Wedding invite QR code asking for bank details - is this a thing?

[Newbie2023]

AIBU to find this really odd - are we just totally out of touch with current wedding invitation protocols, or is this a thing now?

We’ve received a wedding invitation card for a friend’s son’s wedding, with a QR code to scan to say whether we will be attending, to access menu choices, etc.
No problem at all, happy to do these - but…

The QR code takes us straight to online forms that ask for our names, addresses, email addresses - ok.
However, the second page of the site asks us to enter our bank card details, and can’t move on without doing this, so can’t say if we’re attending, see a wedding list, give menu choices, etc.
It says the 7-day trial to use this site is free, then we will be charged monthly….
This feels a really odd thing to ask of your wedding guests, but happy to be told we’re just really out of touch!

Is this really actually a thing now?

Advice very welcome! TIA

Have they said why?

Getting the bank details without authorization for a payment and without saying how much, what for, and giving the terms and conditions of payment, would be illegal. So unless it's because they've won the Euromillions and plan on sharing their windfall with guests, it's all very odd.

I'd just mention to your friend that you're declining to respond via an app that's asking for bank details, and if she could pass this along to her son you'd be grateful. I wouldn't even say yes or no to whether you're attending, just that you're "declining to respond".

I don’t think they’ve misunderstood anything. It’s totally normal for the online generation. They outsource everything, and giving bank details / paying through platforms isn’t a big deal at all. It’s just alien to us. They’ll just say, cancel it afterwards?!

They've used a 'free' scanning service that isn't actually free (it'll start asking for a subscription fee after a limited number of scans). A major cock up by the sounds of it - don't enter your bank details!

What's the point of being miserable and bitter if they cannot think the worse of everyone.😁

The crazy drama of some people on here! Refuse to go! Dont even tell them! They don't even want you there!

Instead of: contact your mate Jane saying 'that website is asking for me to pay to sign up? Not sure why? Could you just let Ben and Chloe know we're delighted to accept and will both have the chicken.'

I hate those websites anyway it assumes veryone has a smartphone and knows how to use QR codes etc. My parents wouldn't.

My parents and my in laws both invited some of their friends to uor wedding (26 yrs ago). It made it a lovely celebratory day for them alongisde their frinds as well as us and ours. They were sharing thier joy at their child's marraige with their friends. It wasn't just about us.

I'm really not sure this new attitude of hyper control to make sure everything is only what you want want is the route to happiness.

Actually I am sure. It's not.

I've got a wedding website and would be mortified if it did this!

I'd let them know, there's a good chance they aren't using the guest side of it and hadn't realised that it wanted to charge guests

Lots of the wedding websites look they are free, but when you start adding rsvp options etc start charging or only allow a limited number of free responses.

If you aren't close enough to the groom to even have his contact details then I don't think you need to worry.

Just tell his mum that you aren't inputting your bank details in order to accept the invitation and to please let them know you won't be attending.

Whole thing sounds like a massive cash grab tbh and no. It is not normal. It is taking the piss.

Well if it's not a mistake, that's really weird. I wouldn't do it.

I'd send a nice letter apologising that I couldn't manage to get the form to submit and answer all of their queries within the letter.

No bloody way I would be inputting my card details.

Why wouldn't you say if you're going? 😂
'Declining to respond'?? What drama.
What are they supossed to do. Guess? Beg you to tell them? Send a carrier pigeon?

Just tell them you can't use the website, but you'll be attending.

Jeez, some people make a drama out of everuthing it must be exhausting.

Oh, hadn't considered the possibility the couple don't understand how websites work and didn't read the details on the site they are using or check anything.

Well, either way, talk to his mum and let her know that the website wants bank details and you won't be doing that.

MN is mental.
I’d say it’s very obvious that the B&G signed up to an app and didn’t realise it would also guests for bank details,

it’s not a “cash grab@“, there’s no need to refuse to go etc. just let whoever know

Yeah, my bad. I always forget that many people are unable to properly set things up or read t&cs.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity I believe the saying is.

I should be less cynical.

Contact them, they may have set the website up without knowing guests would be asked this!

Call the mother of the groom and tell her the invite is requesting your bank details which is… unusual.

Personally i think the bride and groom didn’t pay attention and thought they were using a free wedding website service… but they aren’t!!!

It’s the app that stands to gain from this, not the couple.

I predict that if you contacted the couple to ask about this they’d just breezily tell you that it’s all fine and to cancel the app straight after. To you and me, that awful because you shouldn’t have to be put out in this way, but to them it will be meaningless - just life admin.

This could be a scam.

Given that I recently received an invitation for a live FUNERAL feed which turned out to be a scam nothing would surprise me. No feed just payment taken and recurring payments set up on their bank cards.

Contact the happy couple and ask the to send out a warning and ask for RSVP via email or any other way. I wouldn't be touching this.

Well call me old fashioned but I much prefer a nice printed invite that can stand on top of the fireplace for a few weeks.

^ PS I don't think it's them scamming you but an app which has been set up to look genuine.

Same here. Then it gets put into the photo album with any wedding photos you've managed to take. Yep, I'm really behind the times - I have physical photo albums!

OP - did your friend know it needs your bank details first?

Its not either or.

We have a physical invite that went out, with all the usual stuff and with a link to a wedding website for more details. It massively reduced the cost of having to put a million inserts and means we can put the important stuff on the invite without also having to fit in stuff like multi taxi numbers (rural location), hotel info etc

We offered 3 different methods of rsvp and no one has posted a response (we've had one rsvp card hand delivered) presumably because the cost of post is so high. Most have chosen to rsvp via text though rather than the wedding invite.

Family member used a QR code for their recent wedding. There were events over three days so it made it easier to plan and book knowing how many guests would attend the pre and post wedding events. No bank details requested - why would you?

Proper invites are still very much the norm. It seems to just be the usual niche sites like vistaprint offering this QR faff.

I think its hilarious that the OP's friend has told her to subscribe/cancel 😂 Some people have the neck for anything (it's a stick on that this couple will NOT be providing an evening buffet! 🤣).

I'm wondering if they have used a new platform without reading the T&C's ... They might not be aware this is required from their guests, and I assume the bank details are for the wedding list.

We used a platform for our wedding too, and I spent quite a lot of time reading reviews and T&C's because it often wasn't always clear what guests would be charged, particularly for those based in the US.

I'm with most posters here who say there's no drama, no cash grab; just a mistake on the B&G's part.

However, just in case I'm following PP's thoughts that there's a possibility it might be a scam.

Did you get the invite via email or facebook?
Are the details on there correct/specific enough?

Or is it an email saying something vague like 'my son is getting married, we'd love you to attend. Here's the link for details.

Either way the answer to all this is don't do anything with the site and to talk to your friend in person.

Probably completely missing the point of the thread but we received a wedding invitation recently and RSVP was by QR code. Admittedly, I've not been to a wedding recently but I was a bit surprised and wondered if this is the norm nowadays? There was no alternative way of replying and it got me wondering how elderly guests or people less tech savvy would cope? Even I struggle with QR codes so had to get DS to help me! It didn't ask for bank details though so agree it must be some kind of glitch.