when should we get married?

[missgenzmum]

me and my partner planned to get married in summer 2025 (we got engaged in february) but i recently got pregnant. i'm due in december and would rather not have a 5-8 month old baby at my wedding.

These threads really make me wonder how many posters genuinely got married with no faff or frills, and just had a lunchtime registry office wedding on their break from work.

I think the OP has read enough times about the legal protection. She's not bothered.

I would plan it for long enough after the date that I could try and lose a bit of baby weight, but short enough so hopefully you have a non mobile child, unless you will have really hands on grandparents who will basically be a childminder all day.

I did it with an 8 month old baby. I wish we'd done it before we had her. It was lovely, but not totally about just us. And the honeymoon was frankly a bit crap because we had to think about naps and I couldn't have much of a drink as I was bf.

Yup, this

I'm another vote for this summer.

Use the babies christening / baby naming ceremony if you want a big party next year.

I suspect that lots of posters had big traditional weddings, but were also not trying to plan a wedding with a baby on the way

I wasn't married when my son is born, and then Covid hit, we ended up getting married when my son was four. We had been together for 12 years at that point. I actually think a younger baby would be easier at a wedding, they tend to sleep a lot and lots of people would volunteer to take the baby for a little walk in the pram, when they are more mobile toddler age I actually think it would be more difficult, unless you wait until your child is three or four and you can actually talk to them properly. really depends on what kind of wedding you want to have

Agreed, and babies are pricey themselves.

Nursery fees, and general stuff for kids is costly from prams to nappies. Then a sibling comes along then bigger house becomes the priority.

I'm sure that's why you end up with so many couples, have child and the wedding never quite makes it to the top of the priority list, until 20 year later and kids are graduating and the couple start to think about pensions etc

Your DP gets hit by a bus or has an aneurism. (God forbid but it happens) .. unmarried you get NOTHING to support your child. You don't even have the right to keep/turn off life support... that's his parents domain. Partners are not legally recognised.

whatever your view on marriage, I have to correct these two points. (1) bereavement support payment is payable to partners - no need for marriage (2) there's no such legal entity as ‘next of kin’ so no, decisions wouldn’t automatically be the ‘parents domain’.

there’s a third point too - I recently got a civil partnership after 25 years of living together and one child. My personal form of protection has been to maintain an independent income but each his own. Anyhow, the setting up of this ‘event’ consisting of no more than signing with two witnesses then a meal
out, took way more time than the ‘popping to the supermarket’ comment above and more money than the £218 mentioned. There seem to be fewer council places now and you still need to give notice so a couple of trips even if you aren’t bothered about the aesthetics which luckily we weren’t as the place was pretty grim. Point is there are still arrangements that take time and headspace. I eventually did it for the avoidance of doubt and the tax benefits relating to inheriting estate which have become relevant as I’ve got
older.

Why ask the question if you clearly know what you want to do. I agree with everyone else get married before. But I have a feeling you'll learn the hard way.

We attended sils wedding when ds was 1 it was fairly easy as he slept loads and could be entertained from the pushchair.

We got married when ds was 2, hired a babysitter to look after him during the day and he was a nightmare. Kept having tantrums. Barely in any photos. Had to be taken out during meal/speeches. Needed to go to bed by 8 and wouldn't sleep so kind relatives took it in turns to stay in his room with him. Mil and fil went to bed at 10pm (they were sharing with him)

I'd say under 1 or around 4. But agree financially you are better doing it before the baby is born.

Congratulations on your engagement and your pregnancy!

Really only you can make this decision because it will very much depend on what you want the day to look/feel like and also how much family support you have.

Some things to consider when you’re making your decision:

• Who is your support network? If it’s family would they be heavily involved enough that they could take baby/toddler whenever necessary, and if so are you happy with the idea of them possibly not being in the room for moments like vows, speeches etc as that’s typically when little ones get bored and need to be taken off
• Are you hoping to breastfeed? If you are, consider that in the style of your dress and also the structure of the day, and the venue you choose as you’ll need to be able to sit somewhere comfortable at regular intervals to feed/ express
• Will your little one be going to nursery, and at what age? Bear in mind that they will catch every bug going for the first several months after starting, as will you, and it will also potentially wreck their sleep while they adjust and make them extra clingy. I would steer clear of getting married in this window!
• How formal/flexible do you picture the day being? Babies’ routines change with surprising frequency for the first year at least, so even making decisions like what time to have dinner can be tricky to predict more than a few weeks in advance until you see what they’re up to at that particular phase
• Are you wanting baby to remember the day or just to be part of the day? If you’re wanting them to remember it you probably need to wait several years for those memories to stick
• What are your finances like? Weddings and babies are both very expensive, particularly if you’re anticipating a house move in the mix too. It would be worth crunching some numbers around child care options, essentials like buggies, car seats etc so you know what will be left of your budget, and maybe consider waiting until you qualify for some funded hours, if you do.

I could continue but I’m sure you get the idea! I hope you and your fiancé come up with a plan that sits comfortably for you both and have an amazing day whenever you get to it :)

We got married in 2022 (postponed from April 2020) with our 4 month old there. It was wonderful, lots of help from family and we hired a nanny to be there too. It was the first time for a lot of people meeting her which was lovely.