Shotgun wedding - decision helping needed

[Nightbeforeslothmas]

Situation:

Pregnant. Engaged 2yrs. Together 6yrs. Friends 18yrs. Want to get married on our anniversary or it'll never happen once kid arrives.

Option 1:

We originally set £5k budget
Fell in love with venue

cons: starts early. His parents apparently can't drive 1.5hrs that early or stay the night before (mine are driving 4hrs and staying)

£2k more expensive

Option 2:

Registry office & restaurant
His parents can come

Cons: sad january registry office wedding

£2k cheaper - can even book a 2 day stay somewhere fancy

Tldr: am I bridezilla for being a bit heartbroken that we'll ditch the (still under original budget) dream venue because his parents can't make time for their son's wedding?

Or are the savings so wise we'd be wiser to keep the cash and suck up having an ugly wedding?

He's not organised or researched anything including a single google search for restaurants he was supposed to organise - so of course has no alternative suggestions to surprise me with

Another one highly confused about the appeal of a dawn wedding in January? So you get married between 8:30 and 9am…then what happens? Breakfast and home?

Sunrise depends massively on where you are. Where I live (NE England) its 8:30 in January. In Aberdeen it's 8:47, in London its 7:49.

It's not that his parents " can't make time" is it? You are creating a false narrative to suit your own agenda.

Is it cheaper because nobody else wants to get married at 8am in January?

You need option 3. Where in the uk are you?

Option 1 and organise a taxi to pick up his parents. They can sort out getting home afterwards.
Taxi for 90 mins will be about £100.

This.

Agree you need an option 3.
Sunrise in January sounds bleak and as beautiful as the venue might be, no one is going to be at their best at that time of the morning and your wedding will have no atmosphere.

It doesn't have to be an ugly register office - there are some very pretty venues out there.
But even ugly buildings can be nice inside and if you booked a lovely restaurant for the reception, you could focus the celebration on that part of the day.
Personally I'd like a few days away instead of the dawn venue. I didn't have a honeymoon and I deeply regret it.

A registrar can come to a venue of your choice.
Sunrise sounds awful, shotgun wedding is a weird, outdated phrase to use. Sad that your fella isn't interested in marrying you while you're scrabbling to arrange it.

To be honest, I would ditch sunrise - not particularly reasonable to expect people to come so early even in Jan when it rises later especially knowing they have animals.

What's wrong with either a nicer registry office or perhaps a shortened said service in your local church

What sort of animal requirement?! If we are talking a dairy herd to milk then tbh that's a damn good reason to not come, even sorting out a couple of horses takes time although it is easier to just chuck them out and feed them do everything later.
I think a compromise would be a good idea.

Can they maybe get there 3 days in advance and you guys pay for their stay? I’m sure it’ll be better than having a wedding you don’t want?

@Babochan88 that would depend on animal requirements- it's not easy to find cover for animal care if we are talking cattle or sheep etc!

Aren't the animal responsibilities there all the time, though?

Or is it early morning feeding/milking which makes it difficult for them?

I would go for whatever option everyone could get to easily.

BTW you might be happy to have saved some money once the baby arrives. They're very expensive!

I’d have the wedding at venue 1 but at 10.30 followed by lunch. Then everyone can come, no one will be yawning and the vibe will be relaxed.

you and your partner can watch the sunrise together and have an unofficial ceremony with just the 2 of you saying how important the other person is to you then

Option 1. You'll regret it if you don't!

I wouldn't choose a dawn wedding if my fiancé's parents had a dairy herd to milk, for instance -- relief milkers can be difficult to find, and it will add unnecessary stress.
On the other hand, having a dawn wedding with a couple of witnesses would be fine if it's really important to you, and then have a bigger lunch with family and friends? Or an entirely separate party, on another day, or later that day?

I got married a week before my due date, and just wanted something quick and stress-free. We had a lunchtime register office wedding with two friends as witnesses, and then went for a very fancy lunch with them.

I'm for option 1.

I compromised for my husbands family but it was a wasted gesture and I did regret doing so. Those that want to be there will find a way, and for those that don't well....

But there must be loads of other options! And a dawn wedding in jan sounds utterly dismal. It sounds like you are deliberately choosing something awkward for everyone, like a kind of test! And what will you do for the rest of the day? Literally a wedding breakfast? And then home in time for elevenses?

I'll assume parents are farmers, therefore crack of dawn isn't suitable, tbf nobody will want that in January.
I'm sure a compromise. and be found.
Also, can we stop using ADHD, autism etc as an excuse for useless men, lazy uninterested men aren't all 'undiagnosed', they can just be plain simple lazy bastards.

Option 2, you'll have a fab day a it's so special anyway. Save the money for when you're on maternity as it's stressful being off with reduced salary. Have a big party once you're back at work to celebrate your wedding and birth if baby

Grooms parents have legitimate reasons for option 1
to be prohibitively difficult.
yes, parents should make an effort, but the couple getting married also have a responsibility to plan a wedding that works for key participants .

I personally would find having my parents comfortably attend more important than a specific venue.

There must options other than drab office building that would allow your closest family to attend your wedding.

I would hate the idea of having to get up at around 5am to get ready for an early morning wedding in January. You say it is covered but I am assuming outside? Also sunrise in January might mean dull and drizzly with no hint of sun anywhere. It all sounds rather miserable. Have a quick registry office wedding then go somewhere beautiful for lunch. You say the venue is sad so maybe look around for a nicer registry office?

Option 2 and save the money for your baby and mat leave.

Sadly I think if you can only afford an 8.30am session at the dream venue, then you really can't afford it. The parents can't come, your friends are not likely to thank you either - for example, do none of them have children they would have to get sorted and packed off to a babysitter before dawn?

I think you might be making this hard for your DP by calling Option 2 cold, sad, ugly etc, but the alternative being that his parents can't come. That could be why he isn't engaging too much in the planning, because you have him in a difficult position of letting down someone he loves (either you or them)?

There must be an Option 3, a way to cheer up Option 2 or the chance to safe for a couple of years to pay for Option 1 when you can afford it.

Surely there’s a halfway somewhere between expensive at Dawn and depressing registry office?

Any nice hotels with garden rooms? There are some nicer registry offices as PP have said too.

I work at a register office....getting witnesses is really hard. You have to take them with you. Finding witnesses early morning out and about who aren't in a rush to be somewhere will be a nightmare.

Also, to conduct the ceremony in the dream sunrise venue, you need the register office staff. We wouldn't be going out for a wedding any earlier than 10am. Have you checked the local office is happy to conduct the wedding at that time?
I'd be rethinking if I was you. Have you factored in cost of register office staff?

Maybe the photos only and private moment at sunrise then go for a register office wedding. Ours is a lovely venue and so are many others...they aren't all in council-office civic centres!