Spent the weekend with slim people and I now see why I'm overweight

[ChristmasTreeLight]

After having spent the weekend with slim people, it appears that they:

a) don't need as much food to feel full,
I couldn't believe that after X amount of food, they were full - I could have happily carried on eating.

b) can go much longer between meals without eating,
At one point in the afternoon, I was ready to gnaw my arm off, I asked if anyone wanted to stop for a snack (thinking they'd be starving) but no, they were happy to keep going

c) don't crave sweet stuff in the way I do.
I I need sweet things as pudding, I was almost desperate for some chocolate, whereas again they just did not seem to feel that urge.

I am a size 14 and they are 8-10 and now I can see why. It's led me to wonder is it something innate, something physical? Are you just born like that, not to have the appetite or the sweet tooth? Am I simply fighting a losing battle in the vain dream of being a size 10 one day?

I have noticed that some of my 9 year old DD"s friends already have pretty bad habits ingrained. One friend in particular is almost obsessed by eating and it's very wearing.

When she comes here, I find most or all foods like ice lollies or crackers/nuts are eaten completely by the end of her visit.

I only really thought about it today as DD's had a new friend to sleep over and the new friend eats like DD....they ate their supper and an hour later had popcorn and hot chocolate and then went to sleep after a movie.

The other friend would have been asking for biscuits and sandwiches after popcorn.

I know her Mother gets her what she asks for and so I have no doubt that she feels hungry because she's used to eating large amounts.

Such an interesting thread.

@Wishingandwaiting, I think there are useful parallels to be drawn between eating and smoking, in terms of cravings, dopamine hits, normalising behaviours etc. Do you know the book Eating Less by Gillian Riley? She treats people for smoking addiction, but also uses similar tools to help people eat less. And she is absolutely about 'owning it'! So she says things like, every time you eat, you are making a choice. Nobody is forcing you. You can choose to eat that packet of Hobnobs, and thus you are choosing to experience a sugar high then a low, choosing to put on weight (if you do it often), choosing to feel bad about yourself, choosing to increase risk of T2 diabetes etc.

She also makes the link to self-esteem. Someoneway back on the thread made a point that Caitlin Moran has made - it is often women who use eating and food as a coping mechanism, as it only hurts themselves. There are risks around passive smoking. There are obvious risks re drinking/caring for kids/older relatives etc. If you secretly eat chocolate while making your kids' tea or before a difficult meeting with your boss or whatever, it can become a self-soothing thing, but ultimately be of no harm to others. Really interesting.

I am a great yoyo dieter. I have spent 20 years being on and off diets. My lowest was 12 stone (at Uni, anorexic behaviours though not actually that thin!) - my highest 17 stone (v depressed after a miscarriage). I usually sail between 14-15.5 stone. That is size 14-16 for me (tall, big frame). I feel amazing if I LCHF but I find it restrictive and expensive in terms of family eating, sadly.

I am the only person in my family who is overweight 😢 My mom and all my aunties love food and cooking, never eat crap or snack much, enjoy their meals, don't avoid any food group but do have not massive portions. I wish I could do that. I think about food and weight so much sometimes I feel I am wasting my life!

I like the idea of the No S diet because it feels time pretty much how people who are slim but enjoy food eat naturally.

Great post OP.

There are so many factors at play here and so many exceptions to the rule. Nutrition is complex and affects individuals in different ways.

For example, on the carbs issue my experience is so different. I love pasta. I know slim people who eat pasta and rice. When I cook pasta, I have two servings. And I don't put on weight. I guess I'm lucky. Or maybe carbs are not a problem for everyone?

My MIL used to spend months in Italy, where she cooked pasta, ate pizza, etc. never big portions, but all year there was never a meal on the table without carbs because her DH was diabetic. She was a small slim woman who had to shop at the Petite section of M&S.

Maybe huge amounts of food is more of a general problem. However... even for that there are exceptions.

My DAD has never eaten without bread, can´t do it, even when he has pasta on his plate! I tell him, pasta with bread!!??? But he just has to hold that piece of bread in his hand. And he says water is for fish (so it has to be wine, beer or cofee). And then he will eat two or three desserts (after a two or three course meal). And biscuits mid-morning and mid-afternoon. He's a feather of a man, always has been, my whole life I've been able to count his ribs. Not a gram of fat in his body. That´s what I meant that some metabolisms are faster than others.

Both of these people had something in common: they were nervous, fidgety, active and couldn't sit down for more than 30 minutes without getting up.

shower
it all really comes down to
calories in : calories out

If they are fidgeters, they will be burning several hundred more calories a day than a person who can sit comatose for hours

As I keep saying, carbs are fab : but it is very easy to shovel down loads of chips / pasta / bread without feeling sated
which needs to be burned off

Low carb diets work because it is well proven that high protein meals result in greater feelings of satiation
so result in lower overall intake

But basically, in the rich west, food is so cheap that not overeating has to be a conscious decision.
It is not self hating or any of that guff, it is just a choice, not to eat more than one's frame needs

"shower
it all really comes down to
calories in : calories out

If they are fidgeters, they will be burning several hundred more calories a day than a person who can sit comatose for hours"

Exactly. This is what we need to focus on. Not dropping certain food groups or not eating for a certain amount of hours. Eat fewer calories (and potentially also get some exercise).

there was never a meal on the table without carbs because her DH was diabetic.
Why did that mean there was never a meal without carbs?

This is what we need to focus on. Not dropping certain food groups or not eating for a certain amount of hours.

That's the point though. For some people the most effective way to cut calories is to stop eating carbs, which are pretty calorific, and eat things which fill the gap with less calories.

actually there is now evidence that all calories are not equal. yes a calorie is a calorie in the sense that if you eat more than you use they will get stored as fat, but calories from processed carbs and sugar will much more quickly be turned into visceral fat than say the equivalent calorie from a vegetable.

I see the thread has come back to what I said pages back

Ie eat less, move more

And that I succeeded losing weight by reducing calorie intake, often eating less carbs because they are so 'expensive' calor-wise

but calories from processed carbs and sugar will much more quickly be turned into visceral fat than say the equivalent calorie from a vegetable.
Link please
(and a proper, ending in .ac or .ac.uk not some blog post link)

jumping It's tricky for diabetics. He measures his sugar level just before a meal then injects insuline accordingly. It's a calculation based on the food he's going to eat, his level of day activity, etc. So if he doesn't consume enough carbs which are slow burning sugars, then the insuline will very likely give him a hypo afterwards (low sugar). Interestingly, whenever the carb was potatoes, he needed to either eat more of them or take that into account. I find that a potato meal leaves me hungry an hour later whereas pasta gets me going for hours.

@showersinger I'm married to a T1 diabetic. That's a very old fashioned way of living with diabetes. It's much better to count your carbs and give yourself the appropriate amount of insulin. That way you can easily eat less carbs. That's how we got into low carb in the first place, as a way of improving control for my dh. If your fil is still around I would encourage him (And any other T1 diabetics) to look into DAFNE training (dose adjustment for normal eating). It could massively improve his standard of living.

Thanks jumping This was years ago before my MIL passed away. Since then he has changed his control in the way you describe and has had less episodes. To be honest I am not very involved, DH is. But at the time that's the way they were doing it and hence my comment that there was always a carb on the table.

Yes makes sense now. It was very tough in people that way. They couldn't eat according to their appetite.

I have been reading about the not all calories are equal in a book- which is based on scientific studies done over many years. I will try and find which bit of the book it was in and the studies done to support the statement. ( pre Christmas mayhem allowing!)

Hi. The fact you are actually hungry can be down to a lot of different things but are mainly due to habit, that being a good habit or a bad one or your body actually craving a certain nutrient of which there are over 90 which your body needs to function properly.
There is evidence that eating a diet high in probiotics can help with sweet cravings but be careful what you buy. Not all such drinks and yoghurts are created equally. The best course of action would probably be to make your own. There are plenty of videos on YouTube explaining how to do this. A varied diet of plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables being organic as often as convenience and cost allows can help on the nutrient front. Hemp oil is a good source for keeping your Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids ratio in balance, available in most supermarkets. Lastly the old chestnut of being happy in your own skin and not too critical of yourself is also important. I hope this helps.

I was reading this thread when it was first started then I lost it. I wanted to come back and say how useful it's been as a kick up the arse to do something about my....erm.... big arse. It's given me a crystal clear reminder that my eating habits are NOT normal. It's now firmly saved on my watch list to come back and read for motivation.

Same here. I read the thread as it unfolded and it was a lightbulb moment. I realised that how the slim people eat is exactly how I was brought up. Three meals a day, very few snacks, and no banned foods. My DM died many years ago but I can remember that her servings were maybe half of what I serve now, yet it always felt enough.

Somewhere along the line I convinced myself that I must never feel hungry and that it was good to feel stuffed at the end of a meal. I have drastically altered my habits since reading this thread. I haven't been on the scales, so have no idea whether it's made any difference to my weight, but I feel so much better in myself.

I imagine it's probably a good idea to have an emptyish feeling in your stomach and/or feel properly hungry before putting any food in your mouth. I am trying to do this now and eat mindfully, but without denying myself. The only hurdle for me personally is my palate is very accustomed to having something sweet after a main course, which of course I'm not hungry for, but am used to doing. How can I fix that?

The only hurdle for me personally is my palate is very accustomed to having something sweet after a main course, which of course I'm not hungry for, but am used to doing. How can I fix that?
Something very small and VERY strongly flavoured
so with rich dark chocolate or spice
or even the old classic - a shot of a spirit like grappa or strega

then go brush your teeth

The only hurdle for me personally is my palate is very accustomed to having something sweet after a main course, which of course I'm not hungry for, but am used to doing. How can I fix that?

Is this after every meal or just dinner? If it’s once a day with no other puddings, I wouldn’t necessarily worry too much. I often have a chocolate bar (the small ones that are about 100cals) after tea.

Is this after every meal or just dinner? If it’s once a day with no other puddings, I wouldn’t necessarily worry too much. I often have a chocolate bar (the small ones that are about 100cals) after tea.

It's usually after both lunch and dinner! An apple or a sweetened yoghurt sometimes does the job but it's annoying as I don't need it. Dark chocolate sounds like just the job, thanks Ta1kinPeace

When I was a teenager I was slim and had no issues with food. I just ate meals, the odd snack etc. In my early 20's I was in an abusive relationship and food was one of my ex's control tools. We were permanently skint and could often not afford to eat properly and he also wouldn't allow me to eat freely - certain foods were banned on a whim, he'd throw our food away to punish me if I displeased him etc. It made me very anxious around eating. I'd constantly worry about having access to food, hoard when I could and overeat rather than waste having gone without so often. After leaving him the doctor I saw recommended I gain 2 stone as I was so underweight. It's incredibly hard to shake off food issues even though I no longer live like that and I still tend to overbuy, over portion and maybe overeat too. I still can't leave food on my plate.

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