When shall we three meet again? The not quite NT, not quite weightloss thread ......

[moosemama]

We were full up ladies, so we finally have our very own weightloss-ish thread!

Morning

Lol at microwaveable slippers! I could do with some of those, I always seem to have cold feet these days - old age catching up with me I guess.

Well, we went to the LEA's SEN secondary transition information evening last night. What a waste of everybody's time. They split us into two groups, SA+ and Statemented and we had two talks. Dh and I had to split up and attend one each, as obviously we don't know yet whether or not he will get a statement. They then proceeded to tell the SA+ group that they have no additional support and no different system for secondary applications than those not on the SEN register, they aren't entitled to transport and basically they needn't have bothered going to the information evening - despite having been told that they should and it was important.

Statementing wasn't much better, they 'cannot' advise on which schools are best for which disabilities or even suggest which school it would be an idea to visit and consider. To find out if we can even apply for transport we have to go on a website and that was about it for information.

I did approach parent partnership to ask if they are able to help with tribunals if ds doesn't get a statement, only to be told that they can't help much because its too time consuming and paper heavy. Also they don't advise lodging an appeal straight away, but to wait until after mediation because that way the appeal doesn't register badly on the LEA's figures! That explains why the figures for numbers of people appealing against being turned down in our LEA appeared low on the stats. Apparently if you appeal, then withdraw when a settlement is reached, it still goes on their figures, but if you go to mediation then its not counted as appealing against a negative decision. Basically its a way of them massaging the figures to make it look like they don't turn down too many statements as a matter of course.

She did say we could fill in the paperwork, take it with us to mediation and tell the LA that if we didn't come out of there with an agreement to statement, we would be posting it on the way home. Which I suppose might work. She also said that low funding unit statements (like ds1's would be) are cheaper to fund than going to tribunal, so you actual have a stronger hand in that case, because they'd rather pay out the 2,450 for a single unit than the £££s it would cost them to go to tribunal.

I also found out that there are only two statementing officers for the whole borough - both being part-time, two days a week - so not even a full time post. In fact parent partnership outnumber them already and they are recruiting another full time member of staff!

I suppose some of that information was useful - but I could have got it from a quick phonecall to them if/when we are turned down.

Back on track with my eating this week and hoping to try a small workout later today, still very tired, but much better than last week.

Moose, it is so dispiriting. I've got a meeting with the SENCo on Thursday about statementing for ds and part of me feels like giving up before I've even started, based on the way things have been thus far. All you can do is keep plugging away and be stubborn. I'm planning on being a massive pita .

I did a Davina workout today. I find them comforting. BFBM is great but a bit full on if I'm not in the right mood. I really like the kick boxing ones but some others ....

Wearing the slippers and loving them!!

Well, my Mum rang and said she wanted to take me and dd out. We haven't got out much since she had her operation at the start of the year, so I said yes. We went for a mooch about in John Lewis then had lunch in the cafe. Ended up eating a mahoosive Morroccan Salad then a slice of carrot cake. No so good for someone who stated at 10.00 am this morning that she was back on track with her eating.

Feeling exhausted and shaky now as well, so won't be working out this afternoon.

Oh well, tomorrow's a new day and all that.

Good luck for your meeting on Thursday. I hear you about feeling like giving up before you start, but we can't and we won't because fundamentally we have no choice.

I'm going to speak to ds1's teacher after school today about why they pulled all his additional support the week all the SA reports went into the LEA. If we get turned down, I will go straight to the LEA and tell them that the school trumped up support in an attempt to undermine my statementing application. Given what the parent partnership woman said last night, hopefully that will be enough to get them to reconsider and issue a statement without going to tribunal, should we be turned down.

Good on you moose, that's exactly the fighting spirit required. Unbelievable that it is needed though. I caught a segment of R4 at lunch time when I went to pick up ds, and it was about exclusion. A mother had phoned in to make the point that children with SEN and boys from Afro-Caribbean backgrounds are disproportionately excluded from school. No surprise there for parents of either or both groups, but shocking that despite anti-discrimination laws schools are still so - what is it? Lazy? Narrow minded? Ignorant? It's individuals that make up a school and a society, and you get out what you put in in terms of both.

Food-wise, your lunch with your mum sounds delicious and much needed. It was a treat for you both, food should be nourishing for the soul as well as the body and you deserve a treat. It's how mums show love anyway . Just balance it out with a lighter evening meal.

Ds2 had an awful morning but I won't dwell on it, just more of the same old story. Refusing to do work, destroying said work so that he can't do it, hitting anyone who disagrees with him or tries to get him to do anything he doesn't want to. Had to take him to The Range on the way home to buy some cards and he was being such a pain the woman at the checkout told him off .

Actually feel like I won't want to eat again today. I'm stuffed!

Sorry to hear your ds is having a bad day. Hope things improve this afternoon.

Spoke to ds1's teacher. She told me they stopped the SEAL group to give him a break because he was doing so well. Right yeah! He is apparently still having handwriting once a week, but isn't attending the maths group because they're now covering stuff he can do easily already. I'm not really buying it, but am not going to kick up a stink just yet - not until I know where we are re statementing. Roll on next Monday.

We haven't had an IEP review this term either - I'm thinking they're holding fire for the statementing deadline for that as well.

So frustrating.

I've been reading a lot about exclusions this week. Apparently some big bod and several HTs admitted illegally excluding children with SENs. They've blatantly admitted it, yet still nothing will change.

I've just bought a size 10 dress . I've been umming and ahhing about this for a while now. My measurements come up as 10 on loads of clothing store websites now but I think I'm still in denial if that makes any sense. I still can't believe that it's possible. I always was a 10 before dh and ds2 crashed (wonderfully) into my life on a wave of wine and take-aways but that feels like someone else now. Well it's time I got back to thinking thin I think. I saw today that to maintain my current weight I have to consume around 2,300 calories which seems loads after mfp. I'll carry on with my 'relax at the weekend, be careful during the week' thing as it seems to be working and feels healthy.

Sorry, that was very shallow and self indulgent

Size 10! Fantastic, well done! You have to start believing in yourself y'know, you have worked really hard for this and deserve your gorgeous new figure.

... and not at all shallow and self-indulgent - we all need to hear from people who have got to where we want to be. Its motivating, plus we want to celebrate your success with you.

Re sizing in sdifferent shops. Try this website Lamb. It works out what size you are in a tonne of high street and online shops based on your basic measurements.

I had the same trouble believing I was a 12 and to be honest I still feel my thighs are a too chunky for a 12 in a lot of shops, which of course the standard measurements don't take into account.

I'm now terrified to click on that link, moose, as I'm not sure I want to know what uk size I am. I'm anywhere between a medium and an xl here, which doesn't help. And I wear either size 10 or 12 trousers. Which makes it either a 12 or 14 in the uk in my head (but this is in 'fat wimmin' stores, I'm pretty certain I'm a 16 in reality.)

Anyway, just got back from boot camp, and lovely ups have delivered my amazon order, so I'm going to run a bath and have a look! Yay!

Dd2's draft statement was woolly and a bit pants. I rewrote it, and e-mailed it to the officer, and then called him to talk through it. He agreed to everything. All of my changes. Just added them in and sent it back as the final statement. I couldn't quite believe it. So sometimes I think they are happy for you to just do the work for them, don't lose heart. It could all be easy peasy. Grr at school, though, moose. Hopefully the statement will kick start everything again.

Is Ds tired, lamb? Nearly the Easter hols? Hope he settled down once he was at home. Sometimes just getting into your own space and relaxing can help.

Right, off for a soak. X

Its the same here though. I can be a 10 in some shops - unbelievable as that might be and yet a 14 is still snug in others. Its so frustrating. That's what prompted the woman who put together the site on my link to set up a universal size calculator thing to help people work out what they might be in each shop. I read an article by a standard size 12 uk model who put it to the test though and she said, as its based on the shops own published size guides, some of them are still way out. I suppose its trial and error really, but I loathe clothes shopping and detest changing rooms, so I'll carry on wearing my old clothes and looking like a bag woman for now instead.

We have been warned that our LEA deliberately produces crappy non-specified, unquantified statements. IPSEA reported them to whoever the bods were in Government at the time that were supposed to regulate that sort of thing. They then instructed our LEA to investigate themselves and of course they found no case to answer. So, basically they can do what they like and there's no-one to stop them. IPSEA are still asking for people to come forward with examples of poorly quantified/specified statements from our LEA, as despite being told the government won't do anything about the situation, they are still gathering evidence.

Well, I decided to cook everyone's favourite cheesy vegetable pie for tea (the one that dh managed to drop on the floor last time before he and I had eaten any ). I honestly think that dish must be fated though. Dd is coming down with something, so while I was sweating the leeks, onion and mushrooms I decided to try and take her temperature. Well let's just say she was a tad non-compliant and all of a sudden I realised I could smell burning.

So .... after redoing the first stage of the pie and finally getting it in the oven, I realised I had a stack of defrosted gf pastry left over. So, thinks I, I know, I'll make some jam tarts with it, that'll please the dcs. Unfortunately, my grip not being all that good at the moment, two seconds after getting out a jar of jam and a jar of lemon curd, I dropped the lot on the floor - which is quarry tiled. I cannot believe how far the shards of glass went, especially considering they were both full jars, so you'd think the glass would have stuck to the jam.

So that's it - I am never making that pie ever again no matter how much they love it. Actually, dd told me it was disgusting and refused to eat it anyway - but she's three so her opinion does count, especially as she told me it was her favourite favourite last time I made it. Harrumph!

at the fateful pie, and at the lea. You never know though. I was expecting far more of a battle than I ended up with.

You could be right madwoman and I was pleasantly suprised that the agreed to assess on our first application - so I will try to stay positive and keep everything crossed.

Three is such a lovely age don'tcha think? I never had half this amount trouble with either of my boys. Dd is determined to make up for it though .... in every possible way!

Thanks for that link moose, though I have to say I'm non the wiser! I go from an 8(!) to a 12 which is just ridiculous. I may have to print it off before I next go shopping

I did the whole of BFBM yesterday! I did have to keep stopping for a wheeze and a sit down but I got through it nonetheless

Hope everyone's ok, I have weighed myself rather cheekily today (9.13.2) so I'm in a good mood despite the looming SENCo meeting and parents' evening

9st 13! Lamb you are putting me to shame. Well done!

Well done for getting through BFBM as well.

When's your meeting and Parents' Evening?

I am struggling to get back into things. Dd has a stinking cold, so I've had no sleep for a few nights now and feel really bleugh as a result. Have once again given into ds2's lunch box snacks, through sheer exhaustion I think.

I 'm still stressy and anxious about the statement deadline and on top of that there's been some stuff with ds1 at school. He had a falling out with another boy in his class, after they bumped into each other and fell over during a playground game. Ds1 was injured, so went to find a teacher and then got accused of telling tales, but with a little help from his best friend they managed to make friends and clear up the misunderstanding. Unfortunately, the other boys on the other lad's team were already gunning for ds by then and starting rumour mongering and bitching - saying things like 'he is well weird' and 'he's got mental problems'.

Coudn't get to see his teacher yesterday morning, so wrote a note in his feelings diary on the parent contact page, explaining that this kind of disablist language and attitude is not acceptable and needs nipping in the bud and that ds1 was very upset about it all.

Went to pick him up and another parent - fortunately the only one I like and have a good opinion of, came to ask what was going on, because her ds (who was on the other team) had approached her the evening before wanted to know what ds's problem was, as he is obviously not right. She had questioned him about why he was asking but he just said 'never mind' and walked off. Now this particular parent knows about ds1's dx and I have been helping her navigate the SEN system for her youngest dd, but she has never mentioned ds1 to her ds or spoken about him in front of him.

Went up to fetch ds1 and his teacher pointedly told me she'd shown my note to the Head - but didn't say it in such a way that was a good thing, iyswim. I said that there were some national campaigns about raising awareness about the use of disablist language and reducing disablist intimidation and hate and felt it was something I could not allow to pass without comment, as its something I feel very strongly about. She said that kids use the word mental all the time and that the way it was reported to her was that it wasn't directed at anyone in particular. I explained that it very much was directed at/about ds1 and they hadn't said it in a 'you're mental' jokey kind of a way - which would still be unacceptable - but had referred to him as obviously having 'mental problems' which is not the same thing and puts a different slant on the situation. It implies a level of awareness and association between SNs and ds that hasn't previously come from his peer group. I also pointed out that the phrase 'has mental problems' is very adult and is therefore likely to have come directly from a parent in the first instance and then been repeated by the child.

I then told her about the other parent approaching me in the playground and basically she implied that she didn't believe me and said that if the other parent has concerns they should approach either the Head or herself personally and then they might consider doing something about it. The problem with this is that the other parent is very shy and lacking in confidence and I know they've noted me speaking to her in the playground regularly at around the same time as she started pushing to get support for her dd (which btw they are shamelessly refusing despite obvious need ). So, it's unlike she would go and speak to them anyway and if she did, they would probably assume I've told her what to say.

The teacher just kept restating that that wasn't what had been reported to her, so I stood my ground and kept restating that it was what had been reported to me, by my own child and another parent in the playground. So basically we reached a bit of an impasse. (Ds has had the bitching reported to him word for word by two different children as well, so there's plenty of people to back up his story.) She wouldn't/didn't agree to do anything other than address appropriate words/language via the PHSE lessons and it seems they are hoping to gloss over the fact that ds's disability is now something some of his peers are not only aware of, but are likely to use as a weapon. I came away furious and haven't calmed down even now.

Not sure where to go from here. Some of the boys involved were the ones who bullied him for years and this has the potential to blow up if its not stopped before it starts. I know the Head will refuse to see me and his teacher (who is also an Assistant Head) isn't going to address the issue. Thought about emailing his ASD Teacher and asking her advice, as she was the first person to read my note yesterday morning and was also the one that gave it to his teacher to read - but she won't have the full story.

Sorry, this has turned into a proper garbled rant. I have been dreading the day the other kids start becoming aware enough of his disability to start using it against him and now its here I feel impotent to do anything about it and can see it snowballing quickly without anyone doing a thing to stop it.

No, you're right moose, this needs to be nipped in the bud and dealt with immediately. The school, or at least the class teacher, could use this for positive education about ASD. It does sound as though they have been wrongly and partially informed by someone and this has to be addressed before ignorance snowballs into a sort of deformed truth about people with ASD or SNs generally. I'd be angry too. In fact I am angry for you.
In other but related news, I had the meeting with the SENCo and I came away just gobsmacked at the difference between this school and the last. She is so proactive and all guns blazing on behalf of ds, I was quite stunned. She was horrified at the lack of paperwork for him from the last place but has managed, and is managing to gather enough to make it a watertight application for a statement. She's arranged for another Specialist Teacher observation and 3 more visits from the EP plus a load of other stuff. I couldn't have asked for more.

In such strong contrast to my experiences at the last school and your experiences recently. Why can't this attitude be across the board? What benefit is there to be so obstructive and negative?

Thanks Lamb, sometimes I find it hard to know whether its just me - y'know.

So glad the meeting with the SENCO went well. I was a bit the same when our new SENCO was taken on, because the last one was at best lazy and at worst negligent - this one is so sharp and really pro the children she supporting. Its an odd feeling when someone finally not only gets it, but also cares and wants to do their best for your child isn't it.

Great news that she thinks they'll have enough for a really sound SA request, not to mention all the extra stuff and of course the more they do before SA the more likely he is to get the statement, as it will prove they've thought of/tried everything but he needs more.

As for why they are so obstructive and negative - half of it is down to a lack of caring and effort by the people involved and the rest is usually down to funding - or the lack of it. Everyone is so busy trying to protect their damn budgets that they forget there is a struggling child in the middle of all this.

Oh, moose, that all sounds spectacularly rough. How's Ds today? V brave of you to do the right thing and go in. I did it once before when dd2 was dd2 was being called 'dribble'. She was coming home in tears every day. I went in and the staff were pretty good about it, but we later found out that the boy who was doing it was actually saying something else (he had delayed speech) and actually he was saying

Just been to collect ds2 and check ds1 has his inhaler for cricket club. Ds1's teacher came down to ds2's end of the playground to find me - never a good thing.

Apparently on top of everything else they switched his morning around today, made him play rounders in a team without either his best friend or one of his 'ish' friends and then this afternoon he found out that his trainee teacher is leaving.

She said "rude isn't the right word, but his reaction to the rounders was non-compliance/refusal and what you could describe as very rude". Well yes, it would be wouldn't it - he has Asperger's ffs! Apparently he did join-in in the end and was ok-ish once he was involved. Then this afternoon his teacher went back into the class when he was doing his feelings diary with the trainee and found him with tears streaming down his face, really upset because she's leaving - she's leaving today and they didn't think to forewarn him. He was really upset, bless him, but said he didn't want to let the other cricket club members down so would go anyway.

I was just on my way to check he had his inhaler when she caught up with me and right at the end of our conversation she said - oh yes, he said "Mummy will probably come and check on me before cricket, so that will make me feel better" - but of course it was too late by then. I legged it round the corner, but he was sitting squatted in the line with his back to us looking really dejected.

So, its anyone's guess what state he'll be in by the time I pick him up.

Why can they not add up what happened yesterday with what he's been through today and see its all connected? She said she understood that changing his morning around with no warning would be a problem because of coping with change, but still didn't seem to understand that he couldn't help coming across as rude. I did tell her that his default setting when panic sets in abrupt and it will come across as rude, but that he really can't help and doesn't mean it. Apparently she told him she was pleased that he joined in eventually, but wasn't happy with his rude behaviour beforehand. She's also completely failed to factor in him being upset at the rumours and comments that were made about him yesterday.

Madwoman, you are having a crazy time of it at the moment. How on earth are you going to get all that lot scanned in and emailed?

Oh golly. Can you just plan for everything to be zero stress tonight? Take his Ds with you to pick him up and plug him in straight away?

Imagine, a kid with aspergers coming across rude!

At least she remembered to tell you what he said about cricket, even though it was too late, and only in time to give you a huge guilt complex...

The teacher leaving thing is stunning. When will they learn?! Might be worth mentioning to the outreach team?

Poor chap.

Hopefully you've nothing out of the ordinary tonight and can try and even him out again. Fat chance after the day he's had. Dd2 takes weeks to get over staff leaving. She just randomly bursts into tears at in opportune moments.

I'm going to ignore the scanning today I think. And tomorrow is the meeting with the physio and ot in school (she had better not be sick again!) and then science fair at the other school. And then physio in the afternoon, so she'll have to wait until next week when there's nothing else on...

Keep focused on that holiday madwoman, nearly there! And congratulations Mr madwoman!

So sorry moose, hope ds is ok when you go and get him , stupid, stupid people. There's an awful lot of just not thinking isn't there? I always had that with ds2 'he's been very rude and oppositional', me:'well yes he would'

Parents' evening in a bit. I already know from the SENCo that there's a massive discrepancy between his reading age (10) and his comprehension (6) but that should help with the SA.

Well, he's home. Arrived early to watch his match only to find him spinning and flapping at the outer edge of the field. He completely failed to notice the ball coming in his direction twice in as many minutes.

At the end he just started wandering aimlessly across the field, so I had to go and fetch him and wrap him up in a big hug, where he promptly burst into tears.

I did manage to raise a little smile by approaching his best friend's mum to ask if he can come for the afternoon on ds's brithday and I had forgotten that the Lego Club magazine arrived this morning, so that also buoyed him a little. Have given him some of his favourite mint humbugs in lieu of his after cricket snack as well.

Apparently the teacher is leaving tomorrow not this afternoon, so we have more upset to come. He says he's dreading tomorrow and I'd suggest he stays home, but I already know he'll say he wants to go in.

Lamb, 'oppositional' and 'defiant' were what we had constantly from his teacher last year. The thing is - what the hell do they want you say when they tell you how your child has behaved. You explain to them why they reacted that way and that its normal for a child with AS to respond in that manner and they look at you like you should do something about it.

I aways feel like they are waiting for me to come up with some incredible solution that I just don't have, so the conversation always kind of tails off rather than having a proper end/outcome.

In the end last year I found myself telling her that ds1 didn't come with an instruction manual and as he had only been dxd in January of that school year I didn't really have all the answers - yet!

Good luck with parents' evening - hopefully it will go really well, as it sounds like this school is on the ball.

Madwoman, you are going to be so ready for that holiday after this week. My life seems stagnant by comparison - I hardly leave the house except for school runs.

Moose - your poor lad, sorry he has had such a tough week, imagine you are looking forward to school hols now. Had a bit of "moment" earlier this year, when one of the older lads who was going to the social skills group was surprised that DS wasn't . To be fair I was also surprised! Otherwise this year seems to be going quite well. It's difficult tho, that people don't, or don't want to see, that our kids apparent rudeness is because they are out of their depth - either with language or sensory issues.

Thanks TLP.

I've finally got him into bed, but have been up and down umpteen times already and he's lying there quietly sobbing his little heart out insisting that he won't sleep at all tonight and going on past performance, he's probably right. We've talked and talked, but I just don't know what else to say to help him.

Typically dh is out tonight. He never goes out with his mates, but has gone to see a folk singer with a friend he hasn't been able to see in a long time. He wasn't home for lunch either, so I've been on my own all day.

I'm not coping well with all this on top of PMT. I have been binge eating - 2 rocky bars, 1 penguin about 10 chocolate fingers, a packet of white chocolate snowies (choc buttons with hundreds and thousands) and a huge plate of oven chips.

It seems when the pressures on I haven't really managed to overcome old coping strategies and forge new healthier ones.

Tomorrow is another day - you can't be a saint 24/7.

Can you suggest he goes and lies in bed with you, or will that freak him out even more? (might keep you away from the choccies, too ) or just let him read his magazine again? Sometimes if sleep isn't going to happen it makes it worse to try and force it. Distraction might give him a bit of respite from the agony?

And those snowy things are revolting, lady. You must be desperate.

Is dh around in the morning to give you a hand with the fall out?

Lol, yes madwoman, I was desperate. We only have them in because I bought a few bags when dd was potty training (she loves them) and we still have a couple of bags left. I didn't actually finish the packet, they were the thing that put a stop to the bingeing. I feel sooooo sick now and my stomach feels all stretched and sore. Bleugh!

I daren't go back upstairs now, as it all seem quiet (I can hear them all through dd's baby monitor) and I'd hate to wake him if he's actually gone off. He's certainly exhausted enough. If he wakes when I go to bed I'll have to go and lie with him, he won't want to come in with me, he's never really been one for coming into our bed.

Dh will be here in the morning - but he's about as much use as a chocolate teapot in these sorts of situations unfortunately. At least he can get the other two fed and sorted while I handle ds1 though.

How's dd doing? Was she sick again - or was it just a one off gag reflex thing after all?

Gag reflex. She's been bouncing around and came out with me this afternoon to a quick meeting, and played squeaky chicken chasing with the guy's dog for an hour... much to the delight of the dog, and bemusement of the owner. I think he was quite relieved when we left...

Still, at least it means she'll be back at school tomorrow for the physio .

Ds has come home from school and gone straight to his bedroom to work on his science fair project.

Without being asked.

I might need a lie down.

Hope you have a quiet night x

Oo, I forgot to say earlier - I got all confused and weighed myself as I thought it was Friday, and I've lost half a pound. so I'm not going to tempt fate and weigh tomorrow... Just in case

And dh emailed and said he got rear-ended by a truck in the city, so has been on the phone to the insurers all afternoon. not too much damage, but will need new bumper, paint job and possibly some light fittings. No idea if he's actually resigned or not now, and whether he'll have put it off until tomorrow as too much excitement for one day.