When shall we three meet again? The not quite NT, not quite weightloss thread ......

[moosemama]

We were full up ladies, so we finally have our very own weightloss-ish thread!

Oh Lamb, its horrible hearing from other people about what's being going on with/for your ds when you aren't there. All this SEN stuff highlights the darkest/bleakest stuff and never mentions any of the good bits. It's hard on a Mum's heart to hear it.

Ds1 has gone to Selly Manor - don't have a clue where it is, other than somewhere in Warwickshire. I did look at the website and it looks like the schoolkids that go there have lots of fun. The school goes every year and its one of the most popular trips.

Yep, another blooming costume. Bought a sort of goth-ish cream drawstring-neck blouse off ebay, along with a tudor style hat and waistcoat. We belted his tunic/blouse in and hung a little calico pouch with his £2 for the museum shop in it and then just tucked his trousers into football socks in lieu of bloomers and tights. He looked really good actually, better than I'd expected and one of his friend's Mum had put something together that was almost identical, so that pleased him. Some of the girls were really ott - one even had a full on tapestry Queen Elizabeth I dress, complete with neck ruff and collar and huge underskirt thing - poor girl is going to cook in this weather.

Well, I suppose it will underline for her exactly how uncomfortable it would have been to be a woman of the period! Ds's costume sounds lovely, moose.

Lamb - did the nurture group teacher come up with an equally long list of how she was going to support Ds through this and some possible coping strategies for him? I really hate when they present you with a list of problems but haven't quite got round to thinking about solutions yet... Their job. We all know what the problems are. Reinforcing them isn't going to help. What's she going to doooooooo about them?

You don't have to be overwhelmed about the statement. Just make a list of the quantified provision that needs to be in there (cross referred to other therapists/ profs reports if you have them) and then go through it methodically like you are planning to. Nearly there! Coffee and sustenance today x

Ds had the mother of all meltdowns yesterday about half an hour after he got back from the psych... I had asked him in the car what they talked about and he said anger management and breathing. I'm a bit baffled to be honest. He had a lot of anger stuff with the school counsellor well over a year ago, and we haven't had a full on meltdown since. This psych is supposed to be fishing around to find the root of his continence anxieties and phobias... I'm not impressed if she's gone off on an anger tangent and triggered reversion to where we were before. It was exactly the same behaviour. Right down to the subsequent turning round, folding arms, refusing to make eye contact (after screaming the place down, natch). The trigger? Dd2 turned the music off on her iPod the wrong way. < ie not the way he would have done it> < sigh >

Two hours he went for. Weirdly though, when I finally managed to get him upstairs to calm down on his own, instead of destroying the living room, he was back in ten minutes in a pretty okay mood...

I'm not sure that unnecessary anger management sessions are supposed to trigger meltdowns are they???

I had Chinese last night after the drama, and feel rough as chuff now. That'll teach me.

Oh dear that poor girl! Some parents get a bit carried away, though I suppose it's harder to dress girls appropriate to era AND weather - they weren't too bothered about women's comfort in the Tudor period generally were they, so all in all she'll be getting the full Tudor experience . Hope your ds has a lovely time .

It is hard hearing about their times away from us. You just feel so helpless don't you? When they talk about him going full-time at the same time as telling me about what has gone on in just 3 hours, it makes me wonder whether it will ever be possible. And what about the longer future? I know, I know, just don't go there!

This thread has changed my life (if that isn't too dramatic a statement to just chuck out there!). It has given me a focus. I've lost weight and gained fitness yes, but much more than that sharing the daily crap that got me fat in the first place is helping to ensure not only that I won't be fat and unhealthy again, but has helped me to look at myself and how I deal with stress. I'm very insular and never share how I'm feeling in rl so the food and alcohol became a sort of protective wall.

Basically, I would like to give you these moose and madwoman

Feel better now!

I felt better for the exercise Lambskin, it often works that way. Not quite sure whether it's being 3 stone overweight that causes the aches and pains or the beginnings of a touch of osteoarthritis but I feel better for getting moving iyswim. When I saw the GP last year she was quite dismissive, just muttered something about back spasms, yoga and ibuprofen gel .

sorry for wittering on about me.

Lambskin, agree with Madwoman, sounds relentlessly grim to be shown a list of shortcomings, particularly if she's just wailing about the behaviour rather than has any plan to resolve thme (or at least get behaviour support/ep advice about resolving them). Does the nurture unit end this year? would he be building up to full time m/s at beginning of y3?

God I'm not even pre-menstrual! I was just thinking how much better equipped I am this year to deal with ds2 than last year and I know that this thread has been the reason for that.

madwoman, sorry ab out the anger management ype session. Hope that net time the psych woman takes a more sensible approach.

One of the upsides to DS going to a school the "naice" parents round here turn their noses up, is they have v low expectations re:fancy dress costumes, so wouldnt expect anyone go buy anything especially for outings etc iyswim.

X post! Yes the nurture unit ends this year and the plan is to be fully integrated for Y3.

They are very good there, and he is very very hard. I like to know what's been going on, and unlike the last school they're not accusing when they tell me, simply informing. He's only been there since January really so they're learning on their feet

Glad you're feeling better. Don't want to leave you out of my emotional tsunami can I offer you a ?

Aw lamb. you have done soooo well, and it's down to your own hard work. It's great to have a place to combine the frustrations and trying to do something about it for us and them though.

I seem to be doing well at venting, and not quite so well on the actual weight loss, although I am getting lots more exercise, which has to be a bonus!

TLP, I'm in exactly the same position, physically. Well, just over 2 stone overweight, but with threats of rheumatoid arthritis. I'm back to the physio again today for my arm, which they have dx as tennis elbow (RSI from typing in my book), but there's still a small part of me that listens to my shoulders and wonders how long it will be... The weight has to be a major contributing factor.

Do you think I should ring the psych this morning and find out if anything untoward happened at the session (and maybe ask why she was doing anger stuff??).

Lambskin - just re-read your post re:food and alcohol as coping mechanisms. yyyyy to the food as coping mechanism. exercise helps a bit re:mood and to reduce appetite, but there's no magic bullets (sigh)

Mad - yes, I think it's worth gently flagging up he was unusually distressed after the session, see how she responds.

sigh indeed re aches/pains/muscles/exercise and the slow and sensible approach to weight loss. but yay to virtual cups of and supportive chat particularly about SN stuff.

Madwoman, I've just read your post (how did I miss that? Obsessing about me me me probably). Definitely a bit odd that a session on anger management should cause a meltdown, she's not one of those break them to make them types is she? I'd want to ask her what her approach is, are you encouraged to have an input or is it frowned upon?

Re Chinese food. I do this A LOT and never learn. It is an addiction: the high is amazing, the come-down godawful. I have cut out red meat which helps and try to go to posh places now to limit the MSG but OMG.

Yy, she seems to be doing two sessions with him, then one with us. The parent appointment isn't for three weeks though ( was supposed to be next week but we are away). I know she wants to keep seeing him though. I think I'll just give her a call and check it was all ok.

I have read, but can't keep up - head still really bad.

Madwoman, sorry to hear about the meltdown. I'm wondering if she was actually doing some teasing out of the root/s of the phobias and continence issues and touched a nerve. If he didn't feel confident enough with her to let his reaction out, he would then bring it home with him and let it out as soon as he felt safe.

My mum is a clinical psych and I've had a bit of therapy myself in the past. I know from my own experience that it can make you react in very strange ways if/when they start to peel back the layers and get to the crux of the matter. I think to be effective it's always going to be a painful process to varying degrees, as you have to face your fears to conquer them.

Two hours is a long time for someone as young as ds though. My session used to be an hour and I remember coming home totally exhausted and rung out and needing a good few days to process it all and recover.

My own therapist was a very clever lady, often I never even realised she was getting stuff out of me until I'd done a fair bit of after session processing. Things would then start slotting together as time went on and through that I started to gain a better understanding of why I'd ended up in therapy in the first place. She never once confronted the issues I had head on, instead we chatted - either led by me and whatever I wanted to discuss or if I couldn't think of anything to talk about she'd start off by telling me something interesting that she'd seen/read/heard or had happened in her own life. Its pretty much thanks to her that I know have such a good relationship with my Mum, but it was a very bumpy ride while I was going through the therapy.

An alternative suggestion would be that by doing some anger management breathing type exercises they would have discussed how he feels, physically etc when he's angry or having a meltdown - which could have put him straight in touch with those feelings, but with no direction for them, iyswim. She might need him to do this so that he can learn to manage the physical symptoms of anger and learn how to control his meltdowns.

It does seem odd if she said she was going to deal with phobias and continence first - unless, she thinks the anger is directly linked to it somehow.

I do think it would be appropriate for you to speak to her, even if she won't/can't talk to you about the actual therapy sessions, she should be able to discuss what effect she expects the sessions might have on him and what you can do to support the process.

Hope some of that makes sense - my poor head - what with all this peri-menopausal cycle change and 'ormones, I feel like I'm permanently on TOM or pre-menstrual at the moment. A bit of a shock after a lifetime of 36 day cycles.

Lamb, I also love this thread. Its really helped me to understand and accept the link between my weight and food issues and all the stress that the SN stuff brings with it.

Without this thread I don't think I'd have lost the weight I have and would almost definitely have regained most or all of any I had lost.

Coming here and knowing there's folks who understand why I fall off the wagon a lot every now and again and why sometimes I just can't do it, really helps and has been the difference between me regaining and maintaining.

So all round.

Hmmm, well, played phone tag with the psych, but in the end she left a message. Nothing untoward yesterday, and of anything she would have expected him to be much calmer than normal.

Hmm that's very odd, but hopefully the feedback will be useful for her and she'll be able to come up with a plan for his next session.

Glad he's been better today.

I still have a house of snot - but the boys still want to go to school, so its not too bad. Haven't actually developed the cold myself, just this god awful bad head that will not go away. Nothing is working on it, not even cocodamol.

No choice but to get properly stuck into the statement stuff today either, as its the LS review in the morning tomorrow.

The other challenge for today is costing the boys' birthday presents. I went through and put them all in the Tesco Direct and Amazon shopping baskets yesterday to see how much it all added up to and it came to £180 for the pair of them! Er ... I think not, not at all - but definitely not on top of Legoland. Need to go through and work out what all the Grannies, Grandads and Great Aunts can get them, but have told them both this morning that they won't be getting everything on their lists.

They both want a couple of surprises as well, ds1 is easy - Lego Star Wars Visual Dictionary, Guinness Records Gamers Edition and the latest series of Beast Quest. Don't have a clue for ds2 though. I think I've found him a series of books that might encourage his reading. He's always been overshadowed by ds1 with his reading - but has been doing really well recently and is so proud of himself. He's moved up several reading levels in a couple of months and finally started to read paperbacks at home for fun, so I'd like to encourage that. Definitely need another surprise for him though.

Mad - maybe he just hates the traditional relaxation stuff - the imagine you are on a warm beach type stuff?

Moose - sorry about the poorly head. with the statement stuff, agree with whoever it was on other thread to focus on making sure the concrete provision - 1-1 hours, therapies is included.

Thanks TLP.

Been attempting to reword it today, but realistically the whole darn thing needs rewriting.

We have such beautifully specified provision as:

Ds1 will require access to ICT such as a laptop or computer ......

Ds1 will require support with developing imaginative writing skils, ensuring that he takes into account of the audience, using correct punctuation, editing and improving work that he has produced. (That's it - no suggestion of what for this 'support' will take.)

Teachers should be aware that he will require extra support with ............. elements of the curriculum. (Again no suggestion as to type of support.)

Ds1 requires support with self organisation so that it is clear what is expected of him and ensure that difficulties in this area do not impact on his access to teaching. For example, through not having the right equipment or not having handed in work. (Yet again, no suggestion how they will support him.)

It would be practical for his mentor to support with this during regular daily meetings as well as addressing emotional needs. (There had been no mention of a mentor prior to this point on the statement and they are effectively trying to cover two completely different areas of issue/support into one extremely vague point here.)

In order for ds1 to be ready to learn, his emotional difficulties need to be carefully managed and addressed. He requires access to a trusted mentor figure on a regular basis in order to explore any worries, social diiculties or misunderstandings that he has encounters. He benefits from having time to process his thoughts, talk them through, workt them out and feel listened to. Access to the mentor should be ofered on a regular and consistent basis. (Er ... how often, how much, when - not to mention who?)

In addition to providing support in reacting to and managing difficulties that arise, ds1 will also require ongoing support to develop his emotional understanding, self-regulation and social understanding. This support should be provided by an adult with knowledge and understanding of ASD. He will need regular sessions that focus on supporting him in developing skills in identifying his feelings, managing negative feelings ........ etc. (again, how often, how much?)

.... and that's just a small part of it. Every single point is along similar lines - not one 'will be provided with' 'will receive' or 'x number of hours' 'x sessions per week/month of x amount of time' or in fact anything that might even resemble an attempt to specify or quantify.

I've been working through some sample statements and stuff from Treehouse, SOSSEN, IPSEA and ACE-ED and the other thing that really stands out is that the other statements all either state the objectives under section 3 then address each objective in turn or state the needs under specific titles in section 2 and then respond under the same titles in section 3. Ours has totally different section titles for 2 and 3 and there has been absolutely no attempt to match provision to specific needs or objectives, which makes the document incredibly hard to read, follow and make sense of.

Its is definitely ds1 specific in as much as much of the text has been lifted directly from my initial SA request - so at least its not just a rehash of a standard statement proforma or mis-mash of other statements for children with similar needs, but its like its been written by someone who has zero knowledge of SEN or the law relating to it.

I'm tempted to just write a statement the way I would like it to be and ask for a meeting to discuss which is better. Its got to be quicker than trying to make a silk purse out of this particular sow's ear.

lordy, that is beyond vague. and some of it (taking into account audience with written work, access to IT) could and should apply to all children via National curriculum anyway. Did you suggest a mentor, out of interest, or has this been plucked out of thin air?

I did suggest a mentor-ish type support role, in terms of someone to meet and greet in the morning, sort out letters and homework to be handed in, discuss any changes to the timetable/structure of the day and pre-handle any anxieties or worries about the day that might be affecting ds. The same person would then complete his feelings diary with him after morning play and lunch and finally meet with him at the end of the day to help him pack his bag, make sure he has all his homework and a written instruction of what he needs to do, as well as any letters home etc and finally help him fill in the last feelings diary entry of the day.

The same person would be responsible for picking up any potential problems via the feelings diary and their regular contact with ds and would therefore have a role in helping to manage his anxiety and deal with any issues like bullying etc (he/she would work closely with his ASD Teacher to do this).

That's what I would like him to have anyway.

I didn't actually say mentor . I'd envisage it being a TA role really and based the role on some information Ellen-Jane sent me about what her typical day is like supporting a boy who is very similar to ds (although her charge also has 1:1 in some lessons, which I doubt ds will get, even though its hinted at in the statement).

In addition to this he should continue to have his weekly session with the Autism Inclusion Teacher, who is the person who does all the social stories, comic strip conversations etc and helps him develop strategies for dealing with any situations that come up.

The statement does actually include all this stuff - but in such a wishy washy way as to make it worthless and unenforceable.

I have been sitting here pretty much all day working on it, with more and more steam coming out of my ears.

I'm now going through the pdf adding yellow stickies everywhere I want a change - which is approximately every other line.

Just make all your amendments.

Cover letter to explain why each and every amendment is necessary. And referring to the appeal to the county and quoting the bit about them having to specify and quantify (that bit you quoted earlier), and letting them know that the rewritten statement now adheres to local and national guidelines, with your amendments.

No meeting to discuss.

There is no discussion.

Then call your dude at the LA - email the amended statement back to him, with the cover letter. Tell him if he has any questions to call you.

If your specified provision includes 15 hours of TA time, write it in. For the mentor type stuff, write in time blocks how much per day, etc etc. for social skills and small group work, specify in hours per week.

For the laptop, specify personal IT to be available throughout the school day, every day, (specify laptop or netbook to be provided by school).

It's not dissimilar to dd2's tbh. We agreed on 15 hours 1-1 TA time because there was another girl with 15 hours, so the TAs provided 30 hours of 2-1 coverage.

Write down exactly what you want... / he needs...

Should ave said not dissimilar to her draft. We tightened it up, Nd added in stuff that they had missed out completely, like the TA needed to be trained in how to deal with choking incidents, as did any member of staff supervising snack or lunch...

fab post by madwoman, do what she says. and good idea to avoid meeting, anything of substance can (and should) be achieved in writing anyway.