I'm literally killing myself and I don't know what to fo

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck (I could go on for a while!)

I've always been very overweight even as a teen (not my parents fault...I was a sneaky twat) but I currently weigh 25st...TWENTY FUCKING FIVE

I'm amazingly good at burying my head in the sand and saying I'm fine and I'll do something and I never do so I say it to myself again but it's suddenly occurred to me (told you, I bury my head in the sand) that I'm literally killing myself and this weight will kill me.

I'm absolutely fucking petrified and I don't know what to do

I buy ready meals but a smaller amount. What would make you feel treated? I love sushi, waitress rice salads, boots cheese and bean wraps. One for lunch, one for dinner. Small bar of chocolate or whatever your vice is to look forward to before before bed. That's what worked for me.
If you can afford it of course. See it as a subscription to the diet plan??

Start small, little changes. Walk a bit further each day, reduce portion size gradually.

You can and will change this!

Download the my fitness pal app? I'll be your friend on there if you want me to be?

This panic and realisation might be the best thing that's ever happened to you!!
Like others said, start small.
Tomorrow, no chocolate??

Then build in 2 walks a week.
Be gentle, they say it takes 6 weeks for behaviour to become habit.
I found the first two months of getting fit the hardest.
I never thought I could stick at it but it's been about two years and I start feeling weird if I go too many days without working out!!
Good luck.
Come back whenever you want for support

Over eating is a habit. Can you avoid eating if you're really busy? I can but it's when I'm in my comfort zone the snacking starts.

A food diary is very useful. You just started one there describing your lunch. Before you know it you won't eat something because you know you have to write it down.

I also recommend a PT. A personal trainer - what about a private one that can come to your home or meet you in the park? Weather is good - they could help you do some exercises.

Hunger is proof it's working. Learn that you can be hungry and nothing bad will happen.
(all from my own experience, please ignore me if it doesn't apply to you).
This sounds like an exaggeration but it's not. I'd woken up pretty much every day of my adult life feeling bloated and unwell from overeating but it was my normal - I didn't realise! Once I stopped bingeing I realised how it felt to wake up and not feel like that. On the odd occasion I do now I can't believe that was it every day!

I was 19 stone when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. I'm now around 16 stone, and feel a million times better already. My goal is 12 stone, so 4 to go. I've got a cocker spaniel who gets around 4-5 miles walking a day, and I don't eat sugar. I still eat big plates of food 3 times a day, love love love my food but I never eat processed food, cook everything myself and it's the only way to control what I'm taking in. It isn't easy, it's the hardest thing imaginable but it's that or being 6 foot under. That's the only thought that stops me. You've made a huge step by acknowledging your weight, now you need to make 1 small step to make a change. It takes years to put the weight on, so don't crash diet as it will make you feel worse. Little by little means you can stick to it .

Learn the skill of having a bad day (over indulging and not exercising) but writing it off and getting straight back onto it the next day. It takes so much effort but is essential.

That's brilliant Jane. Sounds like you already feel better even though you still have a little way to go and also your heart will already be healthier.
All the crap I used to eat it occurred to me the other day that I was slowly poisoning myself, my body must have struggled to filter all the crap out

Oh lego

You lovely lovely poster

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I struggle with my weight too.

MyFitnessPal is great. Even tell yourself that you aren't going to change your eating right now but download it and start honestly logging everything you eat. Be stealths friend. Do that to start understanding what you eat and when.

I don't diet. I immediately feel deprived. I exercise and eat clean when I need to. I focus on fitness. As soon as I say diet or weight loss I just want to eat my body weight in chocolate. I know it's hard. I really do.

I also know it's doable and I really really really believe you can do it.

If you like salted peanuts, edamame beans covered in salt are a brilliant substitute. Tesco sell them in little boxes with the stir fry stuff.
Sadly there's no substitute for chocolate

Cut yourself some slack and don't panic

You've woken up to a problem, you are now thinking about how to address it - great.

Think of all the things you've tried in the past, what worked and, crucially, what did NOT work. Then try something different.

I am posting this before BIWI beats me to it - it's what worked for me.

The longest journeys start with one step.
Today is Day 1.
You can do this

You can either start now or start a few months /years down the line and a few pounds /stone heavier.
Because you do need to do something at some point.

And now I'm going to shut up and go to bed. I get very animated when talking about weight loss sorry.
My key piece of advice is everyone will want you to do what they did (me included). The only way to do it is to find what works for you.

Just wanted to say you can so do this & are not alone, I have been (& still am in some respects) in your position & understand how you feel. You have acknowledged it which is the first hurdle so now you can plan how to tackle it.

Can I recommend the Beck Diet Solution, it can help with the mind set of weight loss and help you deal with sabotaging thoughts- it has really helped me, there are also some lovely supportive threads on here. But please don't beat yourself up over it.

Try the app 'My Fitness Pal' - it made me vastly more mindful of what I was eating and you can put in a target weight. I stopped using it when I found out I was pregnant as it was counterproductive but thoroughly recommend it!

Thank you stealth I'm going to read through all your advice when I'm slightly less tearful

I agree there's no substitute for chocolate...someone told me frozen grapes are a perfect substitute...fucking idiot

Thank you everyone, truly...I'm just haveing a bit of a weepy moment then I'll be back with you

Sadly the only substitute is less chocolate :(
Thanks for calling it advice, I'd call it 'ranting'.
I am 44katy on mfp if you fancy it.

Hi lego, I really do know how you are feeling.
I have been on one diet or another most of my adult life, starting my first one when I was only a size 12. Now I'm a size 22 and life is literally passing me by. I never want to go anywhere or do anything and I feel so bad for my poor ds having a big fat mum. There's not an hour of the day goes by without me feeling disgusted about myself yet it's not enough for me to take control and do something about it.

Oh bimbo that's awful. I do know how you feel.
You have as much right to enjoy your life as anyone else and you mustn't wait until you're thin. Look around you at people of all shapes and sizes getting out there and having fun. You deserve a life as much as they do.

One thing I've noticed is that people who are very overweight normally have big emotional problems that set them off on a destructive way of eating. I'm not saying sorting out the emotional side will stop you overeating as it becomes a sort of addiction. Maybe not as addictive as a drug but nevertheless you can get very strong cravings for certain foods. Force yourself to stick to a healthy diet for some time and you will start to find the hunger and cravings reduce a lot. So you need to tackle the two problems. The emotional side and the physical side.
Many people find reduced carb and sugar helpful, but I think you could choose whichever reasonable healthy diet suits you best and just force yourself to stick to it for a few weeks, it will be super hard at first then it will get easier as you get used to it.

Slimming World! I have become evangelical about it since losing a couple of stone myself (have gone from a 16 to a 10) but have seen people in my group absolutely turn their lives around - one lady has lost 8 stone in the first year!

If you pluck up the courage to walk through the door you will get so much support.

Good luck!

But just to add to my post you won't get your eating sorted out for good, until you sort out the underlying emotional problems. You can start eating healthy right now, but look at what set you off eating badly and start to deal with those issues. Otherwise you will be doing well then have a bad time and turn to food for comfort.

Bimbo that's so sad and stealth is right. Don't feel less worthy just because you're not thin.

I do believe there is truth in looking at yourself as a machine. I struggle with body image and follow a lot of bopo accounts on Instagram to help. One lady speaks a lot about thanking your body. Look in the mirror and thank your legs for holding you up, thank your arms for carrying your ds, thank you tummy for keeping you alive etc. I'm not hippy dippy I promise you but I do feel this has helped me when I'm
Having a bad day. I'm not saying don't become healthy as that is important but loving yourself is to because as you pointed out you weren't happy when you were smaller and probably won't be when you lose weight unless you learn to love yourself...