As I know it's annoying when the OP doesn't update 
but I can't find my original post
Getting better. I've gone back low carb/eating clean, and using my fitness pal. Seem to be averaging 1600 cals per day unless on an exercise day when I hit about 2000
I've found a place that does free counselling and have an assessment there next month. I still hate myself but hoping the counselling can help me work through that, and thank you for all the on thread advice 