How is going on wli’s affecting your relationships?

[Fwvertree]

I went on them as I was just getting bigger and bigger, I tried a lot and this was a last resort.
it’s working well for me, but obviously my eating habits have completely changed and my drinking. I used to be a binge drinker as well as eater and I’m noticing my husband has a problem with that.
he keeps saying I’m boring now, wants me to eat and drink more but I physically can’t.

I just dont want more than a couple of drinks, not even want; I cant stomach much anymore as it makes me ill and he can’t understand it. He drinks a lot. I also can’t eat as much.

i guess im wondering if anyone else whose partner isn’t on then is finding your new way of eating “boring”?
i also feel conscious about it. I guess I used to be more “fun”

Your husband is trying to make you feel bad because your new healthy lifestyle is making him look bad.

You will be more fun in your new healthy lifestyle than you would be if you ate/drank yourself to death.

So your husband is a binge drinker and a binge eater?

He drinks a lot but he’s lucky that he can eat what he wants and stays slim and doesn’t suffer from food noise or anything like that: he’s not a binge eater but I certainly am

So he’s a very heavy drinker with a dreadful diet?

Any children?

I don’t get why you eating less affects him and what he eats. He can eat what he wants, it’s normal for women to eat a lot less than men. It’s not boring. How does it make you less fun? You’re the same person.

My husband has been supportive. He now buys me clothes he thinks I'd like because all of mine got too big and has just paid to have some of my clothes i want to keep tailored.
I gained 5 stone since we met and it made no difference to him. I have now lost 4 of them. I always ate healthy meals I was awful for snacking and boredom eating. He isnt bothered that I dont anymore, It means all the snacks are his now lol.

Trying to work out how does this impact him........

If you are in the house and have ordered, for example, two extra large Dominos pizza, how does it impact him if you stop after a slice or two? Do you talk too much/repetitively about diet and mounjaro, or how you can't eat it, and he finds that boring? Or leave him eating alone while you go off and do something and he misses that social interaction?

I have a takeaway every week, but I choose carefully (by saying I fancy X, rather than saying I can't eat Y) and the portions I take are smaller, but if it is nice I still talk about how much I enjoyed it, because I do, not how much I couldn't eat, and I will still sit and chat while either of us are still eating.

Or does he, oddly, need you to overeat to enjoy his own pizza, and is just an arse?

My dh is very supportive but it does change things. We used to go out for food quite often and obviously we still can but it takes the shine off a bit if I hardly eat anything. I also really notice him over eating (he is only slightly overweight and I never say anything!) I think it does require a bit of adjustment

Why does he want you to eat & drink more? In what way does he think eating & drinking less makes you boring?

I really don't understand how what difference it makes to anyone else what someone eats/drinks so long as it's not harming them.

Do you think he feels that your change in habits is a criticism of/highlights his poor habits?

My DH doesn't care what I eat/drink. His policy in all things is that if it makes me happy he is in favour & if it makes me sad he is against. Finally being able to lose weight that has made me miserable is making me happy so he's delighted!

Male husband here - just my opinion Fwvertree, but you deserve better than this, He is being a dick. If he wants a more fun; happy you, then tell him he needs to create the atmosphere in which you thrive, shine and are happy. Can't outsource that to booze and pizza I'm afraid. Hugs to you. Ps, Am not saying I am perfect of course, but sheesh..

My DH is very supportive. He now dishes out smaller portions for me when he cooks. He has given up puddings all the time as he also needs to lose a small amount. Just so long as we eat together once a day he is not constantly saying what’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner. If we eat out he isn’t bothered if I opt out of having a starter and/or dessert.

He sees the benefits of my losing weight such as feeling happier, healthier, fitter to do more stuff. He has kept my MJ secret. Luckily he is not bothered if I need to buy a higher dose pen. If I am happy then he is happy. He is a keeper and then again so am I.

You have an alcoholic on your hands. If you don’t like that word use ‘problematic’ or ‘binge’ drinker.

You can see, hear and feel that now that you have cut back your own consumption. But worse he is insulting and aggressive about it shining a light on his own shortcomings.

I hope that you are delighted with yourself and that are motivated to continue to improve your health and not let this loser pull you down?

I also have put on 5 stone since we met (THF I was 15 and 7.5stone) - not all at once - about a stone a decade - and I have lost and regained the same 3 stone over and over.

I am absolutely buzzing with myself - I have a flamboyant new wardrobe courtesy of posh charity shops - I have a new lease of life and my DH loves me for it.

Everyone deserves to be celebrated, cherished, supported - treated kindly with respect. Remember that.

God no. He's pleased I'm more interested in the same foods as him. He's lost a bit of weight (didn't really need to) just by me not tempting him with takeaways. The only thing he's found difficult, apparently, is remembering to keep it a secret.

No I don’t go on about the injections at all. I rarely talk about it as he’s the only one who knows and I found it difficult to tell him anyway as I know he thinks it’s cheating so it’s not something I bring up in convo . It’s just noticeable that I can’t keep up with the drinking and when he offers more I say no as don’t fancy it. Plus I’m making more efforts to go gym. I guess the way I am is different but I’ve for the first time ever felt I have a grip on my weight and it’s nice to see the scales finally go down and not up. I don’t tell him he can’t as this is my journey but was wondering if anyone else had this.

I think the drinking thing is difficult tbh. I was never a heavy drinker but a few years ago I started feeling awful the day after a few glasses of wine so I gave up completely. Looking back my friendship group has changed since. Maybe a coincidence but people I used to socialise a lot with disappeared in the background. Probably because I started to do different things.

I think people saying it shouldn’t matter are being a bit obtuse. Drinking is a social thing (as is eating) and if that was how you relaxed together on a weekend, yes you cutting back impacts him, and he will miss it - not because he’s a weird fetishistic feeder or an alcoholic but because that’s something you used to enjoy together

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do Mounjaro and I hope he isn’t either. But if he’s missing some conviviality, that’s real and maybe you can (both) think about how to replace it at least for now.

Is it not possible for a non-drinker who has a small appetite to be convivial?

Surely it's the personality and interactions that are what makes conviviality rather than how drunk you are, or how much you've eaten. I couldn't care less how much people eat or drink when I'm spending time with them. I want to interact with them as a person.

I am going to take this at face value and not assume it’s a passive aggressive faux confused post as you want to have a go.

so I will say if a couple are used to having a few drinks together and food , if one of them doesn’t want to do that any more, it can change the dynamic, no one wants to sit and drink alone or eat all the food.

on saying that op I do think he’s being an utter dick. This is your health and he will need to accept it for as long as it takes till you hit goal, get into maintenance and can have occasionally more social evenings like before.

my husband has been nothing but supportive, he makes no comment, but we still go out for dinner I just eat something light or a small amount and have a glass or two of wine, and if he fancies a glass of wine or beer at home he has one. He’s never sat and binge drank at home though,

Mine has been pretty supportive. I think he found it strange at the beginning as I used to eat like a horse and admittedly drink too regularly. He’s got into new habits like cooking more, having less takeaways, and dishing up smaller portions for me and has joined me at the gym so I think it’s had a positive effect on both our lifestyles.

It's probably my way of writing posts as I've been accused of being pa many times before, but it was a genuine question. I wondered, in a genuine way, whether some people feel it is necessary to drink and eat copiously in order to be considered convivial and to have a good time. There are plenty of people who don't drink, and we can't all be buzz kills.

Fwiw I had the same question!

I genuinely don't understand why it would matter if the person next to you is drinking sparkling water rather than vodka & lemonade 🤷‍♀️

I've gone from binge drinking to no drinking, it's better all round, when my husband drank as well it would have been a problem but he doesn't drink now either so he can't moan. I don't cook now either, I think he's happy to eat ready meals tbh, he has the palate of a toddler, so often my cooking was wasted on him anyway, I leave him to eat his crap, and I get my own.

My DP started 4 months before me. We used to eat crap together and eat out or takes away too often. He was also a big social drinker.

I cook healthy so that didn’t change. He complained on my portion sizes being too big. So I put the food in bowls in middle of table so he could help himself. I found myself snacking in private. Also got annoyed he commented on my eating. Thats the bit that upset me. Also his constant complaining of a sore stomach

but on the whole I was supportive and loved the fact he stopped drinking.

now I am on them I understand the portion sizes.

I get together with my two best friends of 30 years and we either don’t drink or share a bottle (and never finish it), and I love every minute and come away having had a fabulous time

A few years ago a friend of mine admitted she had a problem with drinking and successfully chose abstinence. She would tell me what a huge issue it was for so many people around her... UK culture really struggled with her choice not to drink she had huge pressure from others to drink.

I'll admit I was really surprised to hear this, and like others on this thread I didn't think that it would make much difference to people if one person drank alcohol or diet coke!

And then I stopped drinking, aside from a very rare glass of wine, firstly due to menopause and now due to MJ. And I see exactly what she meant. If I go on a night out, I get the comments and feel the pressure exactly as she described. Its just brought home how important alcohol is to so many people, whether they're alcoholics or weekend bingers. It just seems to make people very uncomfortable to acknowledge you can have fun and not drink, they find it really confronting.

And to answer OPs actual question, my DP has been really supportive, and he enjoys a glass of wine and makes me "mocktail" in a nice glass so I get to drink something interesting but alcohol free! If he was behaving like your husband, it would be an unhappy realisation that the behaviours that kept us together were unhealthy ones. And I'd start questioning the relationship if he couldn't adapt.