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Original poster

Bride Speech

71 replies

Angel85 · 23/09/2023 00:00

Hi ladies, did anyone do a speech at their wedding? If you did are you glad you did one or do you have any regrets? I feel like I want to do one as it gives me a chance to thank my parents and sister and my in-laws etc and i have prepared one but my fiance isn't comfortable with the idea, doesn't feel its traditional, worried people will be laughing at us, and feels like it's his job to thank everyone for coming and to thank our parents.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 23/09/2023 00:16

I didn't.
I didn't have any desire to do one
I don't have any regrets about that.
My dh thanks people on behalf of us both.

OTOH, if I had wanted to, my dh wouldn't have had any issues with it.
I've been to a wedding where the bride made a speech and the groom didn't, as she was just more comfortable speaking in public.
We are in 2023. It doesn't matter if you use lots of traditions or if you don't use any traditions, or if you pick and choose - do what suits you.

Top tip though, don't have loads of speeches. Especially if they are just repeating the same things. Nobody cares who speaks, people just don't want to sit there for ages, glazing over.

DivingForLove · 23/09/2023 00:20

I did - I wouldn’t have married someone shoe wouldn’t let me speak at my own wedding 😄. It’s not the 1940s 😬

JanglyBeads · 23/09/2023 00:21

I did and am very glad I did.

The wedding turned out to have been a very bad idea but that was a good bit!

Whataretheodds · 23/09/2023 00:22

I would.

I have been to weddings where it's been done and they were great. Thoughtful, moving, not too long. They've been in the minority but I'd love to see more of them. Why shouldn't you be able to speak for yourself? Why does your future husband get to speak but you don't?

Does your husband to be feel embarrassed that you earn your own money? That you're not vowing to obey him? That you already live together and have sex before being married? That you may have had sexual partners before him? Because those beliefs come from the same traditions as the groom doing a speech but the bride having to be represented only by her father.

DysmalRadius · 23/09/2023 00:29

I did - I'm pretty funny so it was really good. My husband is a professional performer so we're all used to hearing from him anyway - I put a lot of work into planning the wedding and wanted to thank those who had helped myself!

RaininginDarling · 23/09/2023 00:34

Married this year and I gave a speech. A lot of people travelled a long way to be with us and as the co-host of our marvellous do, I wasn't going to just sit there and say nothing. Delighted I did - I also gave a toast to three couples present who also married within months of our wedding. (Surprising, really, as we're all in our 50s). It was really nice.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2023 00:44

The fewer speeches, and the shorter they are, the better.

Trisolaris · 23/09/2023 00:56

Yes I did. No regrets. We agreed between us who would thank who etc and kept them short.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/09/2023 01:04

Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2023 00:44

The fewer speeches, and the shorter they are, the better.

Exactly.

How about thanking people with a heartfelt letter instead of a BAFTA moment?

mondaytosunday · 23/09/2023 01:06

Yes I did and happy I did it (over 20 years ago now)! I did thank my parents but also people who had been good friends over the years who no one else would have mentioned.

JaneIntheBox · 23/09/2023 01:06

No. After having done 90% of the work new husband can do the speech.
Where he can thank everyone, ESPECIALLY me. And acknowledge how amazing I am.
My job is to sit there looking smug and beautiful

Nobody will laugh at you though. Do you really want to marry such a sexist?

JaneIntheBox · 23/09/2023 01:08

@Aquamarine1029 @UsingChangeofName As an aside people always say this on here but it was our photographer who said to have speeches as it was a great opportunity to capture some real emotions. Otherwise we'd have dispensed with them altogether...

LaviniasBigBloomers · 23/09/2023 01:09

The only way I could countenance a wedding was by doing a speech myself. Think about it - you're given away (I know it's not necessary but it would have broken my dad's heart to make a stand over that) and then you sit at a meal that you've paid for while men literally speak over your heads. No ta.

Don't regret it for a second. But also I might have thought twice about a man who wanted me to shut my mouth in case people laughed at me or thought it was his job to speak for me.

JaneIntheBox · 23/09/2023 01:15

LaviniasBigBloomers · 23/09/2023 01:09

The only way I could countenance a wedding was by doing a speech myself. Think about it - you're given away (I know it's not necessary but it would have broken my dad's heart to make a stand over that) and then you sit at a meal that you've paid for while men literally speak over your heads. No ta.

Don't regret it for a second. But also I might have thought twice about a man who wanted me to shut my mouth in case people laughed at me or thought it was his job to speak for me.

Haha the giving away same here - dad was so excited I couldn't say no.
I did think not making a speech wasn't a 'voice' but then I'm expecting my FH's speech to be all about how wonderful I am and how the amazing wedding down to my great organisational skills.
I'm certainly not going to be saying the same about him - what for? He didn't do much of the wedding work anyway.

FWIW we didn't do 'the menz' one from the couple and each sets of parents. I did think mum should speak as dad's already giving me away but she didn't want to. Similarly FIL wanted to a speech but his mum was ambivalent.

It's ended up all men but that wasn't the original intent.

Sussurations · 23/09/2023 01:15

Yes, I did. It was very short, but I wanted to thank my parents, siblings and new husband and in laws, and I wanted to speak at my own wedding. I wasn’t given away (we walked into the church together) and it felt important to make a respectful acknowledgement of my parents.

Your fiancé may be sexist or he may just be nervous about the wedding but it’s worth trying to get to the bottom of that.

redteapot · 23/09/2023 03:33

I have been to weddings where the bride did a speech and it was fab.
I didn't do one at my own wedding (although my husband would have had no issue if I did!), I did consider it briefly but I read a comment somewhere about how much of the wedding is about the bride and it really stuck with me. So that's why I chose not to.
If you want to do one then you should absolutely go for it. Is it possible that your fiancé is worried that his speech won't be as good as yours / you're more confident at public speaking than he is, etc.? They aren't reasons for you not to do one but perhaps worth exploring.

user1471548941 · 23/09/2023 03:43

I did! For similar reasons to you, I wanted to thank my family and bridesmaids in my own words/voice rather than have my DH do it for me-I said the thank you’s whilst DH walked over to each person with their thank you bouquet as I couldn’t move without help in the dress! Also, I couldn’t sit there and have him say lovely things about me without also doing the same for him- our relationship is equally based on our personal journeys and coming together so I told a story or two that showed his lovely character, especially as we didn’t make our best man do a speech as he was terrified of public speaking.
We offered for his Mum to do one alongside my Dad but she didn’t want to- also fair enough!

Our speeches went DDad, DH then me. I started with “anyone who knows me and DH will know that I’m the talker in the relationship so if you thought you were getting past the part of the day entitled “speeches” without hearing from me, think again!” Which got a good laugh. I then finished off by introducing our fab band saying a few words about our personal connection to them. I got loads of compliments- my bridesmaids loved it!

EggInANest · 23/09/2023 06:07

My Mum did a speech at my brother’s wedding, my sister did at hers. I went to a fab wedding recently where the bridesmaids did a very funny short performance which was the equivalent of ‘best man’s speech’.

I think it’s great. I no longer have much tolerance for sitting listening to men talk about women and the other deeply patriarchal trappings of weddings.

OP, what on earth will he say when you tell him you’re not changing your name?

foolishone · 23/09/2023 06:42

I didn't and absolutely wouldn't have wanted to but if I had, he would have encouraged and supported me.
@Angel85 I would not be marrying someone who had this attitude. Is it a one-off because he's worried about tradition or does he do this other times?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/09/2023 06:44

I didn't bother but most of the speakers were female (DH's sister etc.).

I wouldn't have married a man who didn't think I should speak at my own wedding though. I'm not joking.

LoudSnoringDog · 23/09/2023 06:46

I went to a wedding where the bride and her maid of honour did the speeches

makeminealargeoneagain · 23/09/2023 06:48

I did. It felt a very natural thing to do. As a newly married couple we both had things we wanted to say to various people. It wasn't nerve wracking at all as I was just talking to people we cared enough about to want to share our wedding day.

Bootoagoose123 · 23/09/2023 06:48

I did, and my bridesmaid did too - a best man's speech equivalent. We kept them all under 5 mins but I hated the idea of only men speaking. I actually couldn't imagine any situation where my husband would've had a problem with me speaking.

TakeMe2Insanity · 23/09/2023 06:49

I did. I’m glad I did.

readingmakesmehappy · 23/09/2023 06:49

I did. We didn't have a best man's speech so the speeches didn't go on for ever. No way I was going to allow all men to make the speeches at my wedding.