Telling your dd she might need to start to watch her weight ... ?

[BadWool]

I feel so sensitive about this. Dd is nearly thirteen and has never been one of those super skinny kids, she's always had a bit of a tummy and quite stocky thighs but overall a 'normal' weight. This last year she's changed quite dramatically, is wearing an adult size 10 in clothes which is getting quite tight on her. Given that she's only thirteen, do I assume this is a bit of 'puppy fat' and let it go or do I try to steer her away from the chocolate mousse she's begun to crave over the last six months? I cook a lot and we have a very healthy diet at home, no take aways, no ready meals, no fried food. She LOVES chocolate and biscuits and seems to have no end to how many she can eat in one go but this will usually be after a very healthy meal with lots of vegetables. She loves food, all food, good and bad! I don't know her weight as we don't have scales but looking at her and also seeing how rapidly she's outgrowing clothes I can tell she's gaining rate at a very fast pace. any advice? Or should I just go with it, see how it pans out? I would hate to give her a complex.

I joined sw two weeks ago, I'm feeding my family the same food.my 13th dd has started to read my books and I've noticed her following sw now herself.

milllli
I'm not obsessed with body image
I'm too old for that
I care about long term health and reducing risk of dementia for me
for my kids : I expect them to be lean - so I bring their diet back to the one that made me and DH lean

Parents who refuse to address the fact that their children are fat are killing them slowly

Policing your kids food and watching their weight for them is controlling and is a sure way to cause huge food issues and body image issues. Surely your kids don't eat the same as you as in 5:2 diet? Only eating 500 calories two days a week then counting calories every day? Im sure you don't mean that.

Talking you seem to have very set views on what is the right weight for everyone. Some parents choose a different way to deal with their childrens weight problems rather than give them a fear of gaining weight and potential eating disorders. Its only when your children grow up that you see the damage that you can do psychologically through being so hung up on weight and food.

Policing your kids food and watching their weight for them is controlling and is a sure way to cause huge food issues
Bollocks
Its called being a parent and being the responsible adult

Before accusing me of getting my kids to do 5:2 / calorie counting, maybe you should read
(a) my posts
(b) the guidance

If more parents were willing to be grown up about ensuring their kids ate well we would not have a childhood obesity epidemic

kids do not have clubcards and nectar cards
the parents are feeding them too much
the parents need to change

Of course we all CARE for our dcs health and well being but putting a child on a diet is not a sensitive thing to do, because, as Millie says, it just makes them feel humiliated and 'different' from their friends (or worse from the rest of the family) which leads to emotional issues around foods later.

Thank you so much everyone. I really need to weigh dd I think - she's quite tall for her age so I would think that even a size 10 she might weigh a bit more than some posts here are suggesting is normal. I've been encouraging her to eat fruit - nectarines, strawberries and raspberries are lovely at the moment. She loves them all and is, so far, happy replacing biscuits with fruit. She makes various comments about her weight and size so I know she's aware of changing. I haven't said anything negative to her at all, I'll see what I can do without making an issue of it first.

Height does affect weight though and clothes size.

How tall is she?

Have you asked her how she feels about the changes?

(Protein may be more helpful than fruit in terms of satiety. She could have fat-free Greek yogurt with her berries).

Talkin I think you've been talking a lot of sense on this thread. I liked your description of a slim body as an alternative to using dress sizes and BMI.

Height, gosh I should know. I would say she's around 5.3 now. I'm tall - 5,9 and her dad was 6,5 so I guess tall genes are in her. I don't have scales so I don't know her weight but last time she was weighed at the GP she was just over 6 stone. I think now she'd be more like 6.5-7 stone but I would be surprised if she was more.

Vivacia, after school yesterday she had two nectarines and a couple of slices of ham so the protein was there. She eats brilliantly healthy main meals - last night she had salmon in ginger with rice and broccoli. It's the afterwards where it goes wrong and she tries to get her hands on anything sweet.

Would you say that she's eating despite not being hungry then?

last night she had salmon in ginger with rice and broccoli.

And you say that this would have been made from scratch at home?

At nearly 13 and 5 ft 3...the healthy BMI range extends to just over 9 stones for girls.

Do you really think she's put on more than 3 stones since she was last at the GP?

If you're both tall, honestly, I think it's much more likely that this is her changing shape just before she hits puberty and gets her big growth spurt than that she's overweight.

Yes tabulah ds had a pre pubertal chubby stage, he had size 10 shoes at age 10 but was just under 5ft. Now he's 26 (and he grew really fast from age 13 ) he's 6ft. and slim. I'm glad i didn't say anything.

ppeatfruit - my DS's feet grew first as well, lol.

Both of mine looked suddenly a bit chubbier just before they had their big growth spurt...although being different sexes it was at different ages and DS's didn't stop for what seemed like years, lol. (We think he's stopped now at 6 ft 2.5, but it's a bit hard to tell as we can't reach up there, lol)

DD especially seemed to get a layer of fat, then grew and suddenly redistributed everything into hips and breasts rather than being child shape. At just turned 15, she's 5 ft 7, 9 stone and a very slim looking size 6-8, all well within healthy, but she was definitely more like a size ten just before she grew, she actually shrank out of clothes in width at the same rate as growing out of them in length. Partly because she grew faster than she put on weight, but partly because her shape changed so drastically.

I really wouldn't worry about a child who is approaching puberty who isn't even as high as the mid point of a healthy BMI range suddenly looking a bit chubbier.

Is she eating biscuits, chocolate etc out of habit rather than hunger?

She needs to fill up on protein and veg before she hits the sugar stuffed food.

I agree tabulah I'd hate the thought that I'd over reacted with ds or dd1 who was also chubby at that age and later too but has never grown any taller than 5ft. she just said to herself 'that's enough' and is slim now. She has an intolerance to wheat and immediately lost weight when she stopped the pasta habit.

I think I need to measure and weigh her properly as I'm guessing a bit at the moment but I would be really surprised if she was 9 stone. She's grown such a lot so quickly, upwards and outwards, that I really have lost track.

Vivacia, I cook all her food at home and make her school packed lunches. This craving she has for sweet stuff has only really been over the last 10 months.

As to whether she eats if not even hungry ... I think she is genuinely hungry actually and eats really well but the sugary stuff is irresistable.

My 11yo has gone from normal to gaunt in about 3 weeks. It's amazing how their weight fluctuates at this age.

I'd say carry on with what you're doing - a watchful, discrete eye, & cooking healthy food but do limit how much treat stuff is brought into the house as it is addictive & the more you have, the more you want but conversely the less you have the less you want.

BadWool I wouldn't bother to make an issue out of it. Maybe give her MSM crytals which are easy to take in water and are a sulphur supplement to help with the cravings.

I think having something sweet, such as a biscuit is ok, but more than that I'd be worried about emotional eating.

Something like "salmon in ginger with rice and broccoli" could be either incredibly healthy, lean and filling or packed with empty calories from sugar and sweetener.

Oh I happen to know DD's current height and weight rather than always knowing btw, lol.

I think concentrating on healthy eating and lifestyle in general - for everyone is better than any particular worrying about your DD in particular is better if you see what I mean.

If she continued to put on weight without growing, then yes it might be appropriate to target her eating in particular, but I really wouldn't stress too much until she's grown a bit.

It's not the constant access to foods that's a problem, it's the type of foods eaten

Various
It's not the constant access to foods that's a problem, it's the type of foods eaten
Yes and no.
Constant grazing is not at all good for the insulin system
it is much better for the body to have meals and clear gaps
so allowing children to graze during the evening is damaging their insulin system : hence the growth of type 2 diabetes

OP
Your DD is having lots of fruit - but that all contains sugar
would she be willing to munch on a carrot? or chunks of cucumber? or a handful of nuts?
vegetables are really important

As I said upthread the 'allowing children' attitude can be damaging. its much better if you all as a family cut down on eating rubbish (and buying it of course) esp. reduce the grazing in the evenings.

Talkin It's true about constant grazing, I reckon it's that and all the screen time plus being driven, or driving, everywhere that is affecting all of us badly, our weight and health.