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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

Telling your dd she might need to start to watch her weight ... ?

80 replies

BadWool · 11/05/2015 15:43

I feel so sensitive about this. Dd is nearly thirteen and has never been one of those super skinny kids, she's always had a bit of a tummy and quite stocky thighs but overall a 'normal' weight. This last year she's changed quite dramatically, is wearing an adult size 10 in clothes which is getting quite tight on her. Given that she's only thirteen, do I assume this is a bit of 'puppy fat' and let it go or do I try to steer her away from the chocolate mousse she's begun to crave over the last six months? I cook a lot and we have a very healthy diet at home, no take aways, no ready meals, no fried food. She LOVES chocolate and biscuits and seems to have no end to how many she can eat in one go but this will usually be after a very healthy meal with lots of vegetables. She loves food, all food, good and bad! I don't know her weight as we don't have scales but looking at her and also seeing how rapidly she's outgrowing clothes I can tell she's gaining rate at a very fast pace. any advice? Or should I just go with it, see how it pans out? I would hate to give her a complex.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 11/05/2015 21:06

Itwasmybirthday

I noticed that. I'm thinking namechange with a few details altered an an overall more moderate tone, to see if the same advice it given. Which as far as I can see, it is.

TalkinPeace · 11/05/2015 21:12

ouryve
And as the healthy BMI range is 18.5 to 23 for most women that makes complete sense

petitdonkey · 11/05/2015 21:55

TalkinPeace - I totally agree and, out of my three children, her palate naturally errs towards the most healthy. I am not concerned about her weight (yet) - she has undoubtedly gained some around her middle but hasn't grown up for a while. I have taken a long hard look at our eating habits and think that too much snacking has become a habit (mainly on fruit and yogurt with a few oreos for good measure!).

None of this concerns me too much as I can make subtle changes and she is already an active child - what bothers me is my 8year old saying 'Mummy I'm big' Sad Her phrase. I was bulimic for years and still struggle with my weight (size 12/14 so not massive) - I have been so careful not to talk about good/bad/naughty - I love salads and veg etc so they know about food that keeps you healthy and strong. They also know that cake won't help you grow very much but we all love to bake…..

arrgghh - I am just trying so hard to deal with her comments in a supportive way….

TalkinPeace · 11/05/2015 21:59

They also know that cake won't help you grow very much but we all love to bake…..
As Jane asher said on the radio the other morning
baking is great as a treat once a month
more than a slice of cake a week is not good for you

when she talks about being big, ask whether she is strong and lean and fast and good at jumping or running or climbing
if she aims for fit and lean rather than slim which is an impossible thing for those with large knee joints then you can both relax about it
and just quietly cut down on the sugar in the house

petitdonkey · 11/05/2015 22:08

Good advice - thank you. I will remember that next time she uses that language, she is a lovely ballet dancer (it was in her leotard tonight that she made the comment) and is on the A team for rounders this term, netball last. She also really enjoys running club although she isn't the fastest. I feel I can 'quietly cut down' - just needed a response for when she says it. Thanks again.

petitdonkey · 11/05/2015 22:09

(and I will thank Jane Asher too!! I don't bake every week but DD made scones this weekend - maybe I need to extend her cooking repertoire)

Oly4 · 11/05/2015 22:35

Talkin, I didn't say don't do anything. There are many ways you can influence your child's diet and exercise habits without
Mentioning their weight even once

CornChips · 11/05/2015 22:43

I really think mentioning weight is a bad idea. My DM was and is obsessed with her weight, and mine, and used to just look at me assessingly. Result...... I have had binge and purge issues since I was 13. I am now 42 and 12 stone (at 5 ft 1). I have had years of counselling that made no difference. The issue was.... she made me feel my weight was an issue, my slimness was what made me valuable or not.

DoMeDon · 11/05/2015 22:45

Children gain body fat as they start puberty, body will not begin the process without it. Medically it is normal and the name "puppy fat" is damaging imo. I haven't read whole Fred cos I'm knackered. Never mention watching weight. Healthy eating and exercise, role modelled by adults is the only way. Besides her appearance is irrelevant, her health is all that matters.

CornChips · 11/05/2015 22:50

[applauds DoMe ]

CultureSucksDownWords · 11/05/2015 22:53

Isn't all talk of dress sizes utterly pointless when it comes to judging whether someone is overweight? It's meaningless and non-standard as sizes differ greatly in every shop.

Fwiw, the only time in my life when I was a size 10 I was most definitely not overweight, by any of the reasonable measures such as BMI.

TRexingInAsda · 11/05/2015 22:57

At 13, might it be more effective to watch what food you give her access to, rather than tell her to restrict herself (which she's clearly not doing)? You say she eats loads of chocolate after a big healthy meal - why? Where from? Don't have it in the house or give her one chocolate (or biscuit or whatever) and say that's all she can have. You could also reduce portion sizes if you feel you can't control her chocolate intake, as the Calories have to reduce from somewhere. Maybe give a lot more salad and less meat/sauce/pasta/potatoes etc.

Stillwishihadabs · 12/05/2015 07:37

Some very good advice on here. What about drinks ? There is a fair bit of evidence that the body doesn't "see" calories that are drunk. I would advise only water and milk (or sugar free squash if you must) monday-Friday. Sweetened drinks are a leading cause of obesity.

SisterJulienne · 12/05/2015 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoMeDon · 12/05/2015 09:39

Sweetners are very bad for you, better to have very small amounts of sugar. Sweetners make your body expect a sweet thing and kick into action but without the actual sweet thing being consumed. That and the links to disease are enough to realise they are an alien part of a healthy eating regimen.
If your dd isn't getting regular exercise every day and seeing her family do same then all talk of watch your weight is lost.

Mabelface · 12/05/2015 09:45

I'd also look at portion sizes. Do you give her the same amount of food on the plate as you? You can cut portion sizes without her even realising.

ppeatfruit · 12/05/2015 12:09

If you ALL as a family look at Paul Mckenna's way of eating , it's really good because it educates your body, you eat ONLY when you're hungry and chew slowly, enjoying every bite, this makes you aware of being FULL and then you stop (so you don't push yourself to overeat).

What happens is you eat more often (also it should be nutritious food) but your stomach shrinks so can't over eat. He addresses the emotional issues too.

Agree with pp who said; walk everywhere together. There doesn't need to be gym memberships or whatever.

youmakemydreams · 12/05/2015 12:25

I agree that dress size is irrelevant. Dd is 11 Shock 5'5, 8 stone on the dot and is a size 10 she couldn't wear kids clothes in primark yet she is a stone lighter and the same height as talkin who can.
My sister is an inch shorter than me and at one point weighed 2 stone more than me but was still a clothes size smaller.

oddfodd · 12/05/2015 12:47

How does your DD feel about it? I don't think there's any big issue in having a conversation about calories in vs calories out.

Then you can talk about calories in food. Don't impose things on her - make it her decision but one that you'll support in terms of what food you buy and give her access to.

Children that age can lose weight very quickly with just a few tweaks to their diet.

I really wouldn't leave it if she's gaining weight before your eyes.

GunShotResidue · 12/05/2015 12:56

And as the healthy BMI range is 18.5 to 23 for most women that makes complete sense

Do you have a link for this Talkin as everything I've read says 18.5-25.

My BMI was 22 as a size 10 (I'm 5'5) but my waist to height ratio put me as underweight.

Quitelikely · 12/05/2015 13:06

If she is eating as healthily as you say then cut her portion size and restrict the cakes and biscuits.

Just buy half of what you do now.

If she needs to snack its on fruit or veg.

Is she walking anywhere? Encourage that.

Milllli · 12/05/2015 13:09

How tall is she bad? If she is tall as in over five foot 7 then that seems ok. My daughter gained some extra weight during pubety. I never commented on it negatively as I had a mother who was obsessed with my weight when I was growing up and caused me to have eating disorders. When my daughter was 14 she realised herself that she was eating too much and decided to change it herself. She lost the excess weight and learned how to self regulate in the process. She ate her normal food but smaller portions and listened to her body. She is 20 now and has no food issues. I have practised mindful eating for the last twenty years. So many young girls and women have disordered eating patterns these days compared to when I was younger. Get a good book on the subject of dieting and disordered eating patterns in women and see if that may help to guide you through this potential minefield.

Milllli · 12/05/2015 13:13

Talkingpeace you seem obsessed with body image and calories and I would be careful of passing this into your children.

AggressiveBunting · 12/05/2015 14:43

I would just not buy any chocolate, crisps or biscuits and i'd lose interest in baking. I know ' if they're not there you can't eat them' is trite and annoying but it's also true. Also, while exercise is good for your health, it's ineffective as a weight loss tool- you'd have to run 3 miles to run off 2 chocolate digestives so I don't think you can rely on that with a 13 yr old.

KittiesInsane · 12/05/2015 14:59

BadWool, I've tiptoed around this issue with solidly-built DD for years, trying to cut back subtly on her access to unhealthy food -- complicating factors being a very underweight sibling, and a joint problem that means she doesn't get much exercise. It felt like I was fighting her all the way. I've read some awful stories on here from people whose parents always went on about their weight and REALLY didn't want to do that, but doing nothing equally felt like letting her down.

This year she suddenly announced that she was a bit fed-up of never fitting the right size of clothes for her age, and asked if we'd help. We talked about never going for faddy diets and always making sure you'd had enough of the 'right' food for health. She had some excellent ideas of her own (the biscuit tin is now in her brother's room, for instance, and the neighbour's dog is enjoying the extra walks!).

Two months later, she has a jawline and a waistline back, and is very pleased with herself.

Would it have worked earlier? I don't know; maybe she just needed to feel in control?