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Original poster

Small wedding

33 replies

Lutricia007 · 11/01/2025 16:09

We getting married October 2025…small intimate wedding for 35 people. Our wedding night we staying in a near by hotel which is walking distance from the venue.

we not doing reception only ceremony , photos , few nibles glass of champagne 🥂 ect.

now few couple saying that they would love to stay in the same hotel over night + for drinks after the wedding in a hotel and possible dinner/ meal. Wedding itself would be finished 5pm latest.

i don’t know how to feel about it? In many ways yes it would be nice to mingle have drinks dinner ect but then i am thinking that would devalue my special day ? I can go out with them for drinks when ever but after the wedding i feel like it’s little bit akward ( maybe i am not to good explaining how i am feeling )

I just want to have intimate ceremony, pictures & then rest is up to the quest where they staying or what they doing after

I don’t mind breakfast in the morning with anyone who would stay in the same hotel.

Do I make sense ?

OP posts:
NOTANUM · 11/01/2025 16:17

Hmmmm I’m on the fence here.

Usually I think the couple can choose what they want to do but what I’m hearing from your guests here is that they want to celebrate more with you than the drinks and photos.

35 guests is a LOT for a no fuss wedding. If I really wanted that, I’d get it done with witnesses and then go to the pub.

If the lack of a ceremony is driven by cost, I’d ask people to contribute or do pizza etc.

To me, you’re asking people to come a distance and pay for a hotel for a drink and photos. They want to make it “worth their while”.

Personally I would rethink.

StormingNorman · 11/01/2025 16:24

Tell them to go ahead without you and you’ll see everyone at breakfast. Everyone will need dinner anyway if you’re doing drinks and nibbles.

TinyMouseTheatre · 12/01/2025 08:16

If the Wedding is far enough away from where you live and presumably far enough away from where your guests live that you all need to stay in a Hotel and there are 35 guests, firstly it's not a small intimate Wedding and secondly, you'd be hugely unreasonable to expect everyone to disappear at teatime if they've travelled to see you get married.

I think you may need to reconsider what it is you want from your Day. Most of the best Weddings are those where the needs of the guests are a priority.

Movinghouseatlast · 14/01/2025 16:37

I also think this isn't a small wedding.

If they have travelled and paid to stay in a hotel then a meal is in order .

BigDahliaFan · 14/01/2025 16:40

TinyMouseTheatre · 12/01/2025 08:16

If the Wedding is far enough away from where you live and presumably far enough away from where your guests live that you all need to stay in a Hotel and there are 35 guests, firstly it's not a small intimate Wedding and secondly, you'd be hugely unreasonable to expect everyone to disappear at teatime if they've travelled to see you get married.

I think you may need to reconsider what it is you want from your Day. Most of the best Weddings are those where the needs of the guests are a priority.

This really.

mumonthehill · 14/01/2025 16:42

People are going to have to eat and it is unusual to have a wedding with 35 people and not really feed them. I think if you really do not want to see everyone after 5pm then you may need to move hotels and not tell anyone.

BigDahliaFan · 14/01/2025 16:43

I think what people are saying is that they'd like a 'bit of a do'. On the one hand you might be quite happy if all your guests got together and booked a meal at the hotel you are staying in and had a nice get together while you sat at a different table or ate upstairs....

But they've come to see you get married, are, presumably, wanting to see other people there, and you...so why not have a nice dinner with them and then go up to your room early...

I think it's the people there who make a wedding special...

Or, scale it back and just have your witnesses.

zeibesaffron · 16/01/2025 00:20

I agree with the others - 35 people isn’t intimate and if you are expecting people to travel to be with you on your special day - you need to think about your guests after 5.

Do they know each other? can they book a table and have a celebration meal while you leave early? Or is it a close venue so most can go home?

Reallyneedsaholiday · 16/01/2025 00:23

When I got married, we didn't have an evening party. Everyone we wanted to invite was at the ceremony and afternoon reception. But we had friends who had travelled and we all went out for an evening meal (everyone paid for themselves). I didn't even sit with my husband, we mingled with our own friends. We loved it. But that was "us" and YOU need to do what's right for you.

Disneyrunner · 16/01/2025 03:55

Would it not feel a bit strange for your guests to stay at the same hotel and eat & drink together without you? To my mind you'd be missing your own celebration!
I know you said you can hang out with them anytime but actually once you're married it's your husband / wife you see all the time ;)

LoyalSheep · 16/01/2025 03:58

I got married last oct 8 guest we had 4 were my kids my dad mil my bro and sis went bk mine after for food and drinks thats it was an amazing day

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 16/01/2025 04:10

So would you have room service while your guests celebrate at dinner?!

It doesn't really work, either scale it back to witnesses only or have dinner. If people are travelling and staying over it's an odd set up.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 16/01/2025 04:21

I had an even smaller wedding (25 guests) but I did feed them! Weddings are expensive to attend and I think feeding people is a pretty basic requirement. People obviously want to celebrate with you, so make it easy and comfortable for them. Nibbles just wouldn't cut it for me, but a buffet or pub lunch would be great.

user1492757084 · 16/01/2025 04:40

You could feel uncomfortable staying there and not joining the guests who have all travelled to your wedding.
Consider joining them and paying for their meals (or at least one round of drinks)

Go up early and keep the rest of the weekend for yourselves.

estya · 16/01/2025 06:08

The clue is in the name. You have 35 "guests".
You've asked them to come so you need to host them.

Ohshutupcolinyoutwat · 16/01/2025 06:14

Have to say I agree with everybody else. Even just a handful of people I think it is rude not to feed them, nibbles won't be enough. We had a similar amount when we married a few years ago, second wedding and only wanted nearest and dearest. We had the ceremony and sit down meal then everybody went their own separate ways so DH and i had the evening to ourselves.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 16/01/2025 06:42

Sorry yes I agree with most other posters. 35 is not a small intimate wedding. If it helps, we married at 3pm and had drinks and wedding cake after it. Then (due to illness) we went home, meeting up at 8pm in our local hotel for a meal. This way it did still feel quite small and intimate (22 people) and was a very relaxed day. Bet of both worlds really. Can’t expect people to travel and not eat and celebrate with you.

Simplelobsterhat · 16/01/2025 06:45

I'm a bit torn on this. I'm all for cheaper, less traditional weddings and doing what you want, but 35 is a lot to invite if you don't want a fuss. One thing I would say is that if you are having an evening meal with some guests, surely you'd need to invite all the wedding guests to that, unless these were people you would obviously be closer to...

E.g I went to a colleagues church wedding and the reception was a substantial buffet in the church hall, then home late afternoon. I know their familes and the wedding party also went for a meal in a hotel later. That was fine as I hadn't travelled, it was a lovely reception in the church hall and i would have expected to be a 'second tier' guest as not that close - would also have been happy with an evening only invite if they'd done things that way round instead.
BUT if a member of my close family or a best friend had me to the ceremony and then I found out they were having an evening meal with the people who happened to stay in the same hotel as them / suggest it to them but not me, I'd be hurt.
So it does partly depend who the people involved are.

Are people staying in a hotel for a treat or because they are travelling a long way for your wedding? If it's the second I think not having a meal is a bit cheeky. And I guess may opinion would depend on what you mean by nibbles really, how substantial? It doesn't need to be a fancy sit down meal, a buffet would be fine, but I think it should be enough to be a meal. Otherwise it sounds very quick they are travelling and dressing up for just being in some photos really. However if they are all local, the dress code isn't likely to cost them money and the hotel is just something they fancy doing, then fair enough to stick to your plan, that's up to them.

CosyLemur · 16/01/2025 07:16

35 is not a small intimate wedding!

SlebBB · 16/01/2025 07:18

50 guests is average now, 35 isn’t intimate.
Choose somewhere for the ceremony without onsite accommodation.

TinyMouseTheatre · 16/01/2025 07:33

50 guests is average now

I didn't know this. I can imagine though with the boats of everything the days of 200-300 at a wedding are gone for most people unless they're wealthy, prepared to go into serious debt or can arrange most things on a shoestring.

evtheria · 16/01/2025 07:52

Agreed with others in that I think staying overnight altogether at the hotel etc. should include a meal for your guests.

Wildwalksinjanuary · 16/01/2025 07:52

I have never really heard of a wedding with no food whatsoever, and to try and be rid of the guests as soon as possible. It doesn’t sound very hospitable! I too think you need a rethink. You either want the guests there, and make them welcome or you don’t.

Of course you are going to feel awkward at a dinner on the day of your wedding that is paid for and organised by the guests!

crumblingschools · 16/01/2025 07:56

If you expect people to travel then you need to feed them. We had a small wedding and no evening do but we did feed our guests

Cam1981 · 16/01/2025 07:59

I think you need to ask yourself why you are inviting guests ? You don’t want to feed them. You don’t want to mingle with them after the wedding you want them gone as soon as possible? It doesn’t sound like you want them there. In that case just have witnesses or go and elope somewhere.