What makes a good wedding

[supertayto66]

Thinking back to weddings you have been a guest at.... If you considered it a great wedding, what made it so great? The food, the music, something special that was arranged by the couple?

I think a wedding is good when it’s not very demanding to guests.
My list of demanding things:
destination wedding, midweek wedding, wedding with lots of travel to and in between parts, child free wedding, wedding with a THEME, wedding with long breaks, and wedding with not enough food/ drinks.

Not too long ago day so either mid/late afternoon start or early finish.
Plenty of food served regularly
Plenty of serving staff
Couple don't disappear
No weird bit in the middle with nothing to do
Easily accessible venue or reasonable accommodation/parking
Plenty of seating
Not too expensive for drinks

It's hard to explain but the most joyful wedding I've ever been to (and I'm 61 years old so have been to loads!) was my nephew's. It had around 50 nearest and dearest family and friends. Every part of it was surprising, from my great neice walking down the aisle as a flower girl with a message to my nephew (her uncle) saying last chance to run because Aunty L** is behind me!. Then the bride, and her chief bridesmaid who used to sing in an operatic society together, sang acapella my dad's favourite song which he used to sing to my mam and sister who are all dead. And they had a string quartet playing Sweet Child of Mine and some Metallica. And they ran and danced down the aisle together to "We Go Together" from Grease, played by the string quartet. But at the reception at a lovely country hotel, I was outside enjoying a cigar with my nephews and brothers in laws (our tradition on special family occasions) the manager came up before he was leaving and said in over 20 years this was the most lovely wedding he had ever been part of. The atmosphere was fantastic. I was with my nephew when the DJ came up and said thanks so much for a great night. My mate is dj'ing in the marquee outside with a bridezilla and I've never stopped laughing with you lot. So I think the most important thing is your guest list. Keep it to the people you love most and who love you too. Don't fall into the "you have to invite them" tropes. Just surround yourself in the people you love most and are your ride or die persons.

I love a party in the evening. Good DJ and everybody there to enjoy themselves.

I suspect everyone expects there to be photos.

What used to happen was, for an hour or slightly longer after the ceremony, everyone would be involved in some group photos, then as the photographer took some of the B&G (with parents / bridesmaids / etc /etc , guests could also take a few snaps, and were involved.

What seems to happen more and more now is the photographer wants to direct the day, rather than just record it.
It is becoming more common for the photographer to take the B&G off somewhere and no-one sees them for a couple of hours.

No, no-one would be against 45 mins of photos.

Food!! Last wedding we went to, we were evening guests. It turned out we were two of four people who hadn't been invited all day. We weren't fed anything other than a tiny piece of wedding cake. I wasn't impressed. Especially when that couple had attended our wedding two years prior and they were two of about 80 evening guests and they were fed very well. Might as well have not invited us. We got them a very generous gift too.

Sounds obvious but pick a venue that suits your wedding party size - not just the room you're eating in, and where possible have the bar/drinks in the main room. Went to one wedding where there were so many different areas the wedding party dispersed into different rooms and outdoor areas and the main room was empty. Had no atmosphere what so ever. Have the venue close areas off if need be.

Consider outdoor areas and how the space can be used if the weather is nice. People tend to gravitate outside on warm evenings - can a bar be set up outside/the band be set up there... not always possible but think about how to keep people together.

People will remember the atmosphere/experience more than anything.

Speeches after the meal! When you've gone to a lunchtime ceremony, then pictures, then getting to the reception and milling around you want to have something to eat, not sit through endless speeches (especially ones that go on and on and its more than just groom/father of bride and best man)

Make sure the speeches are audible, so ask venue to borrow a microphone. Trying to hear what people are saying while being hungry is not fun!

At ours we didn't do after dinner food as meal was at 4:30/5ish and couldn't afford the extra cost for a buffet people may or may not eat, but what seemed to go down well was we provided a couple of boxes of crisps for people to help themselves to (by go down well I mean people ate them!)

Also some thought for the table drinks for soft drinkers/drivers, don't just provide wine as table drinks, a nice soft drink option too.

Thank you cards/notes issued not too long after the event

A ceilidh

Not being invited is the best result I hope for.

I find them dull beyond belief and do everything I can to avoid them. I’d rather watch paint dry.

As soon as I get wind of a possible date I make sure I have something clashing in my diary that can’t be changed.

the whole thing to be over in 5 hours max Short meaningful ceremony
followed by nice light food if waiting for photos in an area where there is plenty of relaxed seating tea and coffe as well as soft drinks and alcohol
main meal served up quickly where you are seated in such a way that you don’t have to make small talk with strangers
short speeches
no evening do
wave off the bride and groom
go home

I like quite informal weddings. Everyone relaxing and enjoying themselves. I'm not keen on endless rules, schedules etc.

No greedy grabby asking for high value presents and lots of cash. People should gift what they can afford. If the couple don't have much to spend that's cool. So also I don't expect lots of fancy things at a wedding.

Plenty of free flowing booze, a nice mix of people who are willing to mingle and chat with folks they might not know. Light-hearted banter and people moving around chatting to everyone.

Good music, maybe a band or choir or decent DJ or all 3! Singers but not cheesy ones like Arg from Towie. 🤢

Food at weddings always seems a let down. I think I've learned not to pay much attention to that part as it's too hard to cater for these events and make every guest happy.

It shouldn't drag on too long. Big long ceremony, loads of speeches etc. unfortunately that stuff can get extremely tedious!

But most of all I'm always honoured to be invited. And if the bride and groom had a nice day and it was to their taste then that's really all that matters. ❤️

Somewhere to sit and chill when photos are getting taken. I hate standing around in heals, just so uncomfortable.

A good band playing a mix of music and people who dance.

All of your family and friends together.

Music and dancing.

Buffet - at our wedding we had a lot of food left over as our caterers over cated, but rather that than the wedding we went to where we had wedding breakfast at about 3pm and NO more food for the rest of the day. There were people there just for the evening reception and all day attendees like ourselves. We had ti buy food on the way back to the hotel!

My two favourite weddings were worlds apart but the things they had in common were the most important-they'd thought about their guests!

Enough food.
No standing about waiting for things.
Nobody was going to get cold or bored or fed up.
A reasonably priced bar, free fizz on the tables.

One of the weddings was a no expense spared country house type thing. Fancy dress theme but not compulsory. !3:00 beautiful service. An hour or so to chat to one another with a drink. Sit down meal, speeches but they didn't go on long. Photos but included everyone and canapes/fizz/soft drinks available.

The other was a done-on-the-cheap-because-bride-was-pregnant one.

Ceremony was quick, then straight to venue where there was an endless buffet-nothing fancy but bridesmaids kept replenishing it until nobody was getting up, I loved this, sometimes I can eat and then realise I am hungry again an hour later-especially with alcohol involved.

Traditional Ceilidh dancing and then drinks/music. Fizz on tables, bar in same room. Affordable accomodation.

Please forgive me, but the best weddings for me are the ones I don't go to!

I know that many people love them, but sadly there are many who don't so all the gizmos, and food means nothing but a long, boring, tiring day that happens to a formula that is replicated at every single wedding I've ever been to.

However, the weddings of immediate family are fabulous. Everyone knows everyone and it's a great opportunity to catch up.

The worst possible scenario is to be seated at a table of six or eight (friends not family), where we are all strangers. It can be exhausting trying to keep a conversation going when we have little in common.

But hey, maybe I'm just an old grouch at this stage of my life!

Wow, that was incredibly rude of them!

A good wedding for me is one I can relax at. My brother's wedding was awful for me because I felt I had a lot of things to do, and I couldn't enjoy it at all. Last year, one of my friends decided to hire cigar roller for his wedding. It was weird at first, but it ended up being a highlight of the party. I loved it, cigars are really relaxing.

Place to mingle/sit/be offered or buy drinks after the ceremony before the meal while photos are taken.
If you can’t afford a free bar (completely understandable) pick somewhere with reasonable prices for your guests.
If you’re having evening guests remember that they might not have been able to eat for a while and will be hungrier than your day guests, so waiting ages for a buffet will be tough for them. You could have crisps or nibbles on the tables that to tide them over.
Also make sure extra chairs/tables are added for evening guests. I’ve been to evening receptions and had to stand up all evening- we’ve left two or three hours after we arrived!
If you do bacon butties instead of a buffet make sure you’ve got something for vegetarians. I’ve been to a couple of evening receptions where I just had a bread roll, which was crap!

Plenty of great food
Some free drinks and the rest reasonably priced
Great music and dancefloor
Speeches that are not too long and genuinely heartfelt and funny
Great seating plan so that people have good conversation and laughs

We went to a brilliant wedding recently. Best things about it were:

1. Short humanist wedding - didn't drag on for ages, very funny service with just the right amount of romantic moosh
2. A guard of honour outside for the bridge and groom where we all had photos taken - they came down the line as we all blowed bubbles they'd provided us with
3. Plenty of food (inc good vegetarian options)
4. Free bar - lovely, but completely unexpected and not abused by anyone. I thought we might get a free drink with the food, but was surprised that her dad picked up the tab.
5. The best bit was we'd all been asked to submit music choices in advance, so we all got our favourite tunes to dance to
6. A seating plan which meant that friends/families were seated together, which meant the conversation and laughs flowed. Nothing worse than being split up and having to make stilted and polite conversation with people you don't know like you're at a conference.

No, I think queuing up with tickets is very tacky. Either have a proper free bar, or don't bother. We fought that battle with one of our son's future MIL. We were paying for it, so we insisted. No one took advantage, and everyone enjoyed themselves, and it didn't't cost as much as we expected.

I’ve been to a wedding at a different zoo and it was great for just this reason. Got to wonder around the zoo whilst the room was changed over and the photographs were done. Although we did look slightly overdressed for a day at the zoo. I had taken some flat shoes with me at least so I wasn’t tottering around on heels.

Not starting ridiculously early (a 12 o’ clock wedding is completely unreasonable). 2pm is a great time.
Keeping it local and on a weekend, so guests don’t have to take days off work or travel too far.
Good food (we gave our guests the choice of three staters/mains/desserts) and drink (we provided drinks for the day guests, then put money behind the bar and gave everyone (including evening guests) drinks tokens for the evening, so everyone got drinks on us, without people taking the mick.
Some form of entertainment (especially for that lull between the wedding breakfast and the evening starting). We hired a magician, which went down really well. Good DJ.
Don’t waste money on pointless things. People don’t notice/care!