when should we get married?

[missgenzmum]

me and my partner planned to get married in summer 2025 (we got engaged in february) but i recently got pregnant. i'm due in december and would rather not have a 5-8 month old baby at my wedding.

Do get married before the baby's born.
Even just a quick register office do, to get the legal protection of marriage.

In the next few months!

i'd like my child to be at my wedding and definitely don't want to rush it. when i said "when should i get married" i meant LATER than the original date, not sooner.

Now !! Get thee to the registry office and do the necessary paperwork.. !, Unless you are in The fortunate position of having your pension contributions and wages paid whilst on maternity and a trust fund to cover childcare..for the next 10 years.. in which case no hurry.. If not then £215 mid week no frills. Best investment you will ever make..

Then... take your time and plan a lovely blessing as you would like it.. even renew your vows..

Okay, I’d still do it before. Why do you want them to be there?

Genuinely do it now, because no matter when you do it afterwards your going to have to be responsible for your baby/child
Family may say aww we will have the baby etc but they will get swept along in the day- dancing prosecco etc they won't want to leave the party

Registry office
Nice meal
Jet off on a holiday

Lovely!

Yeah I know you have posted now to say no after....but sorry no I would rather be in labour than have to look after my young child on my wedding day

okay, that's you. i personally do not want to get married now and i definitely don't want to be pregnant on my wedding day.

Honestly I despair. !! This stuff really needs teaching in schools.. marriage is a legal contract that affords you rights that cannot be gained in any other way.

Legal agreements/prenups/ wills have ABSOLUTELY NO COVER that affords you the same rights. Stop worrying about the pretty day and focus on your long term security.. especially now you have a child on the way.

Examples ..

Your DP gets hit by a bus or has an aneurism. (God forbid but it happens) .. unmarried you get NOTHING to support your child. You don't even have the right to keep/turn off life support... that's his parents domain. Partners are not legally recognised.

His work pension if not SPECIFICALLY donated to you goes to the treasury..

It's shit. I am not supporting marriage for any 'moral reason' simply accept that atm the law is the law ... do not have kids without being married it's just too risky.

If you think I am being dramatic then just look at the traizillion threads on here ... search 'had a baby now bf won't marry me' ... 'baby but no proposal' ..'engaged but now we have children he doesn't want to set the date' ...

i also absolutely do not have time to get married this year.

we will be setting the date as soon as we come up with one. no worries there.

You sure as hell won't have it next year either.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#:~:text=Your%20legal%20rights%20as%20a,than%20if%20you're%20married.

that's my entire point?

i'm due in december and would rather not have a 5-8 month old baby at my wedding.

You've got two options open to you.

1. Get married before December.
2. Get married any time from September 2025.

This way, you won't have a 5-8 month old baby at your wedding.

I would get legally married now in a small ceremony. Just the two of us plus witnesses if necessary.

Then have fun arranging a bigger ceremony, renewal, whatever ( you don’t even have to tell people you’re already legally married). Maybe wait til 2026 so you’re not knackered from having a newborn and can take time choosing dress etc.

You need the legal protection of bring married if you’re pregnant. That’s what I would do anyway.

Please do the sensible thing for your own protection and get married before the baby is born. Just look at the threads on MN from women who aren’t married, have kids and then get left financially ruined

I got engaged 2 years before I had my dd and got married when she was 8!

I think if not before then within a few months, otherwise probably years if I’m honest. As you say, you don’t want a young baby there but better a very small baby only having milk feeds than a toddler, or a newly weaning infant! Honestly the mess! And a white dress and toddler hands….!! If you do have a toddler I would recommend a babysitting service for after the main bit of the wedding if you do want to really let go and enjoy yourself.
I do agree with the other posters about a quickie “marriage contract” pre-baby and then a proper wedding after, but I’m not one to talk as my DS is 4 and we are only getting married this summer. But I will admit after my son was born I really started to think about the legal ramifications of not being married to DP. Maybe it was being so vulnerable after having a baby or hormones but there are a surprising number of “loose ends” that you don’t even think about until the early hours of the morning in those post-natal days. Your whole life’s priorities change overnight and that’s no exaggeration. If I wasn’t getting married in a few months I would at least do the legal bit just for the peace of mind.

You have time to pop into the registry office! It only takes half an hour FGS.

And OP I mean this kindly - you're only four weeks pregnant. Anything can happen.

You can have a big wedding celebration after the baby's born, but do get the legal bit out of the way before your baby arrives.

Unless of course you own a house, have £££ in savings and your boyfriend is an unemployed wastrel.

I don't understand the question OP. Why do you need strangers to tell you when to get married?
You are adamant you want your child to be at the wedding. None of us can tell you whether you'll end up with a smooth sailing birth, or severe injuries requiring a year to recover and a long long time before you get your figure back.
Or, whether you'll have an easy baby!

Have the baby, then see. I don't think anybody would begrudge you doing the legal bit first. Many do so these days for various reasons as long as you're clear that to you it's just a bit of admin. Don't invite any friends/family, get random witnesseses otherwise there'll be arguments.