Walking yourself down the aisle?

[Skyhu]

Has anyone walked themselves down the aisle?

Would be intrigued to hear people's reflections on this.

Context:

• My dad left my mum when I was a baby and has been in and out of my life growing up. Stayed at his for the odd weekend, never saw him as a father figure. Now we see each other about twice a year as a formality
• I have a step-dad who has done more than he needed to for me. That being said, I don't know if I see him as a father figure either (see next bullet point)
• My mum met my step dad when I was 14. From then until I left home, my mum would leave me home alone (no siblings or other family) for days whilst she went on dates with my step dad. As a teenager, this was a lot to deal with and left me with an eating disorder and all sorts of other issues now as an adult.

I'm on decent enough terms with all three of my parents now. Have never spoken to them about the above as I know they would be defensive and the conversation just isn't worth the hassle. Despite this, my Dad expects to walk me down the aisle, and I know my stepdad will be hurt if I don't ask him. There's the option of course to ask my mum, but I frankly don't know if I want to ask any of them.

So I'm considering walking myself, could be an empowering move in this day in age. But don't want to look back and regret it, also don't want people to pitty me on the day

Would love to hear your thoughts

thanks!

I would tell them all that you are doing away with patriarchal traditions, and rather than being delivered to a man by your relatives, you and your fiancé will walk in together.

But I would do that anyway.

I did. My father is dead and I wasn't keen on the idea of being given away. If he had been alive, I wouldn't have taken that moment away from him but as he wasn't, I wasn't going to nominate another relative to do so as my mother wanted (she didn't want to do it). So I just walked in with my bridesmaids behind me.

Only thing I would say is that I thought I was walking slowly but obviously not slowly enough as we had quite a lot of music left when I got to DH!

we walked down together, it was the priest's idea, our children were behind us

Honestly OP it's really quite arrogant for either your father or step father to expect anything or to have this role on your day.

I see it as bit of a privilege really and one you need not bestow on either.
In your place I would absolutely walk myself down and be very proud of it.

I was married many years ago and slightly cringe at my father "handing me over" to my DH. I've got a good relationship with him but if I was doing it all over again I wouldn't ask him or expect him to - would happily walk myself down!

DH and I walked in together. I don't have any sort of back story, I have a great relationship with my dad. It just didn't occur to me that I should walk in with my dad. Years later I realised and asked him if he minded. He said that he didn't mind at all, if I had been "given" to DH it was years earlier.

I went to a wedding recently where the bride walked herself down, I don't think people gave it a second thought tbh. I doubt people are that interested.

I walked down with DH, but it was quite a small informal wedding.

I walked down with my hubby-to-be and our little girl. For us, that represented to the joining of us as a family.
My dad attended but I don't agree with the patriarchal tradition of "giving the bride away." He did a lovely reading.

DH and I arrived together and walked down the aisle together- wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Really, why weird?

DH and I drove to the venue together and walked into the ceremony together. Second time around but I'm not a believer in in being 'given away'.

Sounds wonderful!

Love this thread! Shout out to people not sheeple!

Wow thank you everyone for your responses.
I hadn't even considered the idea of both my partner and I walking down together! Also didn't realise how popular of a choice it is! Definitely an idea I'll put to him!

We both have minimal relationships with our families for different reasons, so our relationship is very much "us against the world". Walking down together would fit this vibe ☺️

You weren’t at the Harry & Meghan were you?

@FrequentlyAskedQuestion There are many patriarchal traditions we did away with; throwing of the bouquet, only men speeches etc.

I walked in with my husband too. Was very special to see each other alone first.

My DiL walked in by herself, didn’t want to be given away and in her words, wanted the eyes on her not anyone else. I admired her decision, she has a tricky relationship with her dad and it felt right to all of us.

Other patriarchal traditions we didn't follow...surname change for bride only, bride change of title, quite a few when you add it all up!

My uncle walked me down the aisle to meet my dh, myself and my dh really looks up to my uncle who is an amazing role model to us all and it felt special to have him keep me company before walking down the aisle, my mum walked down the aisle with my bridesmaid and flower girls.

@2chocolateoranges Was your dad there too?

I walked myself down the aisle. Dad was wheelchair bound and to be honest, I didn’t feel he’d earned that right from his total lack of parenting. Plus, I didn’t need anyone to ‘give me away.’ Felt very natural on the day.

My DH and I walked down together. Much more us.

What did you do for surnames?
A whole other can of worms but due to difficult relationships on both sides, we want away with both of our surnames, and are just making up our own!
Going to go with the name of a place we visited together and loved

I walked myself as my dad had died a few months before. I found it positive and it’s optically it’s nice to be in the centre of the aisle rather than side on to a man, even if they are family. But I am pretty feminist in general.

Short aisle might have helped too 😆

I also spoke at the wedding.

I would go for it OP.

@Skyhu Both hubby and I added on to double-barrel. No way was I taking on his name if he wasn't going to take mine! 😂