When shall we three meet again? The not quite NT, not quite weightloss thread ......

[moosemama]

We were full up ladies, so we finally have our very own weightloss-ish thread!

Thanks guys, all this advice is really helping.

I'm struggling to identify hours to be honest, mainly because he needs help with aspects of literacy in particular, but won't need it for every literacy lesson. Its mostly to do with understanding characters, inference and comprehension - so all theory of mind stuff really, as well as help with imagination and creative writing. I think the school is very resistant to him having 1:1 in lesson time, so it needs to be watertight if he's going to get it.

I'm thinking at least 15 minutes should be allowed for morning and afternoon contact time, so there's time to organise books and equipment, discuss the day and do the feelings diary. Then ten minutes after playtime and lunchtime for a quick touch base and feelings diary again. So that would be 50 minutes a day, which adds up to 4.17 mins a week.

He then needs an hour a week 1:1 session based around emotional literacy, anxiety management and confidence building and a weekly social skills group.

On reading how much support they think he should have around developing organsational skills and knowing how much he struggles with assembly, I'm wondering if I should push for him to have 1:1 instead of attending assemblies - which, I think, would be half an hour Mon, Tues and Thurs and an hour Wed and Fri, so another 3.5 hours.

Hmm, so that would be 8 hours 47 minutes 1:1 and an hour of group work a week. I think.

Yy, but we had the same issues with dd2.

She only needed help for certain things, but these were just randomly spread, tbh. No real way of time tabling when they were going to rear and she would need support. She def didn't need ft 1-1. So, like you, it was just a case of coming up with an average week of support needs and adding up the times.

Nearly there, moose.nearly there.

I wouldn't ask for him to skip assembly, tbh. Really valuable social skills time and makes him part of the group. Assemblies can be talked about all day. But def add the organisational time on. You don't have to specify exactly where in the day it should be. As long as he gets that support. (dd2 needed support for assemblies, if that's helpful. Sometimes they could be noisy, or overwhelming, and she would have to leave. Particularly if there was a visiting musician or band, or whatever)

Thanks madwoman.

I am fully aware I am being a neurotic pita, but I can't seem to help it. So thank you for your patience.

Its not helping that my brain just refuses to kick into gear this week to the extent that even adding up simple digits has had to be done on a calculator.

The assembly thing has come about because he finds it stressful and distressing and his teacher is exasperated at trying to find ways of getting him to sit still and not chat to the child next to him. He regularly has to leave, as he goes into himself and starts fretting about one or more of his current anxieties, then ends up in tears and needs counselling. He also gets told off by other teachers fairly regularly, because although they know he has ASD and went on the ASD awareness day last year, they don't seem to realise that he really can't help it. It would be much easier if he could 'zone out' during assemblies, like he does in lessons.

Dh is just off on a petrol hunt - and is then going to come back and go through it with me. Hopefully he will be more switched on than me and we might make some headway.

Thank heavens we have this extra time before our 15 days starts.

It'll be easy to put the time in to cover 1-1 for assembly then? (same with dd2, she would regularly have to leave, and so there needed to be someone who could take her out. The TA usually sat next to her so could spot any issues). The presence of a TA, even lurking nearby, would serve as a visual reminder to other staff, and also give him something to focus on, too?

You're not a neurotic pita, you're a mother. (not sure if that should read, yeah, you're a neurotic pita, but that's because you're a mother... )

I have honed my neuroses to the point that I am fully aware that I am a pita, but have developed a disarming smile and an insistence that no-one could possibly disagree with me because I am so rational.

Not on here, obv.

On here I'm a neurotic pita. a disarming smile is so tricksy to get over in type, and so I just blunder around like a bull in a china shop, scattering nonsensical emoticons at will. Hey ho.

Am starting to do a small amount of fretting that there will be no gas in the hire car.

They're refilling the pumps fairly regularly round here now madwoman, so you should be ok. Dh has managed to fill up the car - which was running on fumes and the camper, which we need to collect dd's bed on Sunday. Am sure the hire companies will be making sure their cars are all refuelled as a matter of priority.

I am pretty good at the smile and calm exterior in meetings and also at restating my case endlessly rather than backing down or trying to argue, so hopefully it will stand me in good stead. I tend to just come home and have a very private breakdown afterwards.

Well, dh and I have just gorn through the statement and compared them with the depersonalised ones Alison222 sent me, which are for a child of the same age with similar needs. Conclusion is ... what we have is a crock of ... well you get the picture. Ours doesn't even vaguely resemble the others, its poorly written with bad grammar, atrocious punctuation (which is saying something coming from me ) and no discernable structure, let alone any quantification or specification.

We read the SOSSEN and Treehouse advice and they say we have to justify every single amendment and should just ask the LEA to look at the statement again and specify/quantify in the first instance - but this thing honestly needs a complete rewrite. There is simply no correlation between parts 2 and 3 or even the objectives (which aren't SMART) and the provision within section 3.

Plan is to call Parent Partnership tomorrow and ask how we should approach getting the LEA to change just about every point throughout the whole statement. Hopefully the Head of Inclusion will be at ds's LS review tomorrow morning and I will also ask her if she would come and go through it with me. She was fantastic going through my evidence this time last year and it was her that drove the school to produce enough evidence for my SA request to be taken seriously. She came for a half hour meeting and stayed for three hours trawling through heaps and heaps of paperwork and schoolbooks etc with me.

I am now angry, but ready to fight at least. I was more than a bit lost there for a while.

Ugh. How depressing.

Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep and can hold your own tomorrow x

Meeting went ok. The school didn't know we'd got the statement, so we have arranged another meeting to discuss it, but looking at the dates, I now think it will be too late.

Weighed in this morning:

Friday 30 March: 10 st 13 oz (153 lbs)

Not desperately concerned, as my TOM is due any second and I've started being good again, although not restarted working out yet.

Would love to be at least 10 stone 10 by the end of the month.

I've been really enjoying big salads this week, but they are predicting snow for next week now, so that might put the kybosh on that until it warms up again.

Feeling a bit up and down. Ds threw a chair (a chair ffs) at a girl's head on Thursday so the SENCo and the nurture group teacher had me and ds in a room to talk about it. I felt uncomfortable with the way it was handled tbh. It was all 'look what you have done' and comments about how scheming he had been about it.

Now I'm not condoning what he did, not by a long way, but the point has to be why he did it. They thought it was because she was telling him to be quiet (which he can't do), but when I spoke to him about it later he told me that it was to make her make a noise!

They get stickers for good behaviour and one of the rewarded good behaviours is sitting quietly on the mat. This little girl is always at the top of the reward chart and ds is always at the bottom plus he leaves at 12 so no chance of redeeming at the end of the day. So there she is, having told him to be quiet, sitting cross legged on the mat finger on lips obviously going to get a bloody sticker (this is ds's point of view) and there he is unable to stop making noises already been sent to another part of the room for annoying everyone, obviously not going to get a sticker. So he threw the chair at her to get her to make a noise and so not get a sticker. When it hit her and she cried, he laughed not because he was happy she was hurting but because she was making a noise! Job done! And then all hell breaks loose and he is removed and she gets rewarded anyway.

He was still angry about what he could see as the deeper injustice. They wanted him to be punished and then start the day in isolation. So, he ended the day negatively and started the day negatively and he did not understand why.

I explained all this to the SENCo and that in our experience (which is considerable) reward charts and sanctions don't work. If he is set up in competition against other children he will fail because it is not fair from the get go. It's a bit like being in a running race when you can't even walk properly.

To be fair to the SENCo she was very willing to listen, took on board everything I said, photocopied the whole chapter on education from the Understanding PDA in Children book I showed her and I'm pretty confident they will try to do their best. But he will need to be treated differently to the other children and schools find that very hard.

Anyway, then I weighed myself and I'm back up to 10 stone.

I am with you in spirit moose, unfortunately I am of no practical use. I'll hold your hand though. The whole assembly thing is a difficult one here too. I think it's good for some but can get the day off to a divisive start with fellow pupils and teachers. How's your head today?

When do you arrive in Blighty madwoman? I need to give the bunting a rinse.

I have no petrol in my car and the pumps are mad round here. Walking everywhere should help with that sodding pound though

Lamb.

It sounds like the school need back up from someone more qualified and experienced to help them understand the reasons behind your ds's behaviour and come up with some strategies to deal with this sort of reaction before it happens. I guess there's a potential problem with that though, in that PDA is a relatively newly recognised problem that there aren't enough 'experts' on, especially not in MS education.

Have the school tried approaching outreach for support - or do you need a dx in your area? We were lucky, you didn't need a dx - just enough red flags and suspicion - to get support when we brought them in for ds. Others won't be so lucky, as they are changing their policy from next September to say they will only work with dxd children - all down to funding of course.

Once you've listened to him and understood why he did it it makes perfect sense, well from a child's perspective anyway. As you said, they should be addressing the reasons why he felt he needed to take such drastic action to be recognised. In particular they should be finding out what does motivate him and using that. They are setting him up to fail with their current system.

Its good that the SENCO was willing to listen and will try to implement some strategies from the book. Do you think a donation of a couple of copies of the book to the school might be a good idea?

Bet your pound is just water weight and will be gone again in a couple of days. I have found myself considering drastic action to get properly back on track. Was thinking about cycling my calories, so very low a couple of days a week, low/sensibly a couple more and then one maintenance level day. Thought I might do it by eating only fresh fruits, veg and nuts with the odd bit of cheddar and egg thrown in occasionally and cutting out everything else for a while. A bit like I did when I started last year. Finding the whole idea a bit daunting though, especially with the holidays coming up, knowing I will be on my own at home with all three dcs.

My head is still not right, thanks for asking, but a lot less painful than it has been. Unfortunately dh has come down with manflu this weekend, so we are griping at each other constantly in a horrible parody of the kids behaviour. At least I can blame my hormones, he only has a cold ffs!

They do need some help I think. It just goes contrary to everything society expects; child led, no demands, no competition ... It's very scary actually, we struggle day to day so chuck a load of other kids into the mix, many with problems of their own, and it must feel impossible. It is a newly recognised condition so they are doing their very best but sort of in the dark. I do remember them saying though that there was a girl with PDA a year or two above him , surely this can't all be news? I'd better find out.

The book donation is a good idea, it does need to be read as a whole rather than taking just the one chapter. I'll find out about that too . Thank you.

He is due his CAMHS appointment for assessment for PDA through soonish. There's no one in this area who can dx PDA so I suppose they're shipping someone in from elsewhere. If they say he hasn't got PDA then I really will be at a loss. It's the only thing that fits, and I mean totally fits.

The little girl was fine btw, I saw her the next day and she was all smiles and waved at ds bless her. It's so heartbreaking. I really don't want to be in the position of apologising and living in fear of other parents like last year.

I feel like my diet needs a boost again too. You get in a rut don't you? The Anna Richardson thing worked really well for me last time so I'm starting that again as of today, and working out 3/4 times a week if not more. I did a mammoth hour long Davina workout this afternoon so I'd better have lost this time next week.

I saw the photos from the wedding and although I do look ok, it has made me more determined than ever to get to 9 stone. I don't carry weight very well and look chunky rather than rounded.

Your poor head is it related to your MS/ME? Your dh should be looking after you not coming down with man flu. I swear they do that on purpose to get attention, they can't bear someone else needing more care than them! Have you got anything planned for the holidays? Or will it be one day at a time crowd control?

If it fits Lamb, I'm sure he'll get the dx and then hopefully both you and the school might be able to access some specialist support.

Glad the little girl was ok. Children tend to brush these things off far quicker than adults do.

You cannot possilby look chunky in those photos. If there is even a hint of chunk, then it must be down to a crap photographer. You'll disappear if you keep moving your goal weight! I think we're about the same height and I look gaunt at anything under about 9 stone 9lbs, so 9 stone would be verrry thin and not at all easy to maintain for our height.

Not sure what's up with my head, could be viral or hormonal, but the vision thing with my right eye is related to the MS/ME problem and I've had that all week now.

Dh did actually take all three dcs out to visit the PILs this afternoon, but I had to use the time to work on rewriting the statement. It took most of that time to import it into word and format it, then read all the reports from professionals. Turns out its pretty much a cut and paste job from a combination of all the reports, which is why it covers everything, but isn't specified. Hopefully they'll be happy to make the millions of changes I want as I'm not contesting the content or provision.

The only thing I have planned for the holidays is surviving the boys' birthdays. Ds1 has his best friend coming round for the afternoon on his and ds2 has his two closest friends coming round on his. They are 8 days apart, so hopefully I will have time to recover - I may enlist my mum for back-up on the days though. Other than that I thought we'd do the usual trips to the local park, weather permitting and perhaps have a day out with Mum somewhere.

How about you - are you planning anything nice this holiday?

Our holidays don't start until next Friday though.

No wonder you've had a headache really with all that you've had to do recently. Is it just a case of submitting it now then? Hope the worst is over.

Happy Birthday mini mooses! Are the pressies sorted now? I'm sure they'll have lovely days with their friends. Thank god for mothers, mine is having ds2 for a week! We're going to stay over the Easter weekend then leaving him, and I'll meet her half way to pick him up again. She's bracing herself!

I think I'm shorter than you - 5' 5" and I'm big on top so I probably feel chunkier than I am. I was always 9 stone before though ... My BMI is 23 and I think I'd like it to be 21. If I find it too hard though I will accept myself at this weight, it's not a bad weight at all, I'd just like a bit of give either way!

Aaargh! No! The presents aren't sorted and I'm quietly panicking. I need to go through their lists with dh and decide what we, Mum, PILs and Great Aunts will be buying.

I've bought some books and that's it so far, as dh is being all nowty about how much I'm allowed to spend due, not to the cost of Legoland itself, as that was paid for back in January, but the cost of kennelling the blooming dogs for the weekend.

Oooh a whole week child free - heaven! You lucky thing.

My lovely mum is having our brood for the day tomorrow so we can go and collect dd's new 'big girl' bed and visit our best mate. Can't wait for the peace to be honest.

I'm 5'7" (finally agreed after dh convincing me I was nearer 5'6" ) and am still a blooming 34GG even after losing all the weight I have. I'd like to have a BMI of 21 too, not sure why. I think it just sounds safely in the middle of the healthy range. Mines currently 24, although it was 23.6 the weekend of the party.

I would need to be 9st 8lb to have a BMI of 21 though and I know from previous experience that that weight is not a good look on me. Still not sure what my final goal is going to be, at this rate it'll be 10 stone 13lbs, as I just don't seem to be able to get properly back on track at the moment. The sunny weather helped this week, but now they're going to throw minus temps and snow at us again.

I'm kind of thinking I will have to learn to accept at some point that, while I'll manage to stick to a healthy diet and manage to exercise more in the summer, I'm always going to be a bit of a podge in the winter and end up feeding my sugar addiction through the colder months. I need to stop having unrealistic expectations of myself and accept my limitations, so I don't constantly feel like a failure. At the same time though, I need to realise that I can indulge my sugar addiction and carb cravings sensibly, without putting back on all the weight I've lost over the summer.

I really want to get back into exercising now, am getting bored, twitchy - and flabby!

Lamb - sorry about the chair incident, the reward system they have does seem rather counterproductive, particularly if they aren't factoring in that it's a lot harder for him to get stickers if he's only in school half the day. Once had a dragon SALT insist good sitting was crossed legs as well as still etc - fortunately only had her for one group session, but at the time was very at appropriateness for a group of kids with SN.

Moose - a pain that your childfree afternoon was spent wrangling with statement wording. Hope it clears up soon.

Atm I am focus on getting under BMI 30 - just under half a stone to go. So anything under 25 feels like a distant dream!!

TLP, I think I had a BMI of around 34 this time last year - you'll get there.

I remember being over the moon when I got under 25. I used to keep going back into the BMI calculator on MFP as I got nearer the goal, just to watch the numbers go down.

Of course that was around the time my lovely dh convinced me I was actually only 5' 6", so had a good few pounds more to lose before I was in the healthy bracket. I could cheerfully have punched him on the nose. I didn't find out he was wrong until a few weeks back either!

TLP what are you doing to lose the weight? I'm very aware that last year we talked about food and exercise a lot more than we are now. First thing that helped me was myfitnesspal so I could see that my supposedly healthy diet was actually vast and full of stuff I really didn't need. So I removed the extras like wine and snacks, and then eliminated carbs like bread, pasta, potatoes and rice.

Now for breakfast I have a small amount of porridge made with water, banana, splash of skimmed milk, and some cinnamon with a large mug of green tea. Or rye toast with marmite or peanut butter and an apple.

Lunch is 2 boiled eggs and 2 ryvita and Earl Grey tea

Dinner is either fish or chicken with vegetables or salad with sparkling water.

If I'm hungry between meals I always have blueberries available that I buy frozen and skinny frothy coffee (homemade).

Now this tends to go out the window a bit at weekends or when I've had a particularly bad day/week (see above) but it works when I stick to it.

I try to do a workout (45 mins/1 hour) about 3/4 times a week and walk for half an hour a day (hilly).

I recently gave my weight loss a jolt by doing Anna Richardson's Body Blitz for 14 days and lost 6lbs.

I know I find it useful to see what other people are doing just to compare if nothing else. We're all different, and what works for me might be the exact opposite of what you want to do. It has taken me ages to find a way of eating that I can live with, and sometimes setting down everything I have eaten for all to see has helped me to see where I'm going wrong and helped me to revise for the next week's goal.

Talking of which, I would like to be back under 10 stone for next week, but will try to be philosophical whatever

thanks Moose, it's v useful to see that if I stick to it , I could be skinny by this time next year!

Lamb - what I do isn't dissimilar to you, if not quite ahem as committed. I eat about 1500 cals per day, and aim for 5 hours exercise a week (harder now working 5 days instead of 2), a mix of walking, exercise bike and workout DVDs. We're have a belt tightening month atm, so can't afford too many fresh fish and berries, do the frozen blueberries taste OK? I try and count fat grams as well as calories, but have fallen off the wagon a bit with eating salad and oily fish and avocado.

2 years ago I lost 3 stone, last year 2 of that crept back on, of which I have lost 1. So I have 1 stone to go to get to my recent low of 11st 13, then a further 2 stone to go to get to BMI 25. Anything under that feels like a distant dream! My big current goals are to get under BMI 30, and get my waist under the heart/diabetes danger zone measurement!

I found it too daunting to think of 2/3 stone to lose (even though that was the thread title I joined) I just knew I had to lose weight, but more important, stop eating so much crap and drinking so much wine. i like the idea of taking it one week at a time, weighing in on the same day every week and (usually) watching the numbers go down. You've done it before so you know what works. The hardest bit is keeping it off though isn't it?

Frozen berries are a pretty good substitute and much cheaper than fresh. Not as nice no, but not bad. Dh and I are always arguing about the food I want to buy, but the way I see it is, I'm not drinking much anymore or eating crisps, cheese, takeaways, etc so it really is much cheaper in the long run.

yep, it's the carrying on and on and on with the healthy lifestyle stuff that is a pain, even once you've shifted the weight [grin. It's a slow grind tho, I am lucky to lose more than 1lb a week these days.

DH is so laid back he's horizontal over stuff like the food bill (which ist mostly) a good thing, I remember justifying nice grapes by saying it was wine in it's natural form . Have got a bag of tangerines and a bag of apples instead of berries as its a lot cheaper, berries are nicer though, ggah.

Hi folks,

Gosh we've been quiet since Madwoman departed.

Having a mad week here. Ds2 is off sick, meeting with the school at 8.30 am tomorrow to discuss the statement and all the usual crap on top. Am feeling stressed and panicky and frankly just want to run away.

On top of all that Iust saw my dog nearly run over twice after she escaped through next door's fence. Had to leave all three dcs home alone and chase her across the park in a howling gale and sleet storm wearing a tshirt, joggers an crocs. I was drenched and she was completely freaked out. I then started this thread about the legalities of fence repairs, got well and truly told MN stylee and realised what idiots we've been. We should have just refenced cheaply on our side, it would have been better than nothing and much less stressful.

Ah well, you live and learn I suppose.

Hope you are all having better weeks than I am.

not having a great week here either, not as bad as yours tho Moose, have a weird unsettled tummy, think it started as bug and turned to a spate of IBS. either have no appetite or want to stuff myself full of salty stuff, and too tired to exercise. weight stuck at 13 stone 0.

good luck with the meeting tomorrow, I suppose at least it's out of the way early (clutches at positivity straw relentlessly).

Thanks TLP.

Sorry you're not well. Sometimes you just have to give in and let your body recover

Good luck with the meeting moose! Or rather I hope the meeting went well (by the time you read this). Are your dcs still at school? Ds2 broke up on Friday so it's been mental round here. Dh has got a couple of days off tagged onto Easter so that's why I'm able to be on here - can hear the shouting as I type!
Well done for foiling the dog's bid for freedom. Sounds awful.

Sorry things have been tough TLP. Moose is right, we all go through times when the weight loss stops, you can't exercise and you generally feel like crap. One day at a time.

I've weighed myself early again - I seem to like Thursdays, don't know why - and you must have been right moose because I'm 9 stone 12.6. Dh is a bit because he wanted a drinking buddy this weekend but obviously I don't want to mess this up.

Meeting went well! The SENCO agreed with all our changes and even that we needed to get it as quantified and specified as possible. She also agreed with Madwoman to just send them in as minor changes, as its basically just semantics and she thinks they would rather accept the changes than waste time on meetings.

Good news on the dog/fence front as well. Our neighbour got up and fixed it first thing this morning. So now I don't have to worry about her escaping again. I have taken a thank you card round and will ask dh to buy him a few cans or something as well.

Lamb, you are doing so well on the weightloss. I am planning to move into drastic measures after Easter weekend, with a strict kcal diet and trying to get back into exercise. Hoping I'll find it easier once the stress of the statement is off.

Just been to the GPs with ds2. He has a temp of 38.3, chest hurts when he coughs and his voice sounds odd. We are always worried with him, because he's had pneumonia a couple of times (nearly lost it to him when he was 4) and always presents atypically, so there's a red flag on his medical notes to have any potential chest stuff checked out straight away. Fortunately the GP thinks its viral this time, so just some tlc, rest and calprofen. Got to go back if its not better in a couple of days or gets any worse. To be honest, my gut instinct is that he doesn't appear ill enough, iyswim, so I was relieved when the doc agreed with me. He's upstairs in bed watching his beloved Star Wars the Clone Wars dvds - again.

Apparently the West Midlands is out of kilter with the whole of the rest of the country with this holiday. They break up today and go back on the 23rd.