Feeling sad about missing my parents as wedding approaches

[NorthernLass50]

I’m getting married next month. We’ve been together 15 years and finally decided to do it after not being too bothered about it for years.

We’re having a small simple ceremony; just very close family and friends and drinks/food in a pub after.

Both my parents died some years ago but as I get closer to the wedding, I’m feeling their loss more and more.
Has anyone else been in the same situation?
I’m excited but feel quite sad at times.

Yes my mum passed before I married, I was sad and missed her terribly on the day. Nothing useful I can say, I’m sorry for your loss and congratulations. You can still be happy & miss them at the same time, two things can be true at once.

One, yes. I'm so sorry you've lost both yours. I hope your in-laws are nice people, and maybe ask the MIL to help you with some wedding stuff? She might hesitate to ask, but it would be lovely for you to have that, and get a good relationship. I hope she is ready to love and welcome you. Or SIL/aunties and maybe male relatives to be-you deserve to feel a close relationship. Some people get FIL to walk them down the aisle, which from the old patriarchal nonsense of giving you away is ridiculous, but can be a very meaningful honour. Of course you might have someone in mind for that already, but you could ask FIL to do a speech? And maybe do your own too, honouring your parents. Have you got a bracelet etc from your mum you could wear?

Thank you. I think that’s a good thing to remember - being happy and missing them at the same time x

Thank you. I’m very lucky as I have lovely parents in law to be and get on very well with them.
We were going to walk in together as I didn’t feel I wanted anyone to walk me in if my dad couldn’t be there but we have talked it through. As we can change the ceremony details, we are going to ask FIL which I think he’ll be really pleased about.
I will be wearing some of my mum’s jewellery too. X

Yes my dad died a month after we’d booked the wedding. We’d been engaged for years and together for years before that and he really wanted to see me get married. I took comfort in how happy he sounded when I told him. My brother gave me away and he seemed honoured to do that. I hope you have a lovely wedding x

This is part of the reason me and dp have never got married. It would be so painful to have a room full of 'my people' and nobody there for him. He's never actually expressed that but it just doesn't feel right to me.

I'm sure you'll have a wonderful day and it's great that your in laws are so welcoming. I'd stick with the plan to walk in together, you're not anyone's property to give away.

I think it is very normal and natural to miss key family members at big family occasions. I am sorry you have lost both your parents at a (presumably) relatively young age.

I'm of the age where is is our dc, nieces and nephews getting married, and I still well up a bit, missing my own parents that I lost 25 odd years ago at each of the weddings I've been to in the last few years. It must be very emotional to miss your own parents.
@andfinallyhereweare makes a very good point though that both the happiness and excitement of your wedding days can co-exist with a sadness your Mum and Dad aren't still able to be with you.

This sounds so hard and I'm sorry for your losses.
Can you have something of theirs to keep with you during the day so they are 'there' too? You mention your mum's jewellery which sounds lovely. Do you have anything of your dad's? Or maybe a favourite photo of them that you can have tucked into your bouquet, that no-one else could see but that you'd know was them being there with you.

The photo is a lovely idea, thank you. I wouldn’t have thought of that x

Wearing some of your Mum's jewellery is a lovely touch. You will always miss your parents everyday but especially on special days, but that's not a bad thing because it shows what a good relationship you had with them and how special they made you feel. My sister recently attended a wedding where the bride and groom had a special table with framed photos of special people to them who had passed away but would be badly missed.