Spent the weekend with slim people and I now see why I'm overweight

[ChristmasTreeLight]

After having spent the weekend with slim people, it appears that they:

a) don't need as much food to feel full,
I couldn't believe that after X amount of food, they were full - I could have happily carried on eating.

b) can go much longer between meals without eating,
At one point in the afternoon, I was ready to gnaw my arm off, I asked if anyone wanted to stop for a snack (thinking they'd be starving) but no, they were happy to keep going

c) don't crave sweet stuff in the way I do.
I I need sweet things as pudding, I was almost desperate for some chocolate, whereas again they just did not seem to feel that urge.

I am a size 14 and they are 8-10 and now I can see why. It's led me to wonder is it something innate, something physical? Are you just born like that, not to have the appetite or the sweet tooth? Am I simply fighting a losing battle in the vain dream of being a size 10 one day?

• I rode my bike 10 miles round-trip trip work, not my horse.

Ivys mum thank you for your very thoughtful reply.
I'll look into it definitely. Tired of being tired of life iyswim.
Too much living to do and I deserve better!!
We ALL do .

I'm a size 8, sometimes a 6. I eat a lot. I have to. It's not as much fun as it sounds. For all I know my arteries could be blocking up nicely, but if I lived on veg and salad stuff I'd be very ill and very skinny. Not every slim person is eating very little.

It sounds like quite a miserable evening OP, watching everyone push food around their plates like A-list actresses at The Ivy, while you were under the impression it was OK to eat nice food at a restaurant. I think I understand how chefs get away with some of the rubbish they do, and that's because most of the food is more likely to go in the bin than in the mouths of fashionable women.

Oh, and size 14 may not get you on any magazine covers but (assuming you're talking UK sizes and not US) it's not likely to have health consequences unless you're 4 ft 8.

Pregnancy excluded, I've always maintained a slim but fairly shapely size 8-10 (I'm short!) I'm a fan of food, but do stop when I'm comfortably full and rarely eat until bloated. If I'm too full for the last two mouthfuls, it's left.
I don't tend to have deserts/ biscuits etc in the house. If I'm hungry between meals, I'll eat something like dark chocolate, cheese or olives.
I like a substantial breakfast (porridge, beans on toast, egg). I find hot food more sating than cold foods.
I don't drink many empty calories. Lots of water/ fruit tea. Sometimes very weak orange squash with full sugar. Little alcohol.
Foods in their original form, not reduced fat/ sugar.
I seem to have a decent instinct for what I need. If I had a large lunch out, I won't need much in the evening.
I need to be active or I don't sleep well. Regular exercise probably buys me an average of 200 extra calories per day across the week which makes a difference with my build. (SPD had a lot to do with my pregnancy gains!)
Nothing is banned other than avoiding foods that make me feel bad (I have a low tolerance to dairy. Sweetners can make me headachy). Each week is likely to feature something like the chippie/ pizzas/ McDonalds at some point, but my portion might be shared with a DC or I might swap fries for salad.

I have a small range of what my happy weight is and check fairly frequently. Sometimes I have to be more mindful to keep in that zone and make small changes like drinking more water or portion control, but I've never "been on a diet" as in a regimented plan, more revaluated and returned to a habit that went out of synch.

You know what? Food is meant to be a joy. It's fine to relish what you eat, and diets don't work. Nor does feeling deprived but virtuous ( is being slim a virtue? ?)
Do you want to live like that?
I think the key to it all is to stop this obsession about how food makes you look and think about how it makes you feel.
Not in terms of " oh I feel guilty I had that cake" , but more like the difference in how your energy levels etc feel after you have had fruit versus after a chocolate brownie. Listen to the way your body responds to food and try to enjoy what you do have.
Think about eating for health and nutrition, and yes, enjoyment, not dress size. Eat consciously. Really enjoy that mac and cheese, don't wolf it down standing up by the microwave.
I truly believe that you can love food, and also be healthy ( note: healthy, because ultimately that's what's important).
There are tooo many women on here too invested in their own self deprivation and iron clad discipline around food. Life is for enjoying so enjoy it with relish, with no guilt, with consciousness and with responsibility. A side effect of changing your thinking may be that you do lose weight, but by that time you hopefully wont care.

Maybe your 'slim' friends have been so browbeaten by the idea that nothing is more important, for women, than Not Being Fat that they have trained themselves to not enjoy food, because it's immoral for women to enjoy food.
FFS. If you can get upstairs without physical distress, no matter what 'size' you are, you're doing fine. Constant fussing about 'good' and 'naughty' eating is far more harmful than being a bit chubby.

You do what makes you happy, IfNot.

When I stayed with SIL recently we had breakfast together just the two of us. She asked if I wanted one or two weetabix. I've never contemplated just one . She is lovely and slim. Very busy busy busy.

There's a disconnect. I don't associate my comfort food with my misery and shame and I need to consciously start to do that. I'm always shocked and upset when I see my size 16-18 face in photos and want to cry yet I conveniently forget all that every Friday night in front of the telly with wine and hula hoops and any crap i can find in the cupboard.

No Weetabix for me. Vile stuff

It’s interesting - food is meant to be a joy, but if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t enjoy eating for the sake of it, I don’t enjoy feeling uncomfortable when I’ve polished off all those chocolates and I certainly don’t feel good when I’m aware that I am both greedier and larger than everyone else in the room. 😕

My mother used to pile food high on our plates and we weren't allowed to leave the table without finishing. That sort of conditioning is really difficult to escape and I certainly haven't managed to. I'm also a bit of a Greenie and hate waste, which harks back to my mother's attitude too.

If I can be bothered (why on earth can't I actually be bothered - that is just so ridiculous, especially when I can see all of my clothes in the wardrobe that no longer fit!), I use Hoodia pills and hypno-CDs that give subliminal messages via my vintage iPod and have noticed that the combination does make me eat more sensibly, snack less and drink more water. The hoodia information came from a TV programme where the presenter spent time with an African tribe that had used the hoodia cactus for centuries to prevent hunger pangs when they were on hunting expeditions and needed to travel quickly and without any equipment. The presenter tried it and said that it worked. Having said that, I've also read that some Hoodia marketed is apparently fake, so if you were interested in buying, it would be worth purchasing from a reputable company. Just a suggestion, if it helps! I can eat chocolate as an Olympic event and am too lazy to make the effort to use the CDs and remember to have a couple of tiny Hoodia pills daily. How pathetic is that?!

I went to a party last night, loads of food, lovely people I haven’t seen since school days. I’m a size 10 & was the slimmest woman there.

In my 20’s I could eat and eat and eat and not gain weight. After I had my kids my metabolism changed and I gained a bit of weight (about a stone). I started getting massive heartburn and feeling tired all the time so made a couple of changes.

No eating after 6:00 pm (we eat dinner at 5:00 or 5:30 & I can’t afford to go out for meals). Once in a blue moon, like at the party, I’ll snack after 6:00, but that’s a few times a year.

The second thing was smaller bowls/plates, and no seconds.

Honestly I adjusted really quickly.

I adore food and massively enjoy what I eat. I just feel more in moderation now. One of the women last night was watching me eat a small slice of cheesecake and remarked that I was eating it “daintily”, but that’s not conscious.

If you want to be smaller, smaller portions and don’t eat after your evening meal. And less alcohol if you drink (I don’t).

I don’t feel deprived at all, I’m not picking at salad. I feel healthy and clothes I’ve had 30+ years still fit.

I watch larger people at work and parties eat and they do eat much larger portions. Which is fine, but if you want to be smaller portion control is a big part of it (dodging bricks).

I'm slim and also eat more than nearly everyone I know.I've read the what did you eat today board once, and I couldn't believe how little most people eat! Bizarre! I do run around after kids but I think it has more to do with metabolism. I can eat the same (actually more than) my husband and not put on weight. But I feel the cold and I wonder if calories are used up to keep me warm???

Disagree with a lot of points, slim people don't enjoy food, they eat because they have to, they weren't always like that, they go longer between meals, they don't eat puddings.

Everyone is different, I love food, I'm a huge foodie but I don't waste time eating shit food, I will happily eat 6 courses at a nice restaurant yet would never go to an all you can eat buffet restaurant.

I eat what I like, when I like and don't deprive myself, I eat for flavours I enjoy. Lots of my friends are slim and we all enjoy our food.

It's many things. My friend (who is much larger, not fat, but full and curvy) is a GREAT cook. She loves food, baking, cooking, and probably uses it to relax and comfort her. She also has a very sedentary job and is a homebody who hates exercise. She's bookish. She also has a sturdier build naturally.

I have other addictions (so I'm not "better" just different) and when I get stressed, I stop eating. And the less I eat, the more my stomach shrinks and I'm full after very little. I crave cardio and use it to burn off stress. I could never handle a sit-down job, I get restless. Many skinny people are skinny due to unconscious ticks..tapping your foot, pacing, fidgeting. I'm also really conscious of my gut flora

So it's many, many different reasons all coming together. Doesn't necessarily mean someone is more virtuous or self disciplined or health conscious.
But I don't think someone is doomed to be overweight "naturally". Some people are just predisposed

Without sounding like an annoying t**t I feel very lucky in many ways that I can stay a size 8 without any effort. I've had 2 babies in less than 18 months too. I think a lot of it in my case is to do with the fact I was v fit (marathon running) before I had my children. I stopped the running quite early on in the first pregnancy though and apart from walking 4 or 5 miles a day as part of my commute I pretty much didn't exercise. Now on maternity leave it's even less. It took me about 4/5 months to shrink back down after each baby (I'm 5 months pp now), I never actually tried to lose it though. I gained about 2 stone including baby each pregnancy.

I really enjoy food, I eat whatever I like (I have chocolate everyday, terrible sweet tooth), but I realise my meal portion size is much much smaller than say my sister who is a 12-14. She'll often say "is that all you're having", but I'm full and satisfied.

I think I'm lucky that I've maintained my fast-ish motabolism and my body just doesn't appear to need as much as some to feel full.

Ditto grey morning - I love food, but won’t eat stuff I don’t like. My last job was forever hassling us to contribute money, which they’d then use to buy these horrible huge white cakes, iced in sugar and oil. That sort of cake, to me, tastes of nothing but sugar and oil. I get more pleasure out of a few squares of dark chocolate.

And I do fidget a lot too, though I’m not sure how many calories that actually burns.

bananafish I’m really sorry to hear of your health and fertility issues. Wishing you all the best.

Jellyspoons I feel the cold too, badly. I'm a fidget too. I don't sit still even when I'm sitting still.

God, yes the all you can eat buffet would be a complete waste of time for me!!!

It struck me when I looked a while back at a "what have you eaten today?" board ( not the current one), that many of the posters seem very invested in eating little/healthily; whilst I'll probably get flamed for this, it seemed to me that there was a whiff of orthorexia about some of the posts.

I think that's different from what OP has described. We are so used nowadays to regular snacking and treats, that people who don't regularly have cake, biscuits and crisps, and huge calorie-laden drinks from Starbucks, and several alcoholic drinks at a time, are seen as unusual. Also, as PP's have said, we seem to "medicate" hunger these days with snacks, rather than just sitting it out until the next meal.

It is true that weight loss is mostly what you eat rather than exercise.

Another person who loses their appetite under stress. It has all kicked off at work (own business so affects my personal life massively as well). I stopped exercising and sleeping and my food intake has gone down to a third of what it was. I lost half a stone in just over a week.

It’s interesting - food is meant to be a joy, but if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t enjoy eating for the sake of it, I don’t enjoy feeling uncomfortable when I’ve polished off all those chocolates...

That's an astute realisation by OP.

I get called slim. I LOVE my food. I love it too much to eat when it won't taste good. I can wait hours & hours if there is no food I like or I don't have time to sit & enjoy my food. I hate eating if I'm not hungry (socially expected events). When you're hungry everything tastes good & if you're very hungry the food tastes divine. It is a travesty to eat if you're not hungry.

So when people say they are fat because they love their food. it doesn't make any sense to me. If you truly love your food, you definitely don't badly overeat.

I’ve been overweight my whole life. I was raised with very bad food habits and it has taken me a long time to fully understand how disordered my eating had become. I also wanted to lose weight to improve my chances of conception.

A while ago I discovered the ‘1200 is plenty’ community on Reddit. Their mantra is ‘short, sedentary women’ of which I am definitely one.

At first it did NOT seem as though 1200 was plenty AT ALL. But over the weeks and months my stomach shrunk and also, because sugary and starchy foods are so high in calories, I wasn’t eating them very often because I would rather spend them on a real meal.

I still have one ‘cheat’ meal a week but now I find that the day or even two days afterwards I am hardly hungry at all and will tend to eat much less on those days. Is this the mythical self-regulation about which I have read so much? I never thought I would get there.

I do still have a Curly Wurly or some Choco Bons most days after dinner though