BigMoFos Week 42

[WigWamBam]

New thread

MrsJC - that you're still here (or at least, still 'with bump' rather than here with a small person) - still sending labour vibes to you.

Can I put in a plea for people to email their losses or gains to the usual email address if you want them included in the list, please, not just post it on here - WWB has given me the password to pick them up, and it's the easiest way of making sure I don't miss anybody out. I thank you. (It's like the first day of a new job, when you're really keen to Do Things Right ).

I've emailed JackieNo but posted here too 'cos it depressed me

Trying to be upbeat now though

I know how you feel, littlemisssensible - I'm not really making any progress at the moment either. Very frustrating.

Have emailed.

MrsJC, poor you, I really sympathise. I wish there was something I could do to help but in place of practicality here are some more labour vibes for you oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

LMS Keep posting, when my weight plateaus like that I try and think positively in that I haven't put much on - all the good days you have are preventing too much gain so they aren't wasted at all. One foody weekend over easter isn't going to do you any harm... why not forget about dieting until after then and then set yourself a target of the week after to start properly again?

TIAM, I think that you have to have the right frame of mind to lose weight, it's a bit like giving up smoking, if you aren't determined then it doesn't happen. I went for a couple of years where I kept telling myself that I needed to do something but just kept piling on the pounds because something in my head wasn't right. Sorry if that sounds a bit lectury and sanctimonious - it really isn't supposed to at all - I suppose that what I'm trying to say is don't worry for now, if you keep telling yourself your reasons to lose weight then eventually something in your mind will let you start. Does that make any sense at all? Probably not

I'm sorry to hear that JackieNo but it some ways its quite comforting to know I'm not the only one struggling! It helps me feel less of a failure to know that it's a problem many of us have to deal with, particularly when my stick insect 'friends' tell me its just a case of eating less and exercising more

Thanx cheesyfeet! I think that what I'm finding soooo frustrating is that 3-4 years ago I managed to lose 2 of the 3 stone I need to get rid of and I felt on top of the world but over the course of a year (and as my hormones went haywire!)I put it all back on and now it won't go away!

Easter just worries me because I know if I go into it with the wrong mindset my mother's encouragement to eat (her way of looking after us all) will set me off on a big binge lasting much longer than just the weekend!

Never mind....I'll continue to try to look on the positive side and not give into the fridge emptying grumps!

Right, CheesyFeet, you need a Long Stand, is it? Absolutely no problem: I'm sure I can get you one of those, oh yes

.

Thanks for encouraging words everyone. I haven't been around much because I'm just not in the mindset for losing weight (I know exactly what you mean Cheesy Feet - you are talking absolute sense). I have been 1 and 1/2 to 2 stone overweight for oh, about 14 years now. I lose and gain the same half stone over and over again. At the moment I am at the very heaviest point on my range, due to a serious attempt to give up smoking (5 a day, evenings only, outside the back door LOL) which instantly lead to 6 or 7lbs on within 3 weeks. Infact, if I'd never given up smoking, I don't think I would be overweight at all - half stone to 10lb gains every single time I've tried it.

After I had my DD I went to weight watchers with a friend and got down to within 10lb of my target weight and I really did feel a lot a better. People noticed and my size 14s were loose rather than tight and I didn't have rolls of fat under my bra strap or hanging over my trousers - well not very big rolls anyway. But then I got pg again and gained a lot more weight with second DC than I did with first one and have just never got it off!

I find it hard to lose weight in the winter. I love mashed potatoes and casseroles and red wine and toasted cheese sandwiches and winter food generally. My exercise of choice is also swimming and its just harder to do that when you get out of the pool and its all a bit shivery - ykwim.

But, on the upside, I have just started a 2 days a week part-time job - first job in 6 years!!! - and the people in my office are all younger than me and all into exercise and healthy eating. So maybe that will inspire me.

Had a crap January and February but Spring nearly here - things are definitely looking up and when I'm happier I find it easier to be positive about myself and less likely to lounge around not doing much. Am very lazy .

I will definitely weigh next week and try and get the ball rolling again and will come and look in on the thread more often. Shall miss WWB, though.

Blimey TIEM, we could almost be dieting twins!!!

You've pretty much echoed how I feel about my weight.

I'm beginning to feel a bit more positive now.. my dh has just reminded me that we were away last weekend visiting mt ds and the dgds and that my dil didn't necessarily cook particularly healthy food, he says I'll be going down again next week! He's a sweetie!

TIEM and LMS - ...

Can I be blunt. Neither of you really has an issue with your weight as such. Neither of you are overweight in the lifethreatening sense and therefore theoretically if you can't shift that 2 stone its not going to have a life impacting consequence.

It strikes me that you have issues (as many of us do) with your sense of self-worth. That someone being overweight makes you less of a person and that if only you could lose the weight that everything will be better and that you will be a person more deserving of the good things that life offers. Therefore when you struggle to lose weight you are "unworthy" and a failure.

We would all do better if we could somehow separate the emotional issues we have from the practical issues of losing weight.

The reality is you are not "good" or "bad" just heavier or lighter and even if you ut on weight - if you still keep going eventually you will lose the weight you want to without question if my view (and you won't be a better person for it but a slimmer one!).

And don;t read that as meaning that I don;t think you should be posting here because you have less weight to lose - in fact I think you have many of the same issues. I'm just sharing my long won experience of the negative view we have of ourselves which in turn limits our ability to lose weight.

There, lecture over.

JackieNo... I'll be watching you....

Sue, don't mind me, I'm still looking for that Long Stand for CheesyFeet .

Actually I might email you later - we've been having problems at home with t'internet (but not email, weirdly), and DH went and bought a new router yesterday (no, no idea here either). So in case I can't get on, I can either do it at work tomorrow, or you could have a bash (as you're more, ahem, experienced than me)

Great post Sue

"negative view we have of ourselves which in turn limits our ability to lose weight"

that is me all over

x posts JackieNo

Was wondering where me long stand was

what's the holdup

Sorry, CheesyFeet - I'm just waiting for the assistant to get it from the back room...

lol

you just can't get the staff these days can you?

I know - I've been here for ages waiting.

Hang on...

No problem Jackie I have the password will try to round up later DS permitting...

Hello Sue. Thank you for that really thoughtful post. Obv can't speak for LittleMiss but I don't actually agree with your analysis of my weight problem!. Here's what I said about myself when I joined late last year (you were away doing something rather important at the time!) which just says a little something about me and where I'm at with my fat.

"Since you asked, Jackie, I became a compulsive eater in my teens after going on my first DIET. I started at 8 and a half stone (LOL, aged 14, thought I was enormous), went down to 8 stone but became 100% obsessed with food (very lucky not to become bullimic or anorexic) and then very quickly went up to 10 and a half stone. Would come home from school and compusively eat every thing in sight. This is why I am petrified of going on any kind of DIET again. The compuslive eating stopped when I went to University. I was just busy and had lots to do, new friends, great social life, keen interest in my course etc. Quite quickly went down to 9 stone, where I stayed for years and years and years until I gave up smoking and had my two children. All the time I was 9 stone in my 20s and early 30s, I could accept myself and my body. I've never been thin (am only 5'2") and I had plenty of bad times and life certainly wasn't perfect because I wasn't overweight. I think very large people often make the mistake of thinking everything would be ok if only they weren't fat. But, actually, it's just like ONE of your stresses in life isn't there any more. You don't suddenly live a charmed existence because you can wear a size 10 or 12. I think this is what makes it so hard for me to tackle the extra 2 stone I have now. 1) I can't bear the idea of becoming food obsessed again and 2) I am certainly not under the illusion that life will suddenly change if I lose it. I'm in just of much as a muddle as those of you who have a lot more to lose. Honestly."

I do think my health would improve if I could lose weight. My son weighs just over 2 stone and I can hardly carry him around any more. My daughter weighs 4 stone and I can only just pick her up off the ground. I have a weak ankle and rheumatism in my knees, and a double chin which I hate with a passion. I'd like to lose weight for those reasons and also to get into at least 4 pairs of trousers hanging in my wardrobe that I could easily fit into not that long ago.

I like the BigMoFos because it is not a dieting thread, and I really am almost phobic about formal "diets".

Arghhhh! Was just posting a reply and I leant on the mouse and lost everything! I'll try to repost it!

Thankyou Sue and TIEM for your posts they've given me a lot to think about and I've re-read them several times!

I think, on balance, I'm probably closer to Sue's analysis than twoisenoughmums, athough I can see where TIEM is coming from!

I know losing the weight will make no difference except I'll be thinner but I don't FEEL that it won't make a difference if that makes sense.

I know I have problems with self esteem and I know that deep down I feel that if I was thin everyone would love me and I'd have a fantastic life with no problems etc, etc etc. (this has been reinforced because when I've been thinner everything did seem to go brilliantly...although I know this is just because I was feeling good about myself!)

I know this is c*@p and I tell myself its c*@p but I still feel it deep down. My dh spends loads of time telling me how gorgeous I am but I still can't quite believe it. My family love me and my collegues are also friends but I still don't quite feel that I'm worth knowing!

I do have health problems, High BP, asthma, which would benefit from losing the excess weight and I find by focusing on that I'm able to sidestep the low esteem issues a bit!

I like mofo's because you all recognise that there are lots of reasons for being overweight and you offer support without getting into how many calories in a banana or how much energy washing the car burns! None of which is helpful! I've also recognised that how ever much we have to lose or our reasons for being in this place it's the friendly support and banter that get us through (plus the odd well placed boot up the bum!)

blimey - just been catching up on this thread - finally work's calmed down and I can devote some time to MN instead - it's weird being away for a while - haven't got a clue what's been going on for the past week - have I missed anything exciting?!

Sue - I can see where you're coming from in your post to TIEM and LMS. I too now only have about 1.5 stone to lose - I'm no longer obese, just overweight, so not in the same position as others in the BigMoFos club. But, I've lost 2 stone and know what it is to be a big size 24.

It's all about the emotional stuff to me, and weirdly, I'm almost feeling worse at the moment because I'm so much nearer looking like everyone else - I used to be big, larger than life, substantial, now I just look a bit fat, like I'm too lazy to shift a stone...

Oh I don't know what I'm trying to say - I sometimes feel like I'm disappearing and it freaks me out a bit. I'm going to end up looking like every other slightly overweight middle aged woman, rather than a great big Dottydot..!

Right, wittering over - I've clearly got issues so I'm staying right here whether I lose any more weight or not!

Forgot to say, I'm going to WW tonight and after the week at work I've had, who knows how much I've put on - chocolate and coffee were the only things keeping me going through midnight most nights!!

Hi everyone
I agree with a lot of what Sue says re self-esteem issues. My yo-yo dieting started when I was 13 and had gained weight rapidly because of medication I was on. Up til that point I had been doing child-modelling. The turning point was the day my agent took my mum aside and told her I'd have to give it up til I lost weight. So began an unhealthy attitude towards both myself and food, to the point where I'm now over 20stone at 5ft 3in, and have been type 2 diabetic since I was 30. Despite the fact that my husband loves big women and constantly reassures me that I look fantastic to him, I have major self-esteen issues and hate my body. I know hate is a strong term but it's accurate. I hate all the things it can't do, I hate how it weighs me down, and I hate what I see in the mirror. I rarely look at a full length reflection, as it disturbs me too much. I prefer to just look at my face and imagine the rest of me matches the size 16/18 image I like to have of myself (rather than the size 30 I am). I wish I could separate those negative feelings about myself from the practicalities of weight-loss, but I find that very difficult.

Anyway, enough of the soul-searching from me...I lost 1.5lb this week, making 8.25lb so far taking me to 20st 4.5lb.

sorry I should clarify - I wasn;t saying that there were no health benefits to lsoing weight even a stone or two. The point I was trying (and obviously failing!) to make is that it isn't life or death (over-dramatising a bit there but you know what I mean) and yet judging by your/our reactions to putting on or not losing you would think it was. I guess what I mean is that the degree of self hatred (if that isn't too strong a word) generated is out of proportion to the weight gained. I suppose that what I mean by it being an emotional issue rather than purely a weight one.

Of course if I could separate my complex relationship with food into the practical and the emotional and deal with them separately I'd be thin by now (and probably wouldn;t have become fat!) so I'm not exactly teling anyone to follow my example. It was more of a comment really on how I found it interesting that even those of you with relatively less weight to lose have exaclty the same (or similar issues).

Its easy for me to look at people with only two stone to lose and think "if only I have just two stone to lose". But the truth is that unless I can try to come to an accomadation with food I will be saying exactly the same things with two stone left as I am now.

And who mentioned their "feeding" mother. God I can soooo identify with that. The first thing my mum says to me when I walk through her door is "oh I'm not sure I have much to eat"!!!

Dotty - I have been finding it relatively easy to lose weight at the moment (unusually for me!) and its freaking me out. I have even wondered if I should be concerned that I am losing weight! Go figure - am I twisted or what!! So I can relate to your "disappearing woman" thing.