How are you negotiating Christmas food expectations?

[ICriedAllTheWayToTheChipShop]

Couldn't think how else to phrase it! I will be spending Christmas at my parents' house, and they are very much of the "snacks and meals every 30 minutes" school of thought when it comes to Christmas. In the past I would have been first to the biscuit tin, but now I'll need to make my excuses and I'm not sure what to say that will ward off repeated questioning.

I could say I'm trying to lose weight but then I'll get "But it's Christmas, can't you just have some treats for one day?" Or I could say I'm not hungry, but then I'll be offered something else in another hour or asked if I'm feeling ill.

I know I could always tell them I'm on Mounjaro, but I don't really want to for a variety of reasons. Food and weight is a very complicated and difficult topic around my parents and the things they've said to me over the years about my weight have contributed to my crappy relationship with food. So I'd rather not go into it with them, at least not until I'm a bit nearer my goal.

Does anyone have any cunning tactics planned?

I've similar with relatives. I will probably just take a little bit of whatever it is for a taste and if they comment just change the subject or something.

At recent family meetups mine go to phrases are -

"I've given up fizzy drinks as I've eventually come off my acid reflux meds and fizz makes me uncomfortable - not a bad thing as I was addicted to pepsi max before and its saving me a fortune!"

"I shouldn't have had that big breakfast, I'm stuffed. But they look lovely, I'll try some later" Then change subject.

Or get brutal with those that are pushy -

"Dr wanted to put me on/increase my blood pressure tablets, so trying to lose a bit of weight instead of dying early of heart failure. Thanks for supporting me!"

"can't you just have some treats for one day?"

"I've already enjoyed some treats and they were lovely, thank you", then change the subject

Thankfully, I do not (really) have to face this problem as it’s only DS2 and I at home for various reasons. I may have to ‘nibble’ at a few bits to keep him from noticing too much and perhaps claim that I had some whilst he was elsewhere/ had loads in the kitchen etc.

I do have several meals out with friends over the next few days and am a little worried about those as there’s no way I can eat a standard restaurant/ pub portion! Especially as of the 3 friends at one meal, one is on MJ and another has had a sleeve! 😂

Ooohhh, loving the responses @NoTouch!! Especially the ‘brutal’ version 😂

I got through a work Christmas lunch by just eating a small amount of each course, but I'm not close enough to any of my colleagues for them to either notice or comment. Tbh, I don't think my friends would either because, although they don't know I'm using MH, they know I've struggled with food and weight most of my life so they just wouldn't say anything. Parents have very different attitudes and aren't afraid to voice them!

Thanks @NoTouch I think I can adapt some of those to suit my circumstances!

Could you have had a bit of a noro thing that you're still being cautious after?
Alternatively a bit of illusion might help. Take the biscuit but still have it in your hand when the next snack comes around because you were so busy chatting you forgot to eat it. Or have a bag nearby to hide the snacks in!
Sometimes honesty is more hassle when it's worth. Years back I couldn't drink for a bit because I was on warfarin. I'd get a lot of oh come on, have a drink, what's the worst that could happen so just drank a lot of tonic waters that looked like a G&T to avoid the conversation completely.

It's weird how people want you to join in eating with them, it can make them quite uncomfortable of you don't!

A simple 'no thank you'. Practise in front of a mirror!

And repeat ad nauseam. If people push, just say 'I said no thank you before, nothing has changed since'.

Then if they <really> get pushy, just ask them why do they want to know? It will highlight the ridiculousness of their pushing food on you.

I've noticed people can get quite unnerved when you don't drink / smoke / eat lots. I guess it highlights their own consumption...

Just say that you’ve got a touch of gastritis and everything is giving you heartburn at the moment.

I have said that I'm not hungry, don't fancy it, or I'm fine, before which is well true..

I don't really know what the deal is with my mum, because she's always been slim and she doesn't eat half of what she pushes onto other people. Maybe she really enjoys being the only virtuous one in the family and people who don't play along by being pigs are spoiling the illusion?

So at some moments you can take a snack and then wander out of the room with it and bin it (or flush down the loo if appropriate)
At sit down meals, take a small portion, eat a bit and then mangle the rest and leave it. Or fill your plate with mostly veg/lettuce and small amounts of everything else

A running commentary of upset stomach (explains running to the loo!) and gastritis and doctor told you to limit fats and processed food due to potential problems with your bile duct..complain about getting old..ask how they have managed to stay healthy so long…complain about the state of the NHS…ask about something they will ramble on about…..complain about food prices….ask about something they get very annoyed and will rant about

distract, deflect, deny, disparage, destroy. Its the narcissist playbook and can be useful in certain circumstances

Totally- my MIL is just the same.

Haha, this is enough to put everyone off their food! Funny though.

My poor tummy is still wrecked from recent heavy duty antibiotics ;) ;)

Xmas dinner out with friends tomorrow night which we have preordered. Luckily no one is having starters, so I ordered a starter and side salad for my main - the men won't even notice, and the women know I am working hard at losing weight and they're not the sort that would make any sort of deal about it.

Xmas day I am cooking and it's just me, hubby and kids at home. Boxing day is with my family, and buffet style, so again, probably no one will notice how many times I top up!

I was finishing up the online Xmas food order last night, and took over £100 of food off because dude, I was buying for the sake of it if that makes sense. 1 box of biscuits is fine, I don't need 2 boxes!

Yes this, or some variation of it.

Just keep repeating how (low-level) unwell you feel, maybe that takeaway was dodgy or whatever...and how disappointed you are...you can't eat the treats! If necessary put some of everything in a container every time people tell you to have some, and then you can dispose of it later or 'forget' to take it home.

I'm thinking of putting out some bit of food I would like to eat as well, eg a plate of fruit with the puddings, might make things easier.

Same with drinking alcohol

she's always been slim and she doesn't eat half of what she pushes onto other people. Maybe she really enjoys being the only virtuous one in the family and people who don't play along by being pigs are spoiling the illusion?

This is quite common in people with disordered eating. Anorexic feeders are a thing. Not saying that's your mum but maybe she's a little way along that path.

"I've been having some issues with indigestion recently and can only eat small amounts / can't eat anything too rich / alcohol seems to set it off / mince pies aren't my friend at the moment.
I don't want to spend Christmas being uncomfortable, I'm sure you understand."

Since the heartburn kicked in mid-W3, it's not actually untrue.

She definitely has disordered eating, but I'm not sure it's ever tipped over into a full-blown eating disorder, iyswim. She acts like she hates having a fat daughter, but then tries to get me to eat my body weight in sausage rolls over Christmas. No logic to that at all!

Sometimes I think it can be a little more benign than that. Perhaps their own disordered eating means constant guilt and preoccupation with foods they'd like to eat but know they won't or can't have, or at least not as much as they'd like. Sometimes it might be easier to allow someone they love to have as much as they want of it, and sometimes it might also tip over into being overly concerned about making sure they do have some of it.

https://theconversation.com/why-people-with-eating-disorders-are-often-obsessed-with-food-77509

No thanks.

No thanks.

No thanks.