How to support DH in losing weight

[nightandthelight]

Hello,

Wasn't sure whether to post this here or in relationships! Basically DH is overweight (that's not just me thinking it his BMI and body fat percentage say the same). He is aware of this and want a to change as he is very health focused however he is really struggling.

He has no problem with the exercise which he does shed loads of but he is unable to change his diet. Last night for example he polished off an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's and that is not an irregular occurrence. He just doesn't seem to have a stop button (he is the same with money).

Worryingly he puts all the weight on on his abdomen which is the most dangerous place to put on weight so I an quite worried. He is only 23 so I think that if he can't tackle it now it will only get worse with age.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can support and encourage him without being a nag or making him unhappy with himself?

The short answer is - you can't. It has to come from him.

I have had eating disorders for many years (mainly binge eating, alternating with short anorexic phases). I was slightly overweight at the beginning of my relationship with DH. I became obese (my BMI was over 35). Nothing he could have said or done would have changed anything. It was hard, and it still is. I sometimes slip back into my old habits for a while but I have never let my weight increase that much again.

I would be worried if he is the same with money TBH - are you ready to spend the rest of your life with someone who seems to have an addictive personnality? He is only hurting himself by overeating, but you could end up in big trouble because of his overspending.

Hi senatus many thanks for such a long reply :) I do appreciate that it has to come from him and I can't force him, I guess I just want to do what I can to support him but realise that he needs to take the first step.

I did think about the money before I married him and have put in safeguards such as each of us retaining our own current and savings accounts. He knows what he has to contribute to household bills etc and he has to pay that in on the day he gets paid. What he then does with his money is up to him. It does annoy me when I am saving hard for our family and future and he isn't but I knew this when I married him and decided I could live with it.

He is absolutely wonderful in so many ways and treats me incredibly, better than anyone has before. I love him to bits which is why it upsets me that he is damaging his health like this.

I guess I just have to hope that he finds the willpower to diet for himself.

Who buys the icecream?

Exercise, while of course it has significant health benefits, makes a fairly minimal difference to weightloss, as shown in a lot of well-considered studies. (I haven't been able to exercise at all due to an injury, but have lost four stone since the summer.) Is he feeling that his exercise is all the effort he should be making, and that diet isn't important?

When you say he has no stop button, it made me think of a series of recent Horizon documentaries on BBC2 called something like 'What's the Right Diet For Me?' I can't link here, but I think they are still up on the iPlayer, and there is a quiz you can take which identifies what kind of overeater you are.

One type was nicknamed a 'Feaster' - someone who, once they start eating, seem not to be able to get full at the same time as everyone else, possibly due to a lower level of a particular hormone. (Paraphrasing the science here, but the diet and obesity experts involved were from top RG universities, so I'm assuming the experiments with the volunteers had a sound basis.) What they suggest as an ideal diet type for 'Feasters' (I can't remember, but it might have been intermittent fasting?) might be helpful for your husband.

Show him the test - but the rest has to come from him.

Thank you so much tis I will look that up as soon as poss. I have stressed to DH several times the studies showing that exercise makes minimal difference and he does understand but he just can't control the eating side of things.

He buys the ice cream (and almost all snacks). I have encouraged him not to do so and even said that I am on a diet to try and make him not bring them home (had to stop this as I am only just in the normal bmi range and ended up underweight). He will just eat at work though.

Hopefully a diet tailored to him will actually work :)

All the episodes are on iPlayer and the quiz is available on the internet :) Will try and discuss it tactfully this weekend.

Has he been tested for Diabetes? The binge-eating sounds to me (I am not a doctor and nor do I play one on TV) like he is experiencing blood sugar crashes and trying to "fix" them by eating like this.

Thanks for the suggestion tipp diabetes has never occurred to me but is something I will suggest as a possibility :)