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Original poster

Shotgun wedding - decision helping needed

75 replies

Nightbeforeslothmas · 24/10/2023 07:17

Situation:

Pregnant. Engaged 2yrs. Together 6yrs. Friends 18yrs. Want to get married on our anniversary or it'll never happen once kid arrives.

Option 1:

We originally set £5k budget
Fell in love with venue

cons: starts early. His parents apparently can't drive 1.5hrs that early or stay the night before (mine are driving 4hrs and staying)

£2k more expensive

Option 2:

Registry office & restaurant
His parents can come

Cons: sad january registry office wedding

£2k cheaper - can even book a 2 day stay somewhere fancy

Tldr: am I bridezilla for being a bit heartbroken that we'll ditch the (still under original budget) dream venue because his parents can't make time for their son's wedding?

Or are the savings so wise we'd be wiser to keep the cash and suck up having an ugly wedding?

He's not organised or researched anything including a single google search for restaurants he was supposed to organise - so of course has no alternative suggestions to surprise me with

OP posts:
LylaLee · 24/10/2023 08:06

Would your partner spend £300 for his parents to be there? £200 for a taxi there and back, plus £100 for a pet sitter.

I'm sure they've been up early for flights before.

LylaLee · 24/10/2023 08:06

And I think you should have put dawn wedding in the OP because that changes the advice.

TitInATrance · 24/10/2023 08:09

It’s your decision, if your fiancé isn’t participating in the planning.

If you’re in the UK I wouldn’t pin my hopes on a January sunrise being anything other than wet and windy though.

oldestmumaintheworld · 24/10/2023 08:10

Why are you marrying a man who can't be bothered to find options or help or come up with solutions? It's his wedding too.

Notonthestairs · 24/10/2023 08:18

"If you’re in the UK I wouldn’t pin my hopes on a January sunrise being anything other than wet and windy though."

We got married in January. Thick grey cloud and then sleety showers. It was a tad chilly. 🥶

SecondUsername4me · 24/10/2023 08:21

A wedding at Sunrise? In January? What is so special about the venue that it needs to be at sunrise and is worth being up and glammed up at that time?

LylaLee · 24/10/2023 08:26

SecondUsername4me · 24/10/2023 08:21

A wedding at Sunrise? In January? What is so special about the venue that it needs to be at sunrise and is worth being up and glammed up at that time?

OP thinks it's going to be like picture 1, when it's more likely to be picture 2.

Shotgun wedding - decision helping needed
Shotgun wedding - decision helping needed
Heyhoherewegoagain · 24/10/2023 08:28

Velvian · 24/10/2023 07:30

Would your DP go to collect his parents for option 1?

So he does a 3hour round trip on the wedding day?

Although I think the “non negotiable” sunrise is a bit bonkers

Pezdeoro41 · 24/10/2023 08:29

I wouldn’t be doing a dawn wedding in January! Is this some special sunrise affair (which would be very unreliable) or is this just the slot no one else wants?

If you really want to do it then paying for a taxi to collect your husband’s parents seems like a solution, but I’d think twice about it anyway, it is likely to be pretty horrible and no one is at their best on a frigid January morning.

minipie · 24/10/2023 08:36

Is “dawn wedding” a thing now? Yikes. Can kind of understand the ILs reluctance tbh.

Roselilly36 · 24/10/2023 08:43

I really think you could be very disappointed with a dawn wedding, the romantic image you have in your head may not transpire, it will be freezing cold, even if it’s not wet. If you love the hotel, could you have a mid afternoon wedding at the venue? Would that enable the parents to travel and get back in time for the animals. Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope you have a great day and many congratulations Flowers

user1492757084 · 24/10/2023 08:43

Keep looking for a third option. Neither idea is right.
Can you not find a lovely country church and hall or Pub?

Notonthestairs · 24/10/2023 08:45

Sunrise in England around mid January is 8am (ish).
1.5 hour drive, add 20 mins contingency for roadworks/slow traffic etc and 15 mins to tidy up/go to loo on arrival.
ILs leave their home at about 5.50am.

So they would be getting ready around 5am after feeding/walking animals.

Must admit I wouldn't thrilled.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 24/10/2023 08:45

Hmmmm. Dawn wedding in the UK in January non-negotiable?

If my other half wanted this then I would be as reluctant as OP's fiance... (now if it was a tropical beach at sunrise you'd maybe get me up and out of bed...)

Parents have genuine reasons not to be there at dawn - animal responsibilities, dark/potentially icy driving conditions, and we'll, stupidly early.

YABU op. It's your wedding day but what you're proposing is quite extreme. Save £2k and upgrade your daytime venue.

LylaLee · 24/10/2023 08:46

minipie · 24/10/2023 08:36

Is “dawn wedding” a thing now? Yikes. Can kind of understand the ILs reluctance tbh.

To be fair, dawn is at 7.40 in Jan.

Which means, to allow for traffic they need to arrive at 7 am. Which means leaving the house at 5.30. Which means getting up at 4.30, latest.

We've all done it for a holiday flight or whatever, but it's not ideal.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 24/10/2023 08:46

A 'sunrise wedding ' in January in the uk is batshit
How far gone will you be?

OrlandointheWilderness · 24/10/2023 08:46

Dawn wedding in January in the UK is not the best idea tbh OP. Chances of it being stunning and gorgeous are not exactly sky high...

LylaLee · 24/10/2023 08:48

Roselilly36 · 24/10/2023 08:43

I really think you could be very disappointed with a dawn wedding, the romantic image you have in your head may not transpire, it will be freezing cold, even if it’s not wet. If you love the hotel, could you have a mid afternoon wedding at the venue? Would that enable the parents to travel and get back in time for the animals. Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope you have a great day and many congratulations Flowers

OP and her partner can come down in the morning, the two of them, and a photographer if they want, and do vows, just the two of them.

Then at 10/11 do the actual wedding.

Pay for a pet sitter, in-laws arrive the previous evening, spend the night, leave at 3pm.

CaptainBarnaclesandthevegemals · 24/10/2023 08:52

I read ´hefty animal responsibilities’ as more likely to be 200 cows to milk rather than 2 dogs to walk and feed. (Actually dairy farmers will almost certainly have 2 dogs to feed too but getting the cows in is the walk).

Piffpaffpoff · 24/10/2023 08:55

Firstly, OP might be in northern Scotland where dawn at that time is after 9am. Just saying....

Anyhow, I'm afraid I'm on the 'do something else' side of the fence. I bet you can find somewhere beautiful that's not a sad shopping centre registry office. And then use the money you've saved to go somewhere lovely just the two of you for a couple of nights.

Original poster
Nightbeforeslothmas · 24/10/2023 08:58

8.30am in a covered area. Leaving at 6.30am - 7a. would probably do it. Unfortunately animals are more 'large rural' than 'a few dogs' so I do get their predicament on both.

We were originally grabbing witnesses early, 2 min walk from the hotel.. had a bit of a change of heart thinking about whether we'd regret a full on elopement.

@LylaLee That is a good idea - could do vows witness only and have the family bit at a more sociable time.

Thanks all!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 24/10/2023 08:59

Option 1 sounds terrible, would just do option 2 and focus on your relationship and planning etc for DC1.

you’re excusing him being crap about the wedding organising - should he continue to be crap in some areas that approach will become much, much more difficult as him not pulling his weight would make your workload sky high once you have a DC.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2023 08:59

Sit down with him and properly discuss it. There are other options, you should both be involved in plans and should both end up happy with them. I don’t think undiagnosed ADHD if that’s what he’s got is an excuse to leave the arrangements to you. Don’t you want to feel he’s fully engaged with your wedding?

Loopytiles · 24/10/2023 08:59

Also YABU for the dripfeed about the in laws’ reason for not wanting an early start etc!

minipie · 24/10/2023 08:59

If it’s covered… what’s the point of it being at dawn?