Boyfriend thinks WLI are cheating

[Sogfree]

Posting here for traffic, as I think it's been lost in my monthly chat feed:

I've not told my boyfriend of 8 months that I'm on MJ. He's not noticed my weight loss really, as it's gradual. He goes to the gym 5/7 days. I've been running 5k+ 3/7 days for the last 10 years.

WLI were mentioned yesterday in conversation. He said "well those injections are just cheating, aren't they?"

I responded with something like "if it helps people become healthier long term, then surely that's a good thing"

Then moved the conversation on.

Where do I go with this?!

Depends whether he brings it up again I'd say. If it's just a one off, throwaway remark it can be ignored. I'm usually a fan of shaming people into keeping that opinion to themselves, but I don't think it has to happen immediately.

Ffs.
After 20 plus years of fucking fighting, struggling and failing over and over and over again I am not “cheating “ and will not be told I am either.

Now with the wli I can do what I know I need to
do with peace in my very noisy brain.

Im tracking, super healthy eating, removed UPF from my diet and am steadily losing weight. My blood pressure will come down, my bloods will become healthy and normal, I am reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke.

Im reducing the need to burden a crumbling health system by taking control at last.

What the fuck does it matter if I do what works for me?

Cheating my arse!

It’s a hell of a lot easier than the traditional approach. Does that mean it’s cheating, in a light-hearted way? Maybe.

Is taking medicine also cheating, because you should just fight the illness yourself? Are inoculations cheating?

WLI are a medical advance: help people get healthier, save lives.

Tell him to GTF.

A lot of people seem to think that, but tbh, im doing it for the sake of my health and mobility. Not because I need a challenge or enjoy the misery of dieting.
Its the only thing that makes me feel like my appetite is normal and not controlling my whole life. Waking me up in the night. Feeling dizzy or frantic about food.
If someone thinks its cheating, then they are looking at it from a different angle to me.
If it was a weightloss competition then maybe it would be cheating, but it isnt.

So I don't agree with the use of the word cheating. But my personal experience is they have made losing weight easier for me than I have ever experienced before. I have zero will power and LOTS of food noise. Historically all I had to do was think the word diet and every waking thought was about what I could eat, when I could eat it and how awful it was I couldn't have x, y or z. In addition, after spending time on SW years ago, I was left with a huge appetite! I couldnt sit with people who were eating and not join in with the eating. I had this very dep seated sense of entitlement around food. Why should he have more than me kind of thing and and if I wanted something, I was convinced I deserved it. I'd also see food as a reward as a stress reliever too. Really messed up, totally ingrained attitudes to food.

On MJ, I just don't want the foods I was addicted to, my portions are naturally smaller. I want to eat healthily, I want to move more. I really don't care if someone else has all the chocolate, or a plate of food double the size of mine. So is it cheating? No I don't think it is. Does it make the whole process easier? 100%

You don't do anything, he's entitled to an opinion ( one I don't agree with as it's bloody hard work!!!) and you're entitled to not tell him you're on them. If you don't live together then hide them in a place he won't see and move on.

I've got friends who don't have a clue I'm on them and their tone when they say 'fat jabs' says it all and is straight out of the daily fail. They'll never know how I've lost weight.

Is exercise not cheating?
Actively doing something to biologically assist weight loss?

I’d leave it now bur be side eying him. As it’s a bit of a thick thing to say, I mean who is it cheating, there is no prize for losing weight the hard way, it’s not a competition, so yeah, I’d be thinking he was quite ignorant and well that’s never attractive.

Well, if it is cheating then I’m happy to cheat. Obesity is disabling and leads to a shorter life. What’s more important?

(Disclaimer: I don not think it’s cheating).

He is wrong.
That's because he doesn't have enough knowledge on the subject. If someone is wrong through ignorance it is not their fault. The question is do you have the mental energy or desire to educate him!

I take HRT, that is not cheating the dire effects of the menopause. I also take omeprazole for indigestion. Am I cheating in avoiding cancer of the oesophagus by doing this...... No, obviously not.
Have I been cheating in order to lose 5 stone? Again, No.

People who are not obese but still have to work to stay slim or keep fit somehow think we who are/have been obese should simply do the same.
Except that we already do, We do work hard in changing our diet and life style, just as we have before, again and again. This time we have the assistance of MJ.

I didn't tell my DH or 3x DC until I had been on MJ for a few months. They could see how I was successfully losing weight. I explained that I was on MJ and I wanted them to know just incase I had an accident, or suddenly became unwell, & was rushed to hospital and they were asked what meds I might be on.
They were really interested and asked lots of questions about it. I expected a bit of judgement, all I got was support and encouragement.

There might be a quiet, right time, to explain to him what you are doing, why and how it works. Or you might wish to continue as you are, just because we love someone, that doesn't mean we need to share absolutely everything!

I just don’t get who I’m supposed to be cheating, I’m not in competition with other fat people.

i think these people see slimness as a prize. For them it’s about the aesthetics, they don’t understand the health issues, and they think to be slim and fit, you need to struggle and work at it. Spend your days feeling deprived and knackered. They don’t understand the drugs, and feel it’s all about appearance, and they compete with others on their own appearance.the ultimate in self absorbed vanity and shallowness.

Well they do make weight loss easier, especially less willpower needed. So perhaps from that POV they are cheating (I’m taking them and I do see the cheating argument).

Obviously still need to eat less and if you don’t want to lose muscle need to eat protein and lift weights. Sadly many people who take them don’t do this, and end up losing muscle as well as fat.

The point for me is, so what if it’s cheating. Why not cheat? I mean I use conditioner to make my hair softer, or hair straighteners, or HRT so I don’t experience menopause symptoms, or deodorant so I don’t smell of BO. Are they all also cheating?

Well it’s easier than doing it with pure willpower and discipline, regardless of the reasons why the person doesn’t have those things. Cheating isn’t really a fair term as it’s not a game, but I think when people say this that they are pointing out that it is easier than the traditional way to lose weight.

So instead of using pure willpower to eat less you use the injection to eat less.

Difference is willpower. He calls that cheating. So it's "cheating" (or hacking) yourself out of suffering?

Oh no. What kind of idiot would want to do that? Is he a masochist? Does he enjoy suffering? Want others to suffer? Think there is character-building value in suffering?

I wouldn’t tell him. Then you will get no comments which will upset you. He may also tell other people. It’s your body, no one else’s.

Depends what people mean by that really.

They make it so you naturally want less and have to use less willpower to diet therefore people find it easier to loose weight.

I don’t see it as a shameful thing. I see it as offering help with what is essentially a societal issue with the types and amount of food available to most of us.

But certainly easier yes.

I actually think it’s more about morality. Fatness is a mark of gluttony, and you should rightly suffer and do penance if you’re going to be slim. WLIs are cheating because you’ve had all the fun with none of the consequences. That’s what I think the root of it is.

You are hiding something fairly significant from him, presumably because you knew you wouldn’t like his opinion, so the relationship is already doomed. You shouldn’t be feeling the need to hide things about yourself right at the start of a new relationship.

He’s allowed his opinion. His opinion is just that, a view that is valid as an opinion. You don’t need to try and change it.

I personally don't think he's wrong. It is cheating. Lack of willpower is a piss poor excuse.

8 months in, unless you are just passing the time with him, I would challenge his perceptions to see if this is how he really feels about people trying to improve their health as it is not a good look to put others down like that and something that would get quite tiresome quickly.

Me, if it was dh back then, I would sit him down and tell him what he said the previous day really upset you. I would tell him he has (I assume!) seen you naked, he knows you are/were, obviously, obese and you have been prescribed weight loss injections as a treatment for that condition and you are taking them to improve your health outlook. You have kept it from people, people who you should be able to trust, exactly because of the social stigma and shaming he displayed last night. Then ask him why he think that way about people who need help?

If he is open to it explain to him about obesity, the treatment and why some people need them. Hopefully educating him will make him reflect on both WLI and how he views other people.

But I am a big one for getting things out in the open with my partner, otherwise what is the point of having one if you can't trust them to be there to support you when you need them.

That's a huge jump @CopperWhite 🤣 Good old MN that dooms my new relationship as I haven't told him I'm using MJ!

I thought the same as him before I started taking the jabs. And then I kept seeing threads pop up on here. I read articles here and there. I processed what posters were saying and the real life impact of how the drug was working for them.

It took about a year to persuade myself to order and get passed the "this sounds too good to be true" solution to getting my eating in check.

So I get where he's coming from.

I think you're right, it's about education @MagnoliaTreePetals . It might come up in conversation again and I think a more information laden response than the one I gave might be a good way forward. He's definitely one to have good conversations with, he learns and changes if he's in agreement.

Edit: I don't feel really upset or shamed at all @WeAllHaveWings Please don't presume.

I don’t think a lot easier for everyone - quite a few slow losers but is a usual tool to kept going and not give up.

Personally, OP if this is a proper relationship with your bf built on a foundation of trust, I wouldn’t keep it secret.

I used to hold the same belief as your bf tbh, so I get where he is coming from too.(And you @BoarBrush).

The notion of ‘cheating’ is a pretty common pov still. It’s fairly accepted now, isn’t it, that it comes from hard wired societal beliefs about gluttony and vanity, and atoning for sins. The drugs really have exploded onto the market at an incredible rate, so it’s unsurprising many people don’t understand them yet.

When I stumbled on an article (it might have been a podcast, I can’t remember) talking about why we think taking WLIs is cheating, it all just clicked. I then found so many pages and pages of positive stories about WLI here on Mumsnet, that I ordered my first dose that very evening. 7 months later I am 5 stone lighter and have a healthy BMI.

I’ve been open IRL about my use of Mounjaro. Most people have been enormously interested, rather than judgemental, and my DH - initially a bit alarmed (and also concerned about ‘cheating’) - got his head round it fairly quickly.

I know my approach has changed some people’s views about WLI and it’s prompted a few of my friends to take that step too. But I also know a couple of people who don’t approve and feel I have cheated (or basically preferred me as the fat friend). I don’t get upset with them because that’s based on their issues, not mine.

The fact is that the results speak for themselves. I’m so proud of the decision I made and my progress. I know I would still be obese, massively unhealthy and unhappy without Mounjaro. Every morning waking up feeling like Jabba The Hutt and vowing today would be a ‘good day’ only to fail by lunchtime. No thank you. I’m not doing that for the rest of my life.

With 1.5 million apparently taking WLI in the UK it will continue to become normalised. 65% of UK adults are overweight, and 1 in 4 obese. This is madness! There are very big questions around the food industry, advertising, medical care and societal setup. It is a very complex issue that goes further than millions of people just being a bit weak willed.

Well done OP 👏🏻. If you do choose to tell him, hopefully he’ll change his mind and be enormously proud of you!

I think I’d be employing the ‘so what’ approach.

He says ‘they’re cheating’ and you say ‘so what?’ He blusters with ‘yeah but’ and you say ‘so what?’ Just stonewall him. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. Literally doesn’t matter a jot. What someone else’s chooses to do has no impact on his life at all, his opinion is worthless.