Wedding guest list: where do I draw the line?

[wanderingpeach]

Hey, just looking for some advice!

I’m getting married and we’re having a relatively small wedding of around 40–50 people, mainly close family and friends.

My parents are split up, and my dad has been with his partner for around 3–4 years, so obviously she’s invited. The question is whether I should also invite her children and their partners.

My partner and I have met them a few times and get on really well - they’re all lovely, and I’d genuinely be happy to have them there. But because we’re keeping the wedding quite small, I’m unsure whether to invite them when we don’t know them particularly well.

I’ve considered inviting them just to the evening, but they live quite far away, so I’m not sure how realistic it is to expect them to travel that far for just the evening.

I also feel a bit bad for my mum. Apart from 2 family members, there isn’t really anyone else from her side of the family coming. I wouldn’t invite more of her family anyway, as I don’t speak to them and don’t know them well, so it’s not about choosing one side over the other. We’ve also invited my godfathers, who are more on my dad’s/family friend side, so I’m conscious she could feel a bit left out with more people there connected to my dad.

She does know my partner’s parents and some family friends on my dad’s side, although she hasn’t had much contact with them since my parents split up. I’ve also said she could invite a friend.

Then there’s the slightly toxic thought of what if my dad and his partner break up and I end up with all these people in my wedding photos? I know that probably shouldn’t factor into the decision, but it has crossed my mind!

I’m really torn, what would you do?

Hmm, maybe if they'd been together something like 10 years, but 4 years is not very long. If you're planning to have something small and intimate then I probably wouldn't invite them. They're not step-siblings or anything. I'd also want the attendee numbers balanced out more between families, rather than being top heavy with your dad's connections.

Evening invite sounds perfect given you like them but it’s a small wedding and you’ve only met them a few times. It’s a nice gesture and if they decline due to distance then so be it. As for photos you can always give the photographer specific instructions and lists of what you want so pictures with and without your Dad’s partner. And if your mum can take a friend as a +1 that sounds perfect too. Hope you have a lovely day!

In their shoes, I wouldn't expect an invitation, no.

Keep it to your family and friends, not 'your Dad's newish partner's family from a previous relationship'. that's just odd.

(Plus the groom's family and friend, obviously )

I’d probably invite them if you genuinely get along with them and would be happy to have them there. Since it’s only 40–50 people, I’d just focus on who you actually have a relationship with rather than trying to make both sides perfectly even.
And I wouldn’t worry too much about the “what if they break up” thought - you’re making the guest list based on your relationship with them now. 😊

No i wouldn't invite them

I think I'd invite them but I'd also ask the photographer only to have 1 or 2 photos with stepmum.

Do you think they'd invite you to their events?
Ask your Dad quietly what he thinks?

Nah nobody would expect it is it’s a small party. I would speak to her first and let her know you’re thinking before sending in it’s out just be polite

Forget about it being uneven on family sides. Wedding invites should not be about tit for tat or symmetry. They should be about inviting people you like and care about and want to celebrate with.

An evening invite sounds great if you like them but aren’t close enough for the whole thing. You can even send it with a message, either directly or through their mum, to say you would really love to see them there but understand if it’s too far.

Also your photographer will be able to subtly manoeuvre people for the photos if you let them know your priorities and wishes.