What do you feel when your slim friends say you are too thin?

[Itscoldouthere]

Out tonight with good friends who I haven’t told that I’ve used WLI.
Obviously I’ve changed in the last 18 months as I’ve lost 4 stone, but none of my friends are overweight so we’ve never really discussed weight as a general topic but my weight loss has been commented on, anyway tonight after quite a few glasses of wine a close friend said she thought I’d lost too much weight and looked too thin, I’m a size 10, BMI 22 (still got fat some bits), this friend is slim and always has been, she has no idea how it feels to be obese and fat or how it makes you feel, I casually brushed it off, but I felt a bit pissed off at her comments.

It’s fear about them not being slimmest anymore, they like the feeling of having fat friends like a comfort blanket. I’ve tried to think why as I don’t think it myself. My friends hide away when they’re fat so I love it when they’re slim, confident and want to come out more. I love seeing them happy and enjoying life.
I think many women just have that inner competitiveness, maybe it’s a biological thing. Always needing to attract a mate. Women like that have always torn others down, criticised good looking people, it’s insecurity.

I know people say that the weight loss jabs don’t cause hollowing of the face any more than normal weight loss would but I’m not sure. My sister is still like a size 12/14 but her face looks much skinnier than you’d expect from someone that size. Maybe that’s why? Your face might have hollowed. I’m on them myself btw so I’m not trying to be negative,

Interesting replies thank you, it’s funny as most people don’t say much about my actual weight loss, but say things like, you look well.
I know my face has suffered as it’s looks more wrinkled, but I look so much better in my clothes and certainly don’t look too thin.
My friend has seen me all the way through my weight loss so it’s not that she hasn’t seen me for 18 months and I’ve been at my current weight for the last 6 months as I’m now maintaining, but she’s the only person who has said I’m too thin, I don’t think she was being bitchy, so I’m interested in why she thinks like this, she’s always been slim so has no experience of being fat or how it makes you feel, but it now makes me think she’s probably saying I’m too thin to others.
Weight is such a loaded topic.

But so what if it does make you look wrinkled or someone thinks you’re too thin? I bet she doesn’t say that to anyone else.

I have plenty of friends who I think would look better if they stopped the botox/ put on a bit if weight / did something about their hair, but I don’t go round pointing it out.

but overweight people are fair game, even when they are no longer overweight.

“oh good, are we giving everyone in the group ideal weights? Just me?”

@Pyjamatimenow yes I do agree with you, my face has changed more than I hoped, but I’ve found that things keep changing even though I’ve stayed the same weight for the past 6 months my measurements have changed, probably due to the exercise I’m doing.
I feel so much healthier and happier, so I can accept that my face has slightly suffered in the process.

Unfortunately for some of us ethnic minorities, we aren't classed as healthy until bmi 23, I've just got to bmi 22.9 last week and finally healthy!

I'm getting these comments all the time at work too from people who would've just passed by me before and barely spoke to me. Suddenly "you've lost so much weight, don't lose anymore" or "if you lose anymore you'll just be a head on a stick" "you're too thin now" "You're vanishing" I'm a size 10 bmi 22.9 with a 30" waist, I'm not stick thin. No-one cared when I was obese and prediabetic and had poor health. People tell me to eat a takeaway and enjoy myself..why would I want to undo all my hard work. I dont even crave those foods anymore.

I’d rather be slim, confident and healthy and a bit more wrinkled. It’s no contest

I'd probably feel a bit embarrassed as I am uncomfortable with people commenting on my body/looks in general whatever size. I love that I have lost 9st stone, a whole person 😮, and everyone at work has been polite enough to not have noticed 🤣

I would not assume a friend was being critical/judging as I don't think that way about my friends (or they wouldn't be "friends"). I'd either make a joke, or have a chat about it depending on the friend / where we were / my mood at the time.

Thanks for saying this.
I have many friends, all sizes. I’d hate to think one of them would regard any concern I expressed as being all about me and my paranoia of jealousy.

People just find it strange seeing us slim when they are used to us being fat. I don't think it's malicious. I had to tell one friend I'm still overweight BMI and definitely not too thin - she was shocked! I look far slimmer than I used to but I'm not slim by anyone's measure.

"Really? I've always thought that about you but I thought it would be rude to mention it."

Hopefully will shut her up if she mentions it again. Or just something short like "I don't" or "you're entitled to your opinion" or "it's not really up to you, is it?"

It is rude. If she didn't comment directly on your weight when you were bigger there's no reason to comment now. If she was genuinely concerned about you losing too much weight then telling you not to in the middle of a large group in a public area after a few drinks isn't the way to do it

You’ve obviously changed a lot.
Do you exercise? Sometimes I think people suggest others slow down with sight loss if they’ve got lots of loose, untoned skin and muscle. It maybe sounds kinder (?) to suggest they’ve lost too much weight rather than them doing some exercise.
Dunno….I never comment on people’s weight unless they ask.

@BringBackCatsEyes loose skin is nothing to do with how much exercise you do. It’s down to age, genetics, any sun damage or smoking damage if applicable. Would you tell a friend who has always been slim but didn’t look toned that they were too slim and need to make sure they don’t lose any more weight and should do some exercise?

Just want to throw a spanner in the works and say that it might be a way of your friend expressing concern youve lost a lot of weight very quickly. She might be worried that it is a sign of an eating disorder or ill mental health. If she is thin she won't probably even think of WLI or know anything about it. Maybe if you wanted to talk to her about your weight loss journey then she might not worry as much.

I don't think it's just jealousy.

I had a very overweight male friend for ten years. I moved abroad to work for a year. When I came back he had lost all the weight.

I was happy for him that he was healthy.

He looked like a completely different person. I felt like I didnt recognise him. It can be a real shock. it can feel like the person that I knew - is gone

4 stone loss in 12 months is not losing a lot of weight very quickly. It’s about 4.5 pounds a month, so at the lower end of the suggested 1 to 2 pounds a week for steady weight loss. And the OP has been maintaining weight for the last 6 months so not even been losing any weight recently.

I think that's harsh. My friend has lost a number of stone from wli and now looks verging on ill. Ice tried to use my "dr hat" to try to convince her to stop them cos I worry about her. Not in the slightest cos she's no longer my 'fat friend' as you horribly put it. I couldn't give a monkeys about what her weight is beyond her health.

(I've only ever been a size 8-10 and still have clothes from my teens I can wear in my early 30s, so it's not remotely a jealously thing. Being an anaesthetist makes me overly health conscious as to the consequences of obesity)

Congrats op

Apologies, I thought that someone who lost a lot of weight but didn't exercise alongside losing it would have a lot of loose skin.

Oh yes I didn’t think she was being bitchy or mean, and I’m not sure about the fat friend comments.
I actually didn’t really think of myself as the fat friend, although looking back at photos I was the biggest person in this friendship group, but nobody made any comments about my size.
I decided to loose weight for my health and didn’t really talk much about the process with my friend, she didn’t ask how or why I’d lost weight, just said I was now too thin.
I’m happy and that’s what matters to me, but I am finding others reactions weird/interesting at the same time, it just confirms to me that body image/weight is a really complicated subject and we all deal with it differently.

Nope, I’ve lost 4.5 stone and am fairly toned in my 50s despite no exercise other than dog walking. Just seem to have good skin tone.

People who are very slim (whether through always been small eaters or dieting) can often look wrinkled as they age, less fat padding.

WLI no more ‘cause’ gaunt appearance than any other form of food restriction. They work by better regulating blood glucose and gastric emptying. You will see extreme anorexics with collapsed faces no matter what method they used to achieve their weight. Some of the celebrities clearly using too high a dose of WLI are the extreme end of the spectrum.

@Itscoldouthere
As a naturally slim person( so someone who actively does nothing to alter my weight) I have occasionally over the years found myself to have this reaction to a friend who has lost a considerable amount of weight over a short period of time.
I have never voiced it, but it would be a lie to say I hadn’t thought it.

From my part I feel that it was a combination of a couple of factors.
Firstly the quick change, rather than the gradual change, means you don’t have time to acclimatise to the difference. Similar as to when someone who always wears glasses suddenly takes them off and their face looks strange and weird. It’s not that they objectively look odd or worse than without it’s just that to the person who knows them with the glasses the sudden change is unsettling. If the same person were to alternate a longer period of time where they alternated glasses/no glasses, then this doesn’t occur.

And secondly it does appear to be true that the body settles into a change and the “looking slightly ill” look, which is what people notice, and what makes some people comment, reverses itself after a short while.
My only experience is when I finished breastfeeding my children, my skin on my breasts and their shape and fit was a shock to me. Six months ish later they had revitalised and while still small weren’t empty looking and the skin had tightened to for their shape.

When I read the op I thought that a bmi of 22 was pretty low and was inclined to think that maybe her friend had a point. However, in my 20’s and 30’s my goal weight would have given me a bmi of just under this. I did maintain it for a good while and definitely looked amazing. I was also very fit so had some muscle on my frame.

I think she just made a poorly worded comment after a few drinks.

massive congratulations on the weight loss AND the maintenance. I bet you look fantastic.

I've had quite a few people say that I'm wasting away, I'm clearly not. BMI is currently 27.9 and I'm a 14/16 (sometimes 18) depending on style/brand. I was a size 24/26 so I guess compared to that I am wasting away!

Some of my friends who are surgeons have said enough weightloss now. They don't subscribe to the BMI is everything school of thought. I guess I respect their opinion a lot more than anyone else's as they have only ever been super supportive of using GLP1s, and even tell their patients about me.

I do think my face looks old though now. The benefit of being fat was no wrinkles. Now I look in the mirror and see my mother looking back at me!

My MIL has been like this repeatedly. Meanwhile she is 2 inches taller than me and weighs only 3kg
more!! And accepts she is carrying extra fat. I pointed out that 2 inches would equate to circa 4kg.

I’d just be saying, my BMI is over 20, so well in the healthy range.