If you’ve lost a significant amount, are people treating you differently?

[threeeggsontoast]

I’ve lost 2.5 stone on MJ so far but as I’m short, it’s probably more noticeable. Even though I’ve still got a long way to go, just going from 16+ stone to 13.11 has meant I’m dressing more confidently, feeling more comfortable in my own skin and so much more. I feel like some people are treating me differently though. I don’t think I’m imagining it but it’s like there’s more respect - more men holding open doors, more people listening if I say something and, more friends going out of their way to suddenly have an opinion on my weight loss (some positive, some negative).

As you’ve morphed into a new body, have people started treating you differently?

I've lost 5 stone and suddenly people are being so much nicer to me. Complimenting my appearance and what Im wearing, saying I look so much younger.
When I was 15 stone I was treated like a non entity and people would tell me I'd be so much prettier if I wasnt so fat.

Haven’t noticed any change this time round. I’ve lost weight before and found it uncomfortable then at times to be more visible, but i think now I’m older that hasn’t really happened. I’m definitely more confident and comfortable though.

I lost 24% of my body weight, I've not noticed anyone treating me any differently. I am quite oblivious though!

I also think there is something in how we interact with people as well when we are fat v slim, even if we don’t recognise it. A fear of judgement, a reserved attitude, putting ourself out there less. But it also impacts how people interact back. It isn’t really all one sided.

i don’t see the getting compliments as an issue, I personally didn’t look good fat, I didn’t think I looked good fat, so it would be very wrong of me to think other people should have thought I looked good.

I looked unhealthy, my face was bloated, I had double chins, and my stomach looked like I was heavily pregnant. This doesn’t mean others don’t carry it well, simply I didn’t.

I look much healthier now, I am much healthier now, and I dress better, I look better and take more care of my appearance, I’m not wearing black and navy stretchy stuff to hide my body any more.

Strangers treat me a bit better. Or sort of like they expect me to have higher expectations than when I was fat (I’ve lost a third of my weight).

But I’ve also noticed plump women being cautious of me. I hadn’t realized there was a gentle solidarity before. That makes me sad. I want to tell them I’m fat ‘really’. Except I’m quite thin.

Yes, definitely. I do agree there's probably a bit more confidence going on too but I'm certainly treated better by people. Several people on the school run interact who used to ignore me.

I'm down 8 stone.

I lost 12 stone after WLS and people treat me so differently. I’m not invisible anymore.

I think it’s mainly because I look better but I also think there’s part of it that I FEEL better, happier and more confident, and I think that also makes me more generally attractive/approachable as well.

I agree with your post. I don't have the experience of going from very large to very slim, so can't comment there. But I've lost two stone, and that has taken me from a (tall) size 16 to about a 12/14. I feel so much better now and like my appearance again. I've noticed people on the school run chatting to me more. But honestly, they've always been friendly and chatty. I was just much more reserved. I'm regaining my confidence now, and relaxing into initiating conversations more myself etc.

I had a gastric sleeve three years ago and lost 11 stone, I’m still on my journey but I’ve gone from 25 st/size 28 to 13st/size 14.

People were never awful to me when I was bigger but they’re definitely nicer now. I now get bought drinks at bars, chatted up, etc, which I would have always been suspicious of the intent had it happened when I was bigger.

I changed jobs when I was 25st due to redundancy and even with my experience I struggled to find anything at my level, I’d get to interview stage and then nothing. Two years later only my weight had changed and I was being offered higher paying jobs left right and centre despite having the same qualifications and experience as when I was bigger.

I do amateur dramatics. My acting, dancing and singing skill set has remained the same (good actor, terrible dancer, good singer) and before I’d only ever be cast out of desperation or as the comic relief. Now my upcoming year is back to back leading roles. I try not to feel resentful but it does grate.

So yes. People definitely treat me differently.

Wow that’s some difference, congrats on the weight loss, but back to back leading roles and multiple high paid job offers is a huge change just as you are no longer obese. Well done. Do you think you come across as more confident now you’re no longer obese, or present better?

Thanks! I’ve always been outgoing and a gob shite so I don’t think it’s totally based on how I present myself.

I was chatting to our recruitment team about this funnily enough and one of them admitted she interviewed a larger person and couldn’t understand why she was subconsciously dismissing them when they ticked all the boxes. She said it eventually occurred to her that she’d made assumptions about this person being lazy, ignorant and stupid because of their size. She obviously gave herself a talking to and hired the person who turned out to be an amazing part of the team.

What the fuck is wrong with people?!

Yep. And this is a fairly decent person who hadn’t initially realised their subconscious bias but reflected and identified it. Still a dickish thing to do.

I’d honestly be too embarrassed to tell anyone if I’d thought that!

Thing is people make judgements about others all the time. And it’s not just about weight.

There was a thread on here about being interested in clothes recently, a dismaying amount of people posted, without shame, that if someone dressed well they decided they were stupid or similar as they didn’t have anything else occupying their brains.

another thread where a woman posted she envied a woman at the gym, who’d had Botox and she thought looked great, some of the answers were scathing, like when did she last read a book, like the two were mutually exclusive.

folks are endlessly fascinated by obese people, so many programs, my 600 lb life, 1000 lbs sisters etc, and some of them will watch it to make themselves feel superior. Weight is a really messed up subject for many how many times in this forum have we seen the just eat less move more crap posted. Some posters even wishing cancer and death on folks who take weight loss injections.

people judge women who wear body conscious clothes, being promisicous or thick. Or who wear make up, as hiding and presenting a false image. Sure we all get a lot of it is due to the posters own mental health, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, but judging other people, having horrible thoughts, one thing this forum has shown me, is it’s not uncommon sadly.

8 1/2 stone down and I am no longer invisible to the general public (or worse, noticed and insulted!). Male attention is insane! Random men hold doors open, defer to me when on stairs etc, say hello and the attention on online dating got so ridiculous, I had to shut it down. I’m 58, grey haired and wrinkled not some gorgeous young lady! 😂

I have lost 4 stone and it is crazy how much nicer people are to me now

Nothing I've noticed. That being said, I've only gone from 31 to 25 BMI and I suspect most people probably saw me as chubby more than fat before.

Basically I think the weight where people see it as open season to be an arsehole to you is likely higher than the weight at which you become eligible for MJ. And the weight where the more obnoxious type of woman sees you as a threat is probably lower than I am now?

Yes, everyone is pretty much nicer to me now, but I haven't caught up with the changes to my body in my own head yet, so it's quite jarring to me. I'd more or less got used to being ignored or sneered at, and now when a random bloke holds a door open for me instead of letting it swing shut in my face, or the shop assistant in the boutique near me offers to get me a smaller size, I have a moment where I think they're being sarcastic. I guess I still think of myself as fat and keep forgetting that I'm actually not any more.

I have lost 39% of my body weight this year, and am now 8 stone 4 at five ft four.

I honestly don’t notice any difference at all in how people treat me. However, I am in my sixties so I am used to being invisible (and really enjoy that)

Bare in mind, you are treating yourself differently as highlighted in your post so only natural that others do to

I don't think people treat me differently but quite a few have commented, but that's partly due to circumstances.

I left my job and took 3 months off, then returned to the same company in a different role. I had lost 12kg before I left and no-one really noticed or said anything. In my 3 months off I got Botox, and did a lot of exercise. I lost an extra 5kg in that time. I also had a personal styling session and bought a whole new wardrobe. Lots of people have commented since I've returned to work. I think it's partly because they hadn't seen me regularly so that last 5kg was noticeable, but also all the other things I changed in my time off. I've had various comments, but all of them positive. I think my favourite was a younger male colleague (very nice bloke, nothing sleazy about him) asked me if I took up Marathon running in my 3 months off. Lots of people have said I look more relaxed. One said I looked younger.

I think I was well liked and respected before and that hasn't changed.

I've lost 5 stone and people noticed a few months ago. I've had lots of compliments and feel much more 'seen' if that makes sense. I have gone from being invisible to men looking at me at smiling at me in the street like they did when I was young. I don't like that part.I can't relax because I don't know how long I can stay like this if I come off it and I'm scared to buy new clothes in case I put it all back on.