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Original poster

Uninvited from Hen Do

53 replies

Sybll · 23/05/2025 12:38

My friend gets married April 2026 and I am her MOH.

I found out 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant (which was planned and she knew we were trying). Her hen do isn’t planned or booked however I know she was aiming for February 2026.

I have told her I’m pregnant, way earlier than I would’ve liked but I wanted to give her plenty notice to see if we could plan the hen do for a different month as I am due at the end of January. I suggested bringing it forward to this year as she would like an ‘away hen’ and doing a night out in March next year when I’ll not be pregnant. She was all up for this however her other bridesmaids didn’t want to bring it forward therefore I suggested a date in March as suggested by the bride, this was agreed to then be told later on March is too close to the wedding and they’re sorry but the hen do will be in February as planned.

I can’t help but be upset about the situation, I know it’s her day and I’m biting my tongue because I don’t want to make it about me but I feel I should tell her that I am upset? I have tried to work it around me being pregnant by bringing it forward or pushing it back and now I’m not really sure where I fit in, I know it was my choice to become pregnant but I genuinely thought we could’ve made it work and we would have if it wasn’t for the other bridesmaids not wanting to bring it forward..

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 23/05/2025 12:42

Honestly I think you just have to let this one go. You might feel very unlike going to a hen do in the third trimester anyway. You probably won't be up for it in March either when you will still have a newborn who you probably want to leave for the evening.

Do something nice like a spa or afternoon tea with her as a two. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/05/2025 12:43

Yeah, you are being a bit unreasonable. Of course you're disappointed, that's natural. Look at it this way, you have the choice between two lovely events but you can only do one.

Put on your brave face for the hen do - arrange a you and a bride thing instead. Concentrate on your wonderful pregnancy news.

scoobysnaxx · 23/05/2025 12:44

I don’t think YABU.

as the maid of honour it’s be upset to. Not necessarily pissed off but upset.

especially as nothing has been agreed/booked/paid for.

Obviously balancing everyone’s dates and commitments is hard and the nightmarish part (one of them) of planning a hen.

as the bride, I’d try my hardest to arrange it around you, that’s just me.

her other hens might have other commitments or maybe they’re just being stick in the muds…

However if the date still stands in February and she’s still expecting you to plan it, sod that. Someone else can take on that job.

concentrate on planning for your baby - congratulations OP xxx

AlorsTimeForWine · 23/05/2025 12:44

No yanbu to be upset and hurt.

If it were me, I would want to accommodate my pregnant best friend and as the bride i'd tell the other BMs to wind their necks in.

Am I right in assuming none of them have kids and you are the first?

As an fyi it is VANISHINGLY unlikely you'll go post birth so really it needs to be before

TenderChicken · 23/05/2025 12:44

You are making it a bit about you... and being rather dramatic by saying you've been uninvited. You haven't, you will just be busy with something else!

Mynewnameis · 23/05/2025 12:46

Oh come on, it's not all about you.
You can't make it by your choice to have a baby.

ExceedinglyCharacteristic · 23/05/2025 12:47

TenderChicken · 23/05/2025 12:44

You are making it a bit about you... and being rather dramatic by saying you've been uninvited. You haven't, you will just be busy with something else!

This. Organising hen dos appears to be a logistical nightmare, and sometimes you just need to deal with one person being unavailable

Mrsttcno1 · 23/05/2025 12:47

You’re being extremely unreasonable, her hen do- kindly- is not about you. If you can’t go then you can’t go, but it’s her day and she doesn’t have to change it to suit you.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 23/05/2025 12:50

I would never expect an event for someone else to be rearranged around me, and I’d be shocked and disappointed if one of my friends did.

PurpleThistle7 · 23/05/2025 12:51

I appreciate that it’s disappointing but this is just the first of many things you’ll be missing as a parent. Harsh but true. You have lots of conflicting priorities right now and asking a group of people to work around you isn’t fair. It’s actually super likely they could plan all around you and you wouldn’t be able to go anyway - 3rd trimester can be a wild time and post birth even more so. I wouldn’t ask anyone to have planned around me for those months as it’s impossible to know what will actually happen

TallulahBetty · 23/05/2025 12:52

You haven't been uninvited at all. I'd be disappointed too, but

Calliopespa · 23/05/2025 12:53

Yes I’m afraid I think YABU op. Definitely.

You’re pregnant and it’s a spanner in the works of the bride’s timings. I’m not suggesting it’s unreasonable for you to now not want to go along with the original plan, but you can’t expect it all to reschedule to just to revolve around you.

If I were her I’d be happy for you for your pregnancy but would accept it sort of takes you out of the party circuit for quite some months. I’d be trying to press on with the others too; you don’t know how soon you’ll be ready to travel to a hen do after having a baby.

AzureShark · 23/05/2025 12:53

Yabvu.

Expecting all the others to just bring an abroad hen do forward is unrealistic, unfair and tbph you were a bit of a CF to expect it.

The cost would probably be more as shorter notice. People might have used their 2025 holiday allowance. People might not be able to afford it with less time to pay.

Booking for March 2026 is pointless, chances of you going after giving birth are miniscule anyway.

SJM1988 · 23/05/2025 12:54

You're not uninvited, you are unable to go when the hen do is by your choice to get pregnant.
It's not your hen do so I think trying to rearrange it for when suits you is unreasonable. Ultimately it is up to the bride when she wants her hen do.
Its reasonable to feel upset about not making it.

OurManyEnds · 23/05/2025 12:54

I think bringing it forward is a big ask as people may not be able to find the money that much earlier.

I see why you feel left out…you are but for a good reason! Honestly you won’t care about this in six months or a year or two.

middleagedandinarage · 23/05/2025 12:55

Honestly, I think you are being unreasonable! No way should she have to change the hen to suit you because you're pregnant, if it meant that much to you maybe you should of waited to try for a baby.

dreamingbohemian · 23/05/2025 12:55

Going on a hen do away at 6 weeks postpartum is massively optimistic anyway

I think yabu to make her hen all about you.

middleagedandinarage · 23/05/2025 12:55

SJM1988 · 23/05/2025 12:54

You're not uninvited, you are unable to go when the hen do is by your choice to get pregnant.
It's not your hen do so I think trying to rearrange it for when suits you is unreasonable. Ultimately it is up to the bride when she wants her hen do.
Its reasonable to feel upset about not making it.

Exactly this!

Calliopespa · 23/05/2025 12:55

OurManyEnds · 23/05/2025 12:54

I think bringing it forward is a big ask as people may not be able to find the money that much earlier.

I see why you feel left out…you are but for a good reason! Honestly you won’t care about this in six months or a year or two.

and you won’t even want to go once the baby is here

middleagedandinarage · 23/05/2025 12:57

Being honest I think the bride has more reason to be upset that her hen was planned and her MOH has got herself pregnant and due a few weeks before

ShaunaSadeki · 23/05/2025 12:57

I think YABU, I can seen why you are disappointed but you haven’t been uninvited, you can no longer make it.

user1492757084 · 23/05/2025 12:58

Sad, but you will be busy in Feb.
You will not feel like going. They will be fine without you.
It would be poor form to complain when they did try to change it about.

Why not just have a lazy spa afternoon in your mid pregnancy after shopping for wedding shoes and having a dress fitting with your friend and the other bridesmaids?

Yeoldlondoncheese · 23/05/2025 13:00

Mrsttcno1 · 23/05/2025 12:47

You’re being extremely unreasonable, her hen do- kindly- is not about you. If you can’t go then you can’t go, but it’s her day and she doesn’t have to change it to suit you.

Exactly this and I’m gobsmacked at the previous replies saying the bride should accommodate you. I’ve read on here so many threads where an OP asks if they’re being unreasonable for wanting to pull out of hens, weddings or being in the wedding party because they didn’t realise how exhausted, ill, inconvenient, difficult etc it was going to be with a newborn or whilst pregnant.

TumbledTussocks · 23/05/2025 13:01

You’ve honestly had a massive reprieve.

Late pregnancy/ early new baby time and hens just don’t mix. You may fancy it now but it’s less likely you will when the time comes around.

It's a shame but pregnant and getting married friends period is full of absences as everyone’s doing one or the other.

Jackiebrambles · 23/05/2025 13:01

Yeah don’t tell her you are upset. Suck it up, your plans have understandably changed. They can’t move the hen just for you!