BigMoFos Week 6

[WigWamBam]

New week, new thread - let's fill it with positive attitude and lots of support.

He's just got in from Sainsbury's and presented me with a mascarpone and raspberry danish pastry ... and when I pointed out that I'm meant to be on a diet he just shrugged and said "I thought you'd like it ... you don't have to eat it".

Yeah, and it's that easy

WWB - I'm :( and all at once for you. You're doing so well but also having to fight against this sabotage.

Can you get any kind of an explanation from him about why he does this?

I could cry, I don't know why he's doing it. He said they were reduced so he bought them because he knows I like them - but I've told him over and over again this last couple of weeks that he's got to stop doing it.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion it's deliberate, I can't see any other reason why he'd do it. He's bringing things home more often since he realised I was dieting than he did before, and it's not the first time - I realised the last time I was on a diet that he had upped the treats.

I don't understand why he would want to undermine my determination. I think we need to have a talk again, see if he takes it in this time.

I'd make some scathing comment about bloody men if it wasn't for the fact we have a bear-grappler on the thread ... shall stick to a comment about bloody man instead.

I just feel so sad and angry that he's done this.

I wonder if he's taking your weight-loss plans seriously. I can remember a few years ago when I was trying to lose weight after ds1 was born. Dh kept coming home from the shop with chocolate bars and (my personal weakness) Caramac bars. I don't think he was trying to keep me overweight as such but I think he thought it was just a fad or something. Sadly he turned out to be right but obviously that's not the case for you - especially now you've got the BigMoFo's cheering you on.

Could he have a read of BigMofos ?

Maybe you need to clearly explain how massive your issue with this type of foodstuff to dh in v. clear basic terms and that you find it very frustrating / hard when he brings this home to you (although you appreciate the sentiment of him wanting to be 'nice' ...)

Also, you could maybe work out your WW daily allowance (I can do this for you if you like) and than calculate the points in the pastry (which I imagine is massive) and he can see how such a treat would really muck with your daily diet / impact the other food you can eat that day etc. etc. etc.

The points in that pastry (which is still sitting in the kitchen, amazingly enough ... I feel quite proud) would go through the roof. Mascarpone, I ask you. I don't even want to know how many calories are in it ... probably more than I ought to be eating in a day.

Will have to have a good talk to him over the weekend; I can't be arsed at the moment because it doesn't seem to mean anything to him, but we will talk over the weekend (well, I'll talk; whether he listens remains to be seen).

Maybe he thinks "Yeah, yeah, heard it all before" - I've never lost it all before, why would it work now? I don't know, he didn't bat an eyelid when I spoke to him earlier. It just seems as if he doesn't think he's doing anything (a) wrong or (b) different to normal, but he really has upped the treats.

Sorry, but he is doing something wrong as he is not supporting you in your goal. If he wants to help you lose weight he should lay off these stupid 'gifts'.

(I know that's a bit harsh and not my normal style, but I can relate to this and I know how completely FRUSTRATING and DEMORALISING and ANNOYING it is when these treats etc. are brought into the house... at some point in the future, when the weight is much less of an issue, or the cravings aren't at the forefront of our minds etc. then perhaps it would be nice, but until then, it's really not helpful).

As a postscript, isn't it weird, when you think about it, how much 'crap food' is pivotal to our social world... we give each other chocolates when we go to friends' houses... we meet for coffee (ie. cake)... people might bring a speical desert etc. etc.... all these activities almost invariably involve additional challenge for those with unhealthy eating habits / poor 'no' muscles...

You're right; food really is central to our social world, and particularly "luxury" or indulgent food - the kind that when you're fat you are judged for eating. It's odd that it takes on such an importance.

I was thinking last night that maybe my dh is doing something like my mother used to do ... if you love something, feed it. Food = love to her - and was her only way of demonstrating it. Hmmmmm ... there's a whole other thread there.

He actually suggested I might want the pastry for breakfast this morning and was quite surprised when I had a bowl of cornflakes instead and gave the pastry to my dd ... maybe not the best use for it but she's skinny and is allowed a treat sometimes!

We are off to the school fete in a bit, and if he tries plying me with veggie burgers and chips from the food stand he will have them shoved where the sun don't shine.

I have visions of Mr WWB staggering home bow-legged with a variety of chips, burgers and pastries protruding from his backside. :o

I hope he gets the message this time, WWB. Well done on resisting the pastries.

You're right about the food = love thing (I agree how other thread needed!). I think you did the best thing - give away anything "bad" he brings you and make sure he sees you doing it. He'll get the message eventually.

If you really want to be brutal put them straight in the bin and put something horrible on top of them. Then smile nicely and say sweetly - "that was a really nice thought but next time buy something I don't have to eat to enjoy".

Well, he didn't come home with a veggie sausage crammed up his nether regions but that was more to do with the ineptitude of the barbecuers ...

DH: (standing at BBQ) We're all having a hot-dog, are we?
Me: No, I'm fine thanks. You and dd have one though.
DH: (to BBQers) Two hot-dogs and a veggie one, please.
Me: No, I'm fine thanks.
BBQer: I'll have to cook the veggie one for you now, we haven't bothered with them yet. It'll be about 20 minutes.
Me: No, I'm fine thanks. I won't wait; just the two meat ones please.
DH: (to BBQer) Can you put the veggie one on and we'll come back in 20 minutes and all have one.
Me: (grits teeth) No we WON'T! (leg twitching from wanting to stamp on his foot) I'm fine, just the two meat ones please.
DH: Harummmmppppphhhhhh ...

Do you think he might be going deaf or something, or does he just not give a sh*t?

We will be having strong words tonight.

Ooh, how frustrating WWB. We were at DD's school summer fair today too, and I did have a hot dog. Compounding the damage done by the very delicious meal we had out last night. Drank more alcohol in one evening than in the last 6 weeks put together. Mind you, I don't think I've drunk any at all in the last 6 weeks, and I had one glass of champagne before the meal, one glass of white wine with my main course, and one very gorgeous brandy with my coffee, so not exactly Oliver Reed.

I do hope you manage to make him see sense - it's so unfair of him. Can you play the health card (the 'you want me to be alive in 20 years, don't you' kind of thing)? Best of luck.

wwb, I do feel for you. It must be really hard for you I think my hubb's kind of similar, he just popped in with a cold lager and a bag of crisps for me, I accepted the lager but turned down the crisps (one step at a time!) He's gone off in a huff now because he thinks he's done something wrong......I think Italy & USA are cheering him up!
From what you've said it does seem as if he is a bit of a rarity, he does love you just the way you are. But as lovely as that is health wise it doesn't help (obviously endorphins get a boost from knowing how much you're loved) I think you have to use the health card though to get your point accross, then give him a big cuddle.
(sorry for being soppy but I think it's lovely that he buys you treats, even if they're naughty, not all that many people think to treat their partener very often, just ask him to get you flowers or naughty undies next time )

Spoke to him ... yes, he understands I want to lose weight; yes, he understands about the health issues, yes, he understands that he hasn't been very supportive, yes, he'll try and be more sensitive. And he wants to lose some weight too, and he thinks cutting down on food and treats is a good idea.

Three minutes later: "I fancy a Chinese. D'you want one?" And off he's gone to get himself one

He does love me whatever my size, and I'm happy about that - unlike a lot of people he sees through the fat to the person underneath and values me for that, not for the size of my arse. But he's never known me slim, and I wonder if that makes a difference.

Oh WWB - I am sorry you are going through this! Do you think that he is frightened that if you lose the weight you will be too good for him and too attractive to other men? I remember reading this once about a man whose wife lost loads of weight and he was also constantly trying to sabotage his wife's efforts. My DH has always been a bad influence when I have been dieting before but the only way I have stopped it this time is by guilting him into doing the diet with me as he is also overweight - we have made it into a bit of a competition which works well because he is fiercly (sp?) competetive! Is he much overweight?

WWB :( He just doesn't get it at all does he? I must admit that I would've been absolutely furious about the BBQ. Grrr!

I haven't deserted you all - have been away for the week. Fantastic weight losses everyone. Sorry you're not having a great time WWB.

my news is that I appear to be pregnant
Only just over 4 weeks though so very early days and I am not counting any chickens. However, I would like to stay on this thread if that's OK, not neccesarily posting weight losses, but I am DETERMINED not to pile on loads of weight, I want to eat healthily.

We'll see if I stick to that when the carb cravings kick in a couple of weeks (if this is anything like the last time).....

Wow arfy! Congratulations! What fabulous news.

Oh, Arfy ... congratulations! What fantastic news.

Hey arfy congrats! You can join me in the "pregnant-posters-on-this-thread" club. I AM trying to lose weight still though - but am being v sensible about how I do it. I'm not eating less - just not eating junk and it seems(seemed) to be working til the trip to Dublin. BUT having said that, I've been extra good this week so hopefully we'll see a loss on Wednesday!

Congratulations arfy!

Congratulations, Arfy! :o:o:o

thanks everybody! I didn't realise you were pregnant DublinDee - congratulations! Yes I think I would like to sensibly lose some weight at least at the start, the thought of getting even more huge is very depressing!

Everyone has done so well on this thread, it was such a great idea WWB. And well done on that stone Hub2Dee

I'm sorry I haven't been reading these threads very closely recently - have been sooo busy. it was probably perfectly obvious that DD was pregnant and I completely missed it.

will have more time now to Mumsnet as really busy period is now over. Lovely