If you have lost a lot of weight, do you prefer.....

[CharlotteRumpling]

(a) people to compliment you by saying wow, you have lost a lot of weight,
(b) people to compliment you by saying "you look well".
(c) people to say nothing at all.

I am not on WLI myself.

I met an acquaintance yesterday after some months, and she was about half her size. I went with option C as I was too cowardly to say anything, but she did look great. May not have been WLI, but I think it is, as the difference is quite marked. If she was a close friend, I might have gone with B.

I don’t care either way.

If they say I look great, that’s grand but if they say something daft like, you’re wasting away or you’ve gone too far (still bmi 30 and have at least 2st to go!), then I’d think they were jealous or just being a prick but really, who cares what other people think. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DH and my SIL are really supportive so that’s enough for me.

Actually, what does annoy me is when people follow up their initial comment with 'do you feel better?' - what is that supposed to mean? Is it automatically assumed that I must have felt 'bad' while I was fatter? That to me feels more like judgement rather than just the comments on the weight loss (which is factual and objective).

C but A is fine. I say I’ve been on fat jabs though if someone does comment. I don’t want anyone thinking I want them to think I’ve spent hours in the gym and weighed out lettuce when I haven’t.

WLI have been the easy way out for me - I’m happy to admit I’ve cheated.

I did feel bad, few people feel good fat. I understand you did, but I’d say that’s the exception rather than the rule. Most people either struggle with some physical activities, or have stiff joints, don’t like their appearance or have health issues, very few people go on the jabs just as they feel they should.

i think that’s why the injections are so popular, most on them have tried everything fo lose weight, always ending back where they began, so to find something that works, to improve your health, to like your appearance again, is joyous.

I’ve lost a third of my body weight so I expect people to comment - but I also think it depends if it’s intentional and whether you know that. My Mum had cancer, lost a lot of weight due to the treatment and other side effects - when people she hadn’t seen for a while commented how good she looked and how she’d done it (hadn’t lost her hair so wasn’t obvious she’d been threw chemo), she was like ‘yeh cancer will do that’ awkward all round tbh

I would like to be told I look well, but happy for people to mention that I have lost weight. My sister told me I look older now, I could have done without that 🙄

@RenegadeKeeblerElf omg yes, I didn't realise till I've just read your post. Ive had a few people ask if I feel better for it? . Im like I feel the same but I like getting into smaller clothes and I like thr way I look now..

I prefer people not to mention it, and when you get the statements of dont lose any more, im like, wtf? You never told me not to gain any more..

Definitely C for me.

I’ve lost 4 stone and need to lose another 3 so I’m at an awkward stage where I look very different, but I’m still fat. I’m finding it very hard and in fact the whole topic upsets me.

So when people make positive comments I just feel awkward because I can’t return their positivity.

I don’t feel better, I feel miserable.
I don’t look great, I just look less bad than before
Im not pleased, I’m daunted by the task ahead etc

C) Nothing at all or B) You look *great (not “well,” insinuating the person was sick before.).

I prefer “nothing” (esp from men) bc stop gawking at my body.

I think most people prefer C, so I will go with C, unless it's a close friend who clearly wants my opinion!

Reminds me of when I was mid way through and one person kept calling me skinny minnie. I was still 14/15 stone. All I could think was

1. I wasn’t
2. stop constantly drawing attention to my weight around other people

it was an awkward feeling

Depends on who they are, and how they say it. I've lost 14.5 stone, or 57% of my starting weight over the past 4 years. One of the neighbours blanked me when I said hello, and then apologised afterwards explaining that she hadn't recognised me. She was used to seeing size 36 me, not the size 12 version.

I don't hold it against her, because I feel the same. I can't see the size 12 person properly yet, can't judge how much room I'm going to need to get through a gap, and am not yet confident that the seatbelt will be long enough to go round me and fit into the slot. I grabbed my old kitchen apron this morning, I only use it a couple of times a year, and was surprised to find the strings are now long enough to tie in the small of my back. In fact if I sucked in my gut and gave them a bit of a tug I could probably have brought them round and tied them at the front. That's after 40 years of wearing it with the strings hanging loose, because they weren't long enough to reach all the way around me. Same thing with bath sheet sized towels, that used to be positively indecent and gaping at the front, but that now wrap decorously enough for greeting the Queen. (If she happened to pop round just as I was getting out of the shower).

One thing that does really annoy me is when people exclaim about my weight loss in a way that indicates they want me to know that they think I've accomplished something amazingly clever. That only causes me to wonder just how incredibly stupid they thought I was when I just kept getting fatter and fatter? I don't believe that being fat is a character defect, and I don't believe that being normal weight is any indication of moral fortitude.

Now that I'm really thinking about it, I wonder if I should start interrupting people who want to discuss my weight loss, and ask them to put it to me in the medium of interpretive dance? So long as they don't ask me to dance in response, because my sodding leg still doesn't sodding work, despite my having lost 92kg in an attempt to regain mobility.

@Disturbia81 OMG I have this too, people describing me as “skinny” and thinking it’s a compliment. FFS I’m a size 18 and firmly still in the obese category. All I hear is “you’re so much better than you used to be” and I hate it.

I'm happy with A or B - it's not like I didn't know I looked crap before!

I’m not sure we always look better after losing weight, especially when losing muscle mass and face volume.

I'd say "no, just hungry".

But, actually, I do feel a bit better. My jeans don't dig in when I sit down, walking is easier, I'm getting less out of breath.

On the downside, I might need new clothes which is quite annoying!

Was weigh in this morning, 5lbs down, now only .7 above "normal" BMI.

I just say “you look amazing!” Or if I know them well and haven’t seen them for a time “Where’ve you gone?!”

I think you can only speak for yourself on that tbh.

There’s no way that anyone would think I looked better at 22st than I do now at 10st 12lbs, it would be absurd to think that. I think that would be true in the vast majority of people with similar weight loss.

A,definitely! I must admit I'm one of those people who feels a bit pissed off if people don't seem to notice that I've lost nearly 8 stone. I'm still overweight,I've got another 3 stone to lose and I'm always a bit mystified by people who say oh you are so skinny now! Really?!

A colleague I see infrequently has lost loads of weight. I said 'You look great' when I last saw her, because she really did - not just because she's slimmer but because she looked remarkably good all round which I assumed was a symptom of feeling better generally. It would've felt weird to pretend I couldn't see a difference in her.

Sure, but looking at the so so many before and afters on line, particularly Reddit, most people do tp be fair do, nearly all.

no one would think I looked better a size 18, with a big belly matronly bust, fat face, double chins and jowls. I do look better now, I dress better, no long in stretchy black clothes to try to hide the fat, and my face looks better, I’ve cheekbones again and a firm jaw, my hair looks better, I assume due to the good diet, my skin is better, also due to the good diet and the hydration.

people can lose muscle mass and they do need to work out throughout, which many do, with a focus on protein, again many do, it’s no secret, and go into body recomp when they hit goal weight, but even if they don’t do that, they still look better, clothes on or off, and faces only really lose too much facial volume if they go under weight, and very very few people do that, most stay within a healthy weight range and still have facial volume.

healthy weight in my view for nearly everyone looks better than under or overweight,

Hmm, at first when I started loosing no one said anything and I was a bit disappointed to be honest. Now I've lost over 3 stone and gone down 3 dress sizes I'm actually getting a bit sick of bumping into someone that I've not seen in a while and having them go on about how much weight I've lost. And, dont get me started on the "dont loose any more, you'll be too scrawny" Brigade. No one commented on my appearance when I was obviously obese, had 3 chins and, dressed like a frumpy hobbit. But now it's all some people want to talk about.

On the other hand, I went out on Saturday night in a lovely jumpsuit and sky high heels that made me look like I did when I was 18 well maybe not my wrinkles and it was very nice to lap up the compliments on how good I looked. Obviously just no pleasing me 😂😂

I am more than happy to have the A compliments, as long as they are genuine and not snidey. For me it's not just weight loss, I am doing loads of weights and exercise, and I'm getting a toned body, so I am happy for people to comment and acknowledge all the work I have put in. I don't think I look like someone who is ill, I think I look like someone who goes to the gym a lot and fit and healthy.

I do also agree with other people who have said once it's been a while you just want to be accepted that this is you, so shouldn't need to be commented on (the loss of weight I mean, I don't mind people noticing my muscles getting bigger/looking more toned).

Obviously it's different if people haven't seen you for a long time and then comment. Indeed it's weird to not comment if someone hasn't seen you for a year or something and you look a lot different.

The ones that annoy me the most are the ones who say "you have lost soooo much weight" without actually complimenting you. I respond in an enthusiastic way to say thank you so much, yes I have and I feel great. In my head I am often thinking yeah thanks for that, I wasn't THAT blooming big you know!! I was a size 16 which, yes I was obese, but is hardly enormous 🤦‍♀️

I prefer nothing at all personally.

I'm not on WLI but I have lost a lot of weight in the last year..I don't like people commenting on it as it just makes makes me remember how overweight I was and makes me wonder what they must have been thinking about me previously.