Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Unasking a bridesmaid?

72 replies

weddingxplanning2026 · 22/10/2024 20:09

I have recently found out that one of my bridesmaid has just booked to go to the same place we’re going for our honeymoon at the same time! For context she knew when and where we were going so wasn’t unaware of this when she booked the holiday. This has made me feel really odd and I really do not feel comfortable with this, there is nothing I can do about her going on this holiday at the same time but now I really don’t think I want her as a bridesmaid anymore. How should I approach this?

OP posts:
Sunshineofyourlove · 22/10/2024 20:11

Are you going on honeymoon to a small uninhabited island, or say, Bali?

Context is important.

TossedSaladandSE · 22/10/2024 20:11

Who is she going with ?

Does she fancy your DP?

Are they Ex's ?

widelegenes · 22/10/2024 20:11

What's "the same place"? An island, a resort, a hotel?

Wn38475 · 22/10/2024 20:12

You need to approach this head on.

Dear X, I am very upset to find that you have booked a holiday at the same place and time as my honeymoon. It's really weird to crash my honeymoon, it makes me really uncomfortable and I no longer want you to be a bridesmaid. If you can change the dates of your holiday, I would urge you to do so.

TossedSaladandSE · 22/10/2024 20:12

Could this be a 'Death on the Nile' type of scenario ?

winniethepooped · 22/10/2024 20:12

Don't unask her to be bridesmaid. You'll regret that, it'll affect the friendship/likely ruin it.

Why does it matter if she's going there at the same time? I mean you'll not necessarily meet her unless she's staying at the same resort. And you don't have to arrange a meet-up - therefore - no biggy?

Candaceowens · 22/10/2024 20:13

Sorry to break it to you but this is massively brizezilla. You can't control when and where other people go on holiday.

Wn38475 · 22/10/2024 20:13

I mean, OP, this woman has the brass neck to crash your honeymoon, but you are worried about telling her she's no longer a bridesmaid? Please stand up for yourself - not rudely, just plainly and simply.

TossedSaladandSE · 22/10/2024 20:13

Watch the newest version of Death on the Nile with your DP and watch him carefully

Wn38475 · 22/10/2024 20:14

Candaceowens · 22/10/2024 20:13

Sorry to break it to you but this is massively brizezilla. You can't control when and where other people go on holiday.

Really? I don't think the OP is bridezilla. I think the bridesmaid is some sort of weird stalker/someone with no boundary awareness.

mnahmnah · 22/10/2024 20:14

How did you find out and does she know you know?

i.e is she a bit deranged or is this a secretive thing?

Serene135 · 22/10/2024 20:15

That is a little bizarre. Doesn’t she understand that you want space and privacy?! Is she the type of person who loves to be the centre of attention? I think before you remove her as bridesmaid you just need to ask her why she has booked at the same time and explain how it makes you feel. If she refuses to change the date/location then tell her she can no longer be a bridesmaid and the reason why.

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 22/10/2024 20:15

Sunshineofyourlove · 22/10/2024 20:11

Are you going on honeymoon to a small uninhabited island, or say, Bali?

Context is important.

This was my first thought

Same boutique hotel in an unusual place is weird of her

the same major city where you're unlikely to run into each other if fine

Wn38475 · 22/10/2024 20:15

winniethepooped · 22/10/2024 20:12

Don't unask her to be bridesmaid. You'll regret that, it'll affect the friendship/likely ruin it.

Why does it matter if she's going there at the same time? I mean you'll not necessarily meet her unless she's staying at the same resort. And you don't have to arrange a meet-up - therefore - no biggy?

I'd say the friendship is possibly already ruined by the bridesmaid crashing the honeymoon?

TossedSaladandSE · 22/10/2024 20:17

winniethepooped · 22/10/2024 20:12

Don't unask her to be bridesmaid. You'll regret that, it'll affect the friendship/likely ruin it.

Why does it matter if she's going there at the same time? I mean you'll not necessarily meet her unless she's staying at the same resort. And you don't have to arrange a meet-up - therefore - no biggy?

What ?!?

It's fucking weird that she's gatecrashing a honeymoon

Weird AF

Batshit weird

MassiveSalad22 · 22/10/2024 20:18

Pretty weird. I’d unask and change hotel 😁

Futurethinking2026 · 22/10/2024 20:18

Need more specifics. Same location, same resort, same flight? How do you know / how did she know. Who is she going with?

TossedSaladandSE · 22/10/2024 20:18

Are you 100 % sure she's not shagging your soon to be DH ?

MiraculousLadybug · 22/10/2024 20:19

If it's not a financial disaster, I'd actually rebook your own honeymoon as well as firing her. The last thing you want is to see her after this. Is there another resort you like?

Changingplace · 22/10/2024 20:21

You don’t own a holiday resort, get a grip bridezilla.

BarbaraHoward · 22/10/2024 20:21

Yes, define same place.

Both in NYC in different hotels - fine.

Both in the same boutique hotel on a small Greek island - really fucking weird.

I don't think it's necessarily bridesmaid related though.

pizzaHeart · 22/10/2024 20:22

I think the context is important. However it might, just might be a coincidence. She probably took an annual leave to cover your wedding at the beginning (natural) and then decided to go somewhere for the rest of it. You probably mentioned the place, it sounded good and she decided to book it too. Is it a big or small place?

Wn38475 · 22/10/2024 20:28

Changingplace · 22/10/2024 20:21

You don’t own a holiday resort, get a grip bridezilla.

Can I ask you, then: if you were a bridesmaid, would you book a holiday at the same time/place as the honeymoon?

Attelina · 22/10/2024 20:31

When you're married will she have the utter cheek of living in the same town as you?

Don't be so ridiculous

TeenLifeMum · 22/10/2024 20:32

Have you asked her why she’s coming on your honeymoon? Her answer would decide whether she’s a bridesmaid. Not sure what a decent reason would be. Very odd behaviour.