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Original poster

Walking yourself down the aisle?

86 replies

Skyhu · 30/10/2024 18:50

Has anyone walked themselves down the aisle?

Would be intrigued to hear people's reflections on this.

Context:

  • My dad left my mum when I was a baby and has been in and out of my life growing up. Stayed at his for the odd weekend, never saw him as a father figure. Now we see each other about twice a year as a formality
  • I have a step-dad who has done more than he needed to for me. That being said, I don't know if I see him as a father figure either (see next bullet point)
  • My mum met my step dad when I was 14. From then until I left home, my mum would leave me home alone (no siblings or other family) for days whilst she went on dates with my step dad. As a teenager, this was a lot to deal with and left me with an eating disorder and all sorts of other issues now as an adult.

I'm on decent enough terms with all three of my parents now. Have never spoken to them about the above as I know they would be defensive and the conversation just isn't worth the hassle. Despite this, my Dad expects to walk me down the aisle, and I know my stepdad will be hurt if I don't ask him. There's the option of course to ask my mum, but I frankly don't know if I want to ask any of them.

So I'm considering walking myself, could be an empowering move in this day in age. But don't want to look back and regret it, also don't want people to pitty me on the day

Would love to hear your thoughts

thanks!

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 30/10/2024 19:19

First wedding, walked down by myself. No pity that I'm aware of!

Second wedding, adopted a tradition of my Husband's home country. He met me from the car (outdoor ceremony so car pulled right to the end of the aisle) and we walked down the aisle together. That was lovely.

Slightly different reasons to you; my Dad isn't in the picture and my Grandad would always have been the one to walk me down the aisle. He'd passed away by the time I married and I couldn't bring myself to replace him with anyone else.

RVEllacott · 30/10/2024 19:24

I also walked in with DH. My Dad was at the wedding but DH and I had travelled to the wedding together so it seemed a bit artificial to then make him stand at the registrar's table while I walked in by myself or with my Dad.

Thingamebobwotsit · 30/10/2024 19:29

I did with my bridesmaids behind. It was lovely, empowering and what we wanted.

Do whatever is best for you, on your own, with your soon to be DH or a friend. It is your day.

TwoBlueFish · 30/10/2024 19:31

I walked down with my DH. If I hadn’t done that then it would have been my mum or my sister.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/10/2024 19:33

Another vote for walk in together with your husband.

GroovyChick87 · 30/10/2024 19:38

Are you getting married in a church or registry office. When I got married in the registry office I had my dad walk me in but there was no real aisle and it was over really quick. I could have walked in myself and no one would really notice. However, I think it's fine whatever the set up. It's a nice tradition for those that it suits but it's somewhat outdated.

Desperatetimeshavetoend · 30/10/2024 19:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

roaringmouse · 30/10/2024 19:45

Skyhu · 30/10/2024 18:50

Has anyone walked themselves down the aisle?

Would be intrigued to hear people's reflections on this.

Context:

  • My dad left my mum when I was a baby and has been in and out of my life growing up. Stayed at his for the odd weekend, never saw him as a father figure. Now we see each other about twice a year as a formality
  • I have a step-dad who has done more than he needed to for me. That being said, I don't know if I see him as a father figure either (see next bullet point)
  • My mum met my step dad when I was 14. From then until I left home, my mum would leave me home alone (no siblings or other family) for days whilst she went on dates with my step dad. As a teenager, this was a lot to deal with and left me with an eating disorder and all sorts of other issues now as an adult.

I'm on decent enough terms with all three of my parents now. Have never spoken to them about the above as I know they would be defensive and the conversation just isn't worth the hassle. Despite this, my Dad expects to walk me down the aisle, and I know my stepdad will be hurt if I don't ask him. There's the option of course to ask my mum, but I frankly don't know if I want to ask any of them.

So I'm considering walking myself, could be an empowering move in this day in age. But don't want to look back and regret it, also don't want people to pitty me on the day

Would love to hear your thoughts

thanks!

Yes, I walked myself down the aisle!

I didn't want to be 'given away' and had similar dad and stepdad considerations.

The only thing I would say, is that I hadn't accounted for how wobbly I would be on my feet.

Anticipation, nerves, all eyes upon you.....it was a bit overwhelming. Also, I don't know if the floor was very level, as it was a little chapel with flagstones, but I do recall having to be very, very careful not to trip.

Also, if you speak faster when you're nervous, there's a chance you might walk faster too. The music helped keep me at a reasonable pace I think, and luckily, being a small chapel, it had a very short aisle, so I didn't have far to go 😁.

I've reflected on the experience since, and have better appreciation for someone accompanying and steadying you. Given my circumstances, I would still choose to do it myself, but would make myself practice a few times (which I didn't do at all).

mumbruh · 30/10/2024 19:46

I'm awkward and having a small wedding so me and dp are likely going to be there with dc and have guests walk into us!

CrushTheNewsAgenda · 30/10/2024 19:47

I walked myself. I loved it. I felt like I was making a very clear statement that this is me and I am choosing this marriage for myself and putting myself happily into partnership.

My dad was quite hurt and I was sorry about that but he did eventually accept that I wasn’t his to give to someone else.

Chowtime · 30/10/2024 19:47

Myself and second hubby greeted guests at the door and then walked down the aisle together.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 30/10/2024 19:47

I had my friends two little boys walk down the aisle with me. I don't like to be centre of attention and it helped take the full focus away from me.. I was in their lives from being born so it was very special. Just do what you want. Don't let people bulldoze you

Prisonpillow · 30/10/2024 19:47

I walked down with my husband. Perfectly normal, happy family relationship with my parents but it was important to me to go into the wedding as a couple. To me it symbolised that we’re partners going in and coming out.

It was lovely and I wouldn’t change it.

MsCrawford · 30/10/2024 19:48

I walked down the aisle with the youngest bridesmaid (I only had some little ones) I've got a good relationship with both parents- but I was 32 getting married- the idea of being 'given away' was not something I was interested in doing. My dad was happy with all of this too

Raininginparadise2 · 30/10/2024 20:00

Ungulanta · 30/10/2024 18:52

I walked down the aisle with my husband - we came in together. My parents were dead and I didn't feel any of my surviving relatives were an appropriate substitute. Don't regret it all, it was completely perfect and felt much more true to our relationship which is a partnership.

We did this too. Worked really well for us.

Eyesthelimit · 30/10/2024 20:11

2 friends allowed their asshole fathers not only to walk them down the aisle but to give speeches that were a pack off lies about what a wonderful family they were. In fact both fathers had cheated on their respective spouses and everyone at the weddings were well aware of the fact ! It was a farce and I lost a bit of respect for both friends for allowing themselves and their mothers to be treated so poorly.

Rant over - much better in my opinion to have some self respect and walk yourself or with DHtobe.

bakewellbride · 30/10/2024 20:15

My husband and our page boy son all walked down the aisle together with our 2 flower girls walking ahead of us. Not traditional but was right for us.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 30/10/2024 20:29

MidLifeWoman · 30/10/2024 18:53

You are a modern woman, you don’t need anybody to “give you away”. Walk yourself down that aisle!

I agree with you. I loath the tradition. I am not a cow being traded at market. I am a professional woman with a job and a mortgage.

I have never had a father and family was full of who ‘should’ be doing it, ‘’cos that’s how it should be’. I went against the grain. I will have my swimming coach walk me into church. He was the first male role model I had ever had in my life, coming into it when I was 26 and had looked out for me more than anyone.
No bridesmaids neither a unnecessary expense. I have loads of girl-friends and none of them would want to wear a frilly frock. They prefer to come as guests and wear what they want.

StopStartStop · 30/10/2024 20:33

My daughter walked herself down the aisle. She was a choirmaster, so leading people up and down the aisle, all eyes on her, was nothing new to her. It worked very well.

ForGreyKoala · 30/10/2024 20:34

I walked down the (short) aisle with my husband. You can do whatever you like OP, it's YOUR wedding.

foresthump · 30/10/2024 20:35

Have seen this done and absolutely would do this as an independent person

foresthump · 30/10/2024 20:37

Have also seen bride and her mum walk in together

foresthump · 30/10/2024 20:39

One time i saw a woman walk down with the groom's dad....that was weird

😂

sonjadog · 30/10/2024 20:40

In my country, the groom meets the bride at the door, and they walk down the aisle together. Maybe you would like to do that, OP?

Musicaltheatremum · 30/10/2024 20:43

I walked down the aisle by myself for my second wedding ( widowed from first) it was incredibly emotional. I burst into tears when one of my work colleagues smiled at me. Such a good day. I had Gabriel's Oboe playing