Canceling wedding with a month to go

[Weddingname457]

There’s no reason I should cancel my wedding but my gut feeling is to run. We’ve been together for years and I love him but something is stopping me from taking that next step. He’s a very nice, stable person, he works hard, and is a diamond really. I wouldn’t find anyone better.

Anybody had this feeling but gone through with it anyway, or know why I might be having these ‘run away’ feelings?

That sounds difficult for you. have you spoken to anyone in real life about it?
I think those feelings are normal, sometimes they're normal nerves, sometimes more. if you want to cancel the wedding, you can do, it's up to you.

My best friends sister was getting married and her groom didn't turn up in the day. About a month later they married quietly withjust a couple of strangers off the street there. He couldn't cope with the thought of everyone watching him. Over 25 years ago and they still seem happy. Are you nervous of actually getting married rather than being g married to him iyswim?

Yes and I think because I am a bit of an indecisive person, people just think I’m being ‘me’, coupled with the fact he’s a genuinely good guy- I’ve tended to get encouraged to go through with it. I don’t think it’s indecision, we got engaged and then had to plan the whole thing. Theres this fear and panic about the whole thing- committing to this one person is terrifying me. I also have more assets and so a bit more to lose if we do divorce which isn’t helping.

I think it’s definitely something about the act of marriage, the finality of it. I don’t want to not be with him but it’s that next step which is suddenly terrifying and bringing out all his faults (which I already knew about but suddenly they are heightened- and they also aren’t real flaws).

I don’t know what the answer is but do want to say that I never had any feelings remotely similar to this when I married my husband. I had no doubts and was just really excited on the run up to our wedding (our wedding was just the two of us though).

Deep down do you feel like it is just cold feet? Or is there more to it?

I do think there’s more to it. I think what I find difficult is that I should not be feeling like this. I feel so lucky to have found such a great guy, and I can’t unpick why I’m so fearful.

Likewise, I never had any doubts.

How would you feel if it got cancelled beyond your control and you both carried on as you were, with the option to walk away at any point?

He might be great on paper but do you gel, do you make each other better people?

Are you already living together? Any children?

I had this a week before..I thought it would change how I felt about my partner. It didn’t.Still happily together 40 years later.

OP, I could have written this. Wedding was booked for August this year, cancelled due to DP having a heart attack, no interest in rearranging but can’t put my finger on why.

What we're your past relationships like? Do you think because he's a good guy you have a certain level of you don't deserve this or it can't be real because nobody could really be just a fantastic guy?!

I had that feeling before my wedding but it was due to past relationships being cheated on, basically rubbish blokes who hurt me and felt I didn't deserve someone who was actually a amazing kind guy who loved me. But it was conditioning. I unpicked it with a counselling before I got married.

Don't get me wrong like any couple he can drive me barmy sometimes but he's still that amazing guy 10 years of marriage on.

Op do you u think you could talk to him and tell him you’re not afraid of being with him, it’s the marriage thing? I don’t think life has to be do it or all ends (although he might be of that opinion, I don’t know him)

We’ve lived together for seven years now and no children- but were hoping to start TTC at some point!

Did you go through with it? What do you think it was?

can you imagine life without him?

Potentially this! Maybe some counseling would be beneficial.

It’s strange isn’t it! I have no interest being with anyone else yet the marriage step terrifies me. @HelenWheels no I love having him in my life- most of the time ha! He does drive me mad half the time but I think that’s normal in all relationships? I have started to fixate on some of the things but I think as a justification to run.

I think you need to talk to someone in RL and fast. Ultimately though if your gut is telling you no, don't do it

What's your financial position? If you want children you should view marriage as a safeguard and legal protection rather than a romantic lifelong commitment necessarily. Unless you have money and earning power and he doesn't!!

She shouldn't be having children with someone she doesn't want to marry!

You call him nice and say that you won't get anyone better. You're settling and you know it. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but if you were really ok with it, why do you want to cancel the wedding? Maybe because you're not.....

That's quite a statement to make. She's not even sure why she doesn't want to marry him. Some people commit and have children and never want to be married. I'm just pointing out that if she plans to stay with him and have children then the marriage part isn't a romantic fantasy it's a contract.

You've been together for quite a while. What made you decide to get married now?

I think this weighing on me! We want children- which I know will then potentially reduce my earnings but I have much more pre marital money and inheritance. And from what I’ve seen that should be protected but not necessarily. I think without having children our earning potential would be very similar.

He proposed and I suppose there’s two reasons 1) so we are a family unit and 2) for legal protection if one of us gets in an accident, or for passing on pensions etc.