Busty Babe With GSOH Seeks SW Partner for Weigh-Ins, Bad Jokes & Barely Veiled Self-Loathing

[BlooferLady]

All right, when you've un-cringed from the above -

I'm about to (re-)embark on Slimming World and since I have neither the time nor the funds to go to classes could really do with a coupla pals for those delicious weekly morning weigh-ins. Is anyone interested? I guess it would be ideal if we were all SWing, but it ain't essential. It's the praise or blame I need, alongside willing recipients of lengthy descriptions of the size of my arse .

Few stats (and needless to say we needn't go in for actual weights here)

I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago on SW, and have gained about 20lb of that. I KNOW! Silly bint.

As a first step I want to lose 10lb because this will take me into the 'light enough for IVF' category (I have 6 months left before referral for fertility treatment and if not pregnant by then would like to arrive in the pink of health).

After that I would like to lose another 10lb and say 'hello stranger!' to my sad neglected wardrobe of vintage frocks.

Finally, if you are interesting in hanging out, would you mind awfully looking in the mirror and checking that you actually are properly overweight?! Because nothing would depress me more than celebrating getting into a size 16 dress, when everyone else on the thread was lamenting finding their size 10 skinnies a little snug

Right. I'll now sit back and await rejection. Alpine my luvva, if you're reading this do join!

I am feeling very fucked off with it all, eating well and exercise has led to an increase in weight. Can we please change the challenge to put on 20kg?

My shape is definitely changing though for the better and I'm less sticky-outy at the saddlebags but I just want to see the fecking scales move down.

c4ro great thing about here is no hot x buns, for which I am thankful.

I am riding beautifully right now, shame I'm too embarrassed to ride in front of judges whom I feel would judge my are and not my horse!

vanilla I am very impressed by your commitment. I have been known to refer to chocolate as 'satans shit' however I developed an eating disorder, so am trying to do this slowly but steadily. I have never been able to squirt fairy liquid over any food, not even chocolate!

Not a good day for me today - DD2 had an awful time at her nursery introduction, and in-laws are getting to me too - I ate birthday cake, but I was good the rest of the day.

Shit shit fuck........by complete mistake I just ate 2 hot cross buns and they weren't even nice. Bollocks.

I find being on MN at night very fattening. Think I might be pre menstral. Must do better tomorow.

Very welcome pep talk Vanille . Sorry about the Hot Furious Buns. PMS does make dieting tres difficile.

Pony it's so hard to cling to the fact that your body shape is more important than the number on the scales . I imagine (based on previous experience) that if you are toning up then your metabolic rate will go up owing to more muscle mass, and you'll have a better loss in the coming week or so. someone kindly deliver same advice to me when we weigh in tomorrow and I've undone all the good work I've done the last coupla weeks

Looking forward to being back on the wagon today.

B - fruit salad, mullerlight
L - eggy bread
D - pasta and roast veg

morning all,

haven't had time to read through all the thread thats happened since ive been away so congrats and comiserations to losses and gains.

Well camping was ace, apart from me being under the weather and diet went totally out of the window at the sight of the cornish cream tea welcome basket laid out my our lovely host in the yurt-I drank, I ate chocolate, hot cross buns and yesterday we got stuck in bloody dreadful traffic all the way back 7.5 hours instead of 4-finally stopped at a services and had a burger king which was grim and I now have the runs. We were going to stay an extra day and really wish we had now but the idea was to get me back yesterday in time to see the doctor as I have a bladder infection and have found camping really rough because the loo block was quite a way from the yurt. I still enjoyed my self though.

Oh Fish sorry about the infection and the runs . Have massive envy on the camping front though!

oh please oh please tell me it is not too late for me to jump on this fantastical band wagon that is ''girls who just want to wobble less''

My little ones also 9 months and i gained 4 fecking stone over my pregnancy...not one pound of it was my fault...the baby wanted it. My relationship screwed up..another half a stone went on...relationship was back on and back to happy days...another half a stone on....

Then started going to the gym and cut out sugar for Lent (6 weeks what the frick was i thinking.) but i did it and have lost a stone. Only another 3 to go. ::that line is dripping with sarcasm:::

This by the way is my own personal 'target weight' nothing to do with what i should be, i have no idea what i should be and i dont care less, long as im chatting about my 'size 12 jeans that were lost in Narnia' by the end of it.

You have all managed to apsolutely make me crack up and im now rooting myself in your thread and will start today ready for next tuesday....the 3 easter eggs, 4 fish fingers with a tin of mushy peas iv had today probably isnt the best start...but hey ho Zumba time tomorrow evening...have any of you yet to grace Zumba with your old Nikeys and tshirts you would normally only ever wear to bed.....?

Jodialea Welcome to our lair, , 4 stone sounds a very respectable and normal amount to want to be losing.

My weight appears to be on a downwards trajectory again and I'm going to try and give it a little nudge by going to the gym tonight. I will tape up my ankle and trust I don't fill my shoe with blood again. I may do the Serena Williams podcast, she says something like "now, I want you to turn people's heads with your speed". Mad twat.

Yo 'ssup Jodes, come hang with our homies. Um. Or something [down wid da kidz emoticon]. Top work on that there stone. You are officially 25% of the way there, no? Oh yes. Professor Brian Cocks has NOTHING On me. PM me tomorrow and I'll add you to the Big Fat List - we're just listing target weight loss (some of us are opting for interim ones), Loss This Week, Overall Loss, and so on.

I does HEART SW, Pony. Competely off her scone but so...so...well just so damned BOUNCY with it.

Talking of bouncing I have had a most productive day, having eaten mostly fruit and veg in very forms, done so much ironing I have a pumped-up right arm (disclaimer: these are the DH's uniform shirts: I myself dress like a rumpled tramp), and been to the gym, where a Personal Trainer is clearly trying to recruit me for a client, so I had to keep gasping "Of course I am a broke-ass student" while he attempted to charm me as I sweated away on the cross trainer. Poor swine. He's giving me a free 1/2 hour tomorrow and will get nada for his pains

In other news I just spunked a tenner on some mascara that came breathlessly praised in the Grauniad and it's shit. I will never use it, and I cannot give it to anyone else. Do I leave it knocking around my makeup bag gathering dust, or throw it away immediately and try to banish from my mind the image of myself wiping my fat arse on ten pound notes?

He probably wants to bum you bloofer, famously PT's love a girl with a little junk in her trunk. Offer him a squeeze on your boob once a month in lieu of payment?

Which mascara is it you bought? Enquiring minds need to know - nothing worse than spending money on crap make-up. Twice a year I go to Sephora's "3 for 10 euros" sale and last month went to Tesco on mother's barclaycard, one of the foundations I bought is not that great. Yes, I bought more than one. Only seems right really when spending someone else's money. I told her I was keeping the receipt to stop her seeing what I bought to compare prices back home.

Sell it on ebay Bloof?

I weighed myself ce matin, and have hit the celery furiously today to try and get back to the weight I was last week on the DOD. Tuna salad for tea. And a furious poo in the morning :o

The offending lash-goo was the Maybelline one from this article. IS UTTER BOBBINS, though what I expected from so ghastly a crime against the innocent apostrophe I don't know. It's all clumpy and crap. All my other stuff is Benefit: no idea why I don't bite the bullet and shell out the required £245 for some Bad Lash . Don't think I can rightly sell an opened mazzy on the Bay that is E....

Pony as we all know I am utter catnip to the male populace, so I think you're prolly right there [whisky]

Have just troughed loads of homemade minestrone (virtuous) and 2 slices weeny bread (virtuesque) with homemade lemon curd (unvirtuous). Hmph. I just hope the MASSIVE SHITE I intend to deliver without epidural tomorrow morning will be sufficient to bring me back to last week's DoD weight, or y'all are gonna have to put up with one hell of a lot of moaning from me tomorrow. You can't wait!

Hello Jodialea et al,

I'm only really here cos this lot really make me laugh

I feel like a big fat fraud at the mo cos in the last half hour another 4 hot x buns have bitten the dust, poor beggers. I know it's pre menstral but that doesn't make it any better.

So pissed off with myself.GGGRRR

Hi, Can I join. Started SW in Nov and weigh more than when I started. Not helped byt the 4lbs I put on at tonight's weigh in.

Vanilla I am of course prostrate with grief and empathy over the Furious Buns, but I am slightly consoled that I'm not the only weakling on the fred

PMT is a bastid. It gives me such hunger i could a eat a light aircraft like that South American feller. I read about it so it must be troo.

Oh hello there Beaver - bad luck on the 4lb gain: you must be feeling right pissed off . We'll be doing the Big Fat List tomorrow, so if you want to join in PM me with your target loss (some do interim, some do the full shebang), and each week we'll list loss that week and overall loss.

Have you any idea why it's not been working for you thus far, pal?

I've got bad endometriosis and a probable fibroid. Think my hormones are shagged by it. Thats generally, this week however I've eaten 2 easter eggs, had a Mcdonalds and a chip supper. Which could be something to do with it.

Am currently nibbling carrot sticks instead of having dinner. But I do feel unwell tonight as am in shedloads of pain. I think my periods due as well.

I'll PM you my target weight, etc. Thanks

Hello to all, especially newcomers to the chubby old hoofers Tuesday club.

Beaver sorry to hear about the endometriosis, can't be pleasant at all. Can't the docs do anything about it?

Well, I attended my Meeting of Doom this morning (one coffee, no breakfast first, natch ) and was squeezing out yet another wee before weigh in, when all the other members fell over themselves with excitement to tell me that the scales had broken. Not one person there of 40 had gained weight over Easter, so the consensus was that the scales were in fact knackered. Fine by me!

Righto, have read through what I've missed, hello everyone, glad I'm not the only one who's had a shite week ......bet I wont be smiling tomorrow though, bloody day of doom comes round too quickly for my liking. Well, after a long weekend of chocolate and vodka, cant see a weight loss happening anytime soon. Be bloody lucky If I havent put on all I lost last week, and then some. Going to weigh myself in the nude, 1st thing tomorrow morning. See, you cant do that at SW can you .

Yes, am having an operation in the next 4 weeks to burn the inside of my uterus away. So no more excuses after that. wELL unless it doesn't work and I need a hysterectomy.

evening all - can't keep up with everyone here!!

I am shortly off for a run - hoping to manage longer than normal in the vain hope of having a loss ready for tomorrow

hope you all have super sucess stories for the week to make me feel shit inspire me :)

Thanks for the welcoming welcome, 3 stone is reasonable i guess....if your capable of shifting it... :s
My main excuse seems to be...''well if i eat it now it wont be there tomorrow to eat''...hasnt worked so far but i keep hoping.

After PROMISING myself i would get on the exercise bike this eve (im one of those oo id love a little gym in my own home id use it all the time whilst watching TV) it failed...epicly...for apsolutely no other reason other tahn i cant be assed. NOT a brilliant start but am definately going to grace the cross trainer tomorrow evening whilst Tays Dad has him.

Nearly had a mini stroke earlier when one of my friends( also on a get lean path ) texted me saying there was 247 calories in just a QUARTER of an egg...well i immediately thought ' oh my days my problems are solved THIS is where iv been going wrong!' i suddenly saw myself cutting out eggs and just rolling in the weight loss ( :s ) so to speak....until it suddenly clicked that she was quite clearly talking about the chocolate easter kind.
I was devastated.

Fantastic news about the scales! i think id be tempted to just make my weight loss up...just to feel smug! :D

My son weighed himself on my rubbish scales today. He is 2 stone 2. I need to lose at least 3. Shit it.

There is so much bloody chocolate in this house. I am doomed this week I tell you, DOOOOMED.

Evening All

Just been catching up, and pleased to hear that I am not alone in having a tricky week. I admire all those with the willpower to stay strong in the face of the kind of goodies that appear over a bank holiday. Am I alone in finding it rude to keep refusing all manner of tempting and calorific things that have been prepared for me as a guest?

So, I think I have lost a pound (maybe I should check again tomorrow in case it rematerialises overnight?). I don't think this is bad going given that there have been cakes and ale (and ice cream and wine and modest morsels of chocolate, and mainly hot cross buns). Have been for daily walks though, and when not in my own kitchen it is trickier to polish off an entire swiss roll in one day without someone noticing, so that must have helped.

Am off for pub lunch tomorrow, so think I'll stick with today's reading from the scales in case I am sucked in by the dessert menu. Will be back to routine in a few days and ready to get into some SW style eating and start contemplating The Exercise Problem.

Happy DoD!