Shotgun wedding - decision helping needed

[Nightbeforeslothmas]

Situation:

Pregnant. Engaged 2yrs. Together 6yrs. Friends 18yrs. Want to get married on our anniversary or it'll never happen once kid arrives.

Option 1:

We originally set £5k budget
Fell in love with venue

cons: starts early. His parents apparently can't drive 1.5hrs that early or stay the night before (mine are driving 4hrs and staying)

£2k more expensive

Option 2:

Registry office & restaurant
His parents can come

Cons: sad january registry office wedding

£2k cheaper - can even book a 2 day stay somewhere fancy

Tldr: am I bridezilla for being a bit heartbroken that we'll ditch the (still under original budget) dream venue because his parents can't make time for their son's wedding?

Or are the savings so wise we'd be wiser to keep the cash and suck up having an ugly wedding?

He's not organised or researched anything including a single google search for restaurants he was supposed to organise - so of course has no alternative suggestions to surprise me with

Option 1. Dream venue. It's your day.

This.

Do you !!! When they know it’s going ahead and they haven’t been able to influence you for their convenience I think they might suddenly be able to make it. In any event it’s one for your DP to figure out with them

How sad are we talking with this registry office OP? I know the one where I live for example is a beyond bleak Council building attached to the library and offices but they aren’t all like that. A different registry office perhaps?

I get why you want to be married soon but you don’t need to have the perfunctory registry office that people on mumsnet seem to count as the only type of wedding that means you are actually interested in the marriage if you don’t want to.

What about a third option.

We had a sad January registry office wedding but you know what it brightens up a depressing month. It's our month cos no one else is daft enough to get married then and it was just us with my parents, we didn't want all the fancy stuff. Save the money!

Well it’s not just HER day is it.

This isn’t something that van decided by a poll on MN. What does your husband to be think? Why can’t his parents travel? Why can’t the wedding be pushed back an hour or 2?

I'd be pretty gutted if ds prioritised any wedding venue over me being able to get to the wedding... but having said that, nothing would keep me away from it.

Does it absolutely have to be that day? Could it be a bit later on another date?

Why can't his parents come or stay over? Disability? Unable to drive in the dark?

I've driven 8 hours there and back to DC's sports competitions. Overnight in a Travelodge. More than once.

If they can't come to their son's wedding that's on them.

Option 1 and tell DPs parents to get a grip. And a hotel.

And what's the start time?

Are you doing a 6am Dawn Wedding?

Even if you were, they could stay in a Premier Inn and set an alarm if they wanted to be there.

I would say option 2, and splurge on a fancy meal and party.

But are those two really the only two options at all?

Your DP also needs to realise how important this is to you and come up with some ideas.

How early is early? Does dream venue rely on outside space thus making it weather dependent?

Registry office and restaurant would be my choice because I think there are better things to spend money on if you are pregnant.

There must be an option 3, ceremony in nicer registered building, followed by restaurant.

Would your DP go to collect his parents for option 1?

Unless it's a mobility issue his parents should make the effort

Also, Google 'beautiful registry office UK'

See if there's one close to you.

£100 on a taxi would be better.

Option 3:
Take a breather and mull over why you seem the only one invested in planning and making the arrangements? He hadn't even picked up the phone to call a restaurant?? What's the matter with him?

You're hopefully only doing it once. Do it right. If his parents want to come they will.

I've driven 90 minutes to collect something off ebay before now.

Unless there's a HUUUUGE, genuine reason for them not being physically able to drive 90 minutes on the day of the wedding, or stay over the night before, then I'd go for the first option. He obviously doesn't give a shit about the arrangements which apparently is giving his parents the idea that they can have some sway over it.

(my entire family drove 4 hours each way for my mid-week wedding, I've known folk fly to the other side of the world to attend distant relations' nuptuals, or for bridesmaid duties)

What would mean they can't drive early to the wedding but could drive home if the wedding was later? I understand if it's driving in the dark but this would mean not being able to drive home in the dark also.

Thanks for everyone's perspective, appreciated.

• Time for dream venue is sunrise, non negotiable
• Parents concerned about early morning Jan driving conditions (rural, bad roads)
• We chose a city that would be easier travelling for his family and our friends
• They can't stay overnight due to various hefty responsibilities (animal care)
• He's talented at a lot of things but I do think undiagnosed ADHD so I tend to be a bit forgiving ;)

Think it's sounding like 'suck it up princess' and enjoy the cost savings! Will definitely suggest the taxi though and keep looking for that elusive 3rd option..

Option 1 and why would they not do everything they could to make it? Why can they not stay over? Why can they not drive early on the morning?

As others have said, I was 34 weeks pregnant and went to a wedding a 4 hour drive away with a list of hospitals with consultancy led delivery units (2nd baby) stayed over the night before. That was for friends!

Cross posted with you. So they can never go anywhere due to animal responsibilities?