Telling your dd she might need to start to watch her weight ... ?

[BadWool]

I feel so sensitive about this. Dd is nearly thirteen and has never been one of those super skinny kids, she's always had a bit of a tummy and quite stocky thighs but overall a 'normal' weight. This last year she's changed quite dramatically, is wearing an adult size 10 in clothes which is getting quite tight on her. Given that she's only thirteen, do I assume this is a bit of 'puppy fat' and let it go or do I try to steer her away from the chocolate mousse she's begun to crave over the last six months? I cook a lot and we have a very healthy diet at home, no take aways, no ready meals, no fried food. She LOVES chocolate and biscuits and seems to have no end to how many she can eat in one go but this will usually be after a very healthy meal with lots of vegetables. She loves food, all food, good and bad! I don't know her weight as we don't have scales but looking at her and also seeing how rapidly she's outgrowing clothes I can tell she's gaining rate at a very fast pace. any advice? Or should I just go with it, see how it pans out? I would hate to give her a complex.

I don't have any answers and am watching as I've an 11yr old DD in the same boat. People tell me she'll get taller, it's only puppy fat etc. But I don't think that's the case. She would eat a lot more if I let her. She goes to high school in September and I won't have as much input into lunches etc
We talk about eating mindlessly, being aware if you are hungry, perhaps have a glass of water, fill up on veg etc
I too don't want her to have issues etc. it doesn't help that her sister is petite and probably underweight but eats just as much

I wouldn't say anything to her, just limit how much chocolate or biscuits you're buying, maybe start doing an activity with her and wait to see if she's about to have a growth spurt that will even it out a bit.

Forgot to add that we talk about making sensible choices etc as I think, if she does have an issue with her weight, I need her to see that, for some people, they need to exercise control,of what they eat, to some degree. Think that makes sense!

All talked about in a eating healthy way, not because you need to lose weight way!
I need to sleep, sorry

Size 10 for a 13 year-old isn't massive in itself - if she's reached puberty, she will be in women's sizes rather than age ranges. On the other hand, she mightnt grow much taller.

Personally I'd limit the amount of treat stuff in the house. Yoghurts & fruit for puddings and snacks.

I started a thread recently titled "were you overweight as a child?" and it was a mixed bag so no real conclusions but it was interesting to see some of the "thoughts" that had remained from childhood.

Tread carefully.
I think I'd take up an activity with her.

I've 2 dd's and we walk everywhere. It's not just about exercise but we talk a lot on walks. Dd1 tells me many school worries or issues that she wouldn't ever tell me at home.

I usually mention healthy eating/choices/portions in relation to being 'healthy' or I mightn't mention weight but I will mention sweet things being bad for teeth.

I think a size 10 would be pretty normal at 13, depending on her height. It's such a hard age, and hard for mums too.

Do you keep sweet stuff in the house? If so, can you stop and name Friday as the day for eating one or two crap unhealthy items. She sounds like she could be addicted to sugar and will need dedication to stop.

Secondly do you excersise? Does she? Can you walk for half an hour together each night after tea to help with fitness? Maybe enter the race for life together or do the couch to 5k. Zumba class or home DVD.

I agree with other the posters, my ds is 13 and is prone to puppy fat. I have limited snacks in the house and he has started running with me a couple of times a week which helps. I have bought a blender and am going to make some healthy smoothies for the summer rather than ice-creams etc

Size 10 nowadays is what was size 14 in the 1970's
its overweight for a child (or an adult under 5'7" for that matter)

can you see her collar bones?
can you see her ribs if she pulls her tummy in?
can you see her back ribs if she leans over?
does she have any "rolls" at all?

Most parents are in utter denial about the size of their children
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/nhs/11592808/Goldilocks-syndrome-means-parents-are-denial-about-their-overweight-children.html

rather than talk to your child about their weight, talk to them about micronutrients and get them to monitor the mix they have : they will soon spot where their diet goes wrong

serve them smaller portions

do not have snacks in the house

and get them back into regular exercise - even if its jogging around the block

I have two teens, one of whom is heavier built than the other
I have to forget to buy crisps, and chocolate and fizzy drinks are now ONLY at weekends

TalkinPeace, I'm a size 10 and 5'3. I'm just under 9 stone and my bmi is 22, definitely not overweight

People always say that thing about size 10 having changed. I've been between around a size 10 since my twenties. I have a couple of size ten clothes from 20 years ago and they fit fine (except when I've been eating too many cakes )

Foodie
You are clearly not wearing supermarket size 10 - because I'm 5'5, 9 stone and a size 8 in Sainsburys and a 13 year old in Asda or primark

My dd started eating loads at about this age. We spoke a lot about healthy eating choices and she chose lots of food that she liked that wouldn't result in weight gain. She's now 16 and a healthy weight. I always spoke about healthy choices rather than weight.

I was chubbier as a teen as were both my sisters ( not chubby - just chubbier than the adults we grew into) We have all maintained healthy weights with little effort as adults.

Supermarket size 10s are huge

I am reading this with interest - I have an 8yr old who, in the last 6 months, has gained weight. My deep concern is that she knows and is aware of it and has said a few times that she is 'big'. I am concerned that I address it (she is so clued up on healthy eating, exercises a lot - swims once a week, dance lessons x 2 plus school sport which is an independent so a lot) but don't give her issues for life (which I am still trying to deal with)

sigh…. sorry I have nothing to offer.

Someone posted almost exactly the same thread as this, yesterday I believe it was. So many details the same, the age, the sudden growth and the size 10. Spooky!

petit
its about encouraging more veg and exercise and aiming to look fit and lean rather than any particular size

Please don't say anything to your daughters. I was an overweight child (much bigger than a size 10!) and my parents got in a state about it... Which only sent me on mad cycles of binge eating for comfort whe vet they weren't around. I then became bulimic for 15 years trying to get thinner and 'fit in'.
Young girls have so much pressure on them already, please don't add to it. My parents adore me but their focus on my diet and being overweight made me feel very sad and I loved because I didn't look like what they wanted. They did it in a loving 'this is best for you way' but it was so, so destructive to my teenage mind (all those hormones!).
Just limit snacks in the house, do loads of exercise as a family and if you put out chocolate biscuits, make sure there's only one each on the plate.
Maybe hide the snacks when you're not
Around without saying anything so she doesn't end up eating in secret. I'm not
Saying every teenage girl will end up bulimic but I honestly think if my parents had left well alone, I would have just discovered boys and lost the weight then. Best of luck

Sorry for the typos.. I loved was meant to read unloved!

I must start buying clothes at the supermarket!

Oly
Your parents got the balance wrong
but parents should never do nothing
it is their duty as the responsible adult to act responsibly

talkin your figures must be wrong. You can't just use height and say anyone a size 10 and under 5'7" is overweight. It's wrong. I'm 5'5" and a size 10, I weigh 8st 8 and I struggle to keep my weight up. I am not overweight by any stretch of the imagination.

OP I hope you get some sensible advice

Lilly
It massively depends on the size 10 : the waist band difference between Asda and Jasper Conran size 10 is 4 inches
and on the height / waistband measure that is critical

BUT
more to the point
teenagers should be slimmer than old frumps like me
their hips and ribs and collar bones should show
we have lost sight of what healthy weight for a teenager is

and that is caused by too much access to food
which comes down to the choices of parents

FFS, Talkinpeace size 10 is not overweight for an adult under 5'7. I'm 5'4 and have to get well under 9 stone to be a size 10, giving me a BMI under 21.

OP, the best you can do at this point is to emphasise healthy choices and make sure her portions are reasonable and she takes plenty of exercise.