Breakfast
on a school morning, set the kids up with a glass of milk and bowl of weetabix or porrige
as you get lunch organised nice cover for you not eating breakfast

at weekends : go for a full family meal - at the table, lots of chatting, no ^clean your plate

Lunch
On week days you are alone - a mug of soup or a bowl of salad

On week ends : bread and cheese and meats and sharing

Supper
THe main meal of the day : something you can all enjoy with varying portions and you having more salad than your DH

Snacking is out
Grazing is out
Treats are out
its about meals - focus on them and it starts to work

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athingthateveryoneneeds · 19/01/2018 22:19

We do have meals together, but it's easy to let the sociable side of it slip. Thanks. I'll work on that.

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TalkinPeace · 19/01/2018 22:29

Think French
It does not matter if they are colouring under the table
it does not matter if they are on screens between courses
what matters is that you are all wiffling along to each other

and NOT SNACKING
as snaking wrecks meals

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Jeffjefftyjeff · 19/01/2018 22:44

My maternal grandmother had a lot of food issues and, probably as a result, passed on to my my mum a weird relationship with food. But I wasn’t aware of this until an adult, and myself and younger brother in particular are total foodies. So there is no reason why you will necessarily pass things on. Things that may have helped:

Eating together as a family a lot. Meals for special occasions. Trying ‘weird stuff’ and being praised for it. Spending some time with/ talking about my dad’s family and their favourite meals (dad’s family loved food. We didn’t see them a lot but talked about them ie ‘is this gravy as good as grandmas’ etc). Watching food programmes on tv and trying recipes (with dad). Growing food, helping dad dig it up etc. I realise a lot of this is about my dad! Are you part of a couple? Are there others who could help you in ‘normalising’ meal times?

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athingthateveryoneneeds · 20/01/2018 09:12

I like the French way of eating!

Yes, I have a dh who loves to snack and hoards "treat" food for himself. It's not great. But I need to get him on board for sure.

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FlightyMare · 21/01/2018 16:25

Maybe have a look at the book Beyond Chocolate? It's about improving your relationship with food by rejecting diets and diet mentality.

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athingthateveryoneneeds · 21/01/2018 17:00

Never heard of it. Thanks for the recommendation.

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