I'm sorry for the size of this post, it's going to be long 
and I'm no doubt going to contradict myself too, but please help!!
I am massive and miserable. I am 5'2 and, as of this morning I weigh 17st4lbs. I could cry. I have cried.
I hate the way I look. I hate how unhealthy I feel and, although I could write books on how to lose weight I am finding it so hard. I know I am heading towards T2 diabetes (runs in my family) or worse, but the hatred I feel for myself is making it really easy to put my head firmly in the sand.
I also have some other issues that complicate things. I am severely agoraphobic. I can just about get to the school if accompanied by my husband. The school is 10 minutes away. There are days when I feel unable to leave the house at all. This makes exercise near on impossible. I have home workout DVD's, but the out of breath feeling that I get and the sweating makes me feel like I'm having a panic attack. Even though I know it is the exercise, it makes it hard to do. I know I have to get over it, but I don't know how. Panic attacks are so scary that I don't want to feel like I am having one even if I'm not-if that makes sense??
I am on antidepressants (Paroxetine 20mg). Not hugely sure if these also contribute. I also have anxiety induced depression.
I have IBS. This means that eating too much salad based or veggie based meals will have me sitting on the loo for hours or generally in pain. I've had it for years and it's not as bad as it was, but fruit and veg rather that chocolate seems to trigger it badly (oh, the irony). I cannot eat eggs on their own either because of the IBS, nor can I eat wholemeal bread, pasta or rice.
I am fed up of hating myself. I am a (mostly) nice person. I love my children and want to be around for them. My husband doesn't like the way I hate myself. It's tiring to always feel down on myself. I don't see myself as worthy of new clothes because I look awful in them. I don't bother with makeup or doing my hair because it makes no difference to the disgusting sight I see in the mirror.
My husband loves me, my children love me, my mum, dad, sisters, brother, nieces, nephew and grandson love me. I want to learn to love myself.
If you got to the end of this post, thank you. I realise it sounds very self-pitying, but it really is how I feel (while hiding behind a big smile and a jokey manner). Any suggestions, or similar experinces would be gratefully received 