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Original poster

Bride Speech

71 replies

Angel85 · 23/09/2023 00:00

Hi ladies, did anyone do a speech at their wedding? If you did are you glad you did one or do you have any regrets? I feel like I want to do one as it gives me a chance to thank my parents and sister and my in-laws etc and i have prepared one but my fiance isn't comfortable with the idea, doesn't feel its traditional, worried people will be laughing at us, and feels like it's his job to thank everyone for coming and to thank our parents.

OP posts:
itsmeafterall · 23/09/2023 06:53

I did but I was so emotional in the run up to the wedding that I couldn't get through the practises it bout weeping like a baby. So I spliced together snippets of songs that told the story of our relationship from start to present day. It took hours 😂 was utterly brilliant and the last song took us all onto the dance floor (70s disco classic).

It was utterly lovely. ❤️

PinkRoses1245 · 23/09/2023 06:53

I didn’t because the thought of standing up in front of everyone made me so nervous. I don’t know how you can marry someone who has that attitude. I hope that attitude doesn’t extend to your division of household tasks

Philandbill · 23/09/2023 06:56

PinkRoses1245 · 23/09/2023 06:53

I didn’t because the thought of standing up in front of everyone made me so nervous. I don’t know how you can marry someone who has that attitude. I hope that attitude doesn’t extend to your division of household tasks

This!
We did a joint speech and that was over twenty years ago. Nobody laughed. I don't care if they thought it odd. DH and I see marriage as a partnership. Start as you mean to go on etc.

biscuitcat · 23/09/2023 06:59

I did, I hated the idea of only men speaking at the wedding, and I'm so glad I did. If you're going to give a speech anywhere, make it your wedding - friendliest audience you could get, they want you to succeed!

Hopefully it's just wedding nerves, but I'd have no patience at all with your fiancé trying to convince you not to speak, it's no more his job than yours to thank people etc.

BobbleHatDay · 23/09/2023 07:11

I did and no regrets! (20 years ago now - and probably the only non traditional thing we did). My sister was a bridesmaid who had travelled from overseas, so I thanked her and other bridesmaids and my parents as well as raising a toast to my new DH.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 23/09/2023 07:44

No, nor did DH but we did have equal men and women speaking

Have done a best woman type speech before

Genuinely baffled that your DH is trying to stop you speaking at your own wedding if you wanted

YouveGotAFastCar · 23/09/2023 07:48

I didn't, mostly because I didn't want to extend the amount of speeches everyone had to listen to! Our best man gave a lovely speech, my maid of honour wanted to say a few words, and then DH gave a very short thank you just before we cut the cake; but that was it.

I don't regret not giving one. I wondered around talking to everyone and thanked them for coming then.

DH would have let me give one if I'd wanted to, though. I think I'd genuinely find it a bit of a red flag if he wouldn't.

VivienneViennetta · 23/09/2023 09:50

I say this gently, but if a man tried to tell me what I could and couldn’t say, the last thing I would be thinking about is marrying him.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 23/09/2023 09:52

I did, there was no way I was going to sit there like some sort of compliant mute. It was my chance to say thank you to everyone who had supported me through life this far.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 09:53

No. It never occurred to me when we married 42 years ago. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 23/09/2023 09:58

Sorry, to answer the feast of your post. Yes I was very glad that I did, but I am actually more used to public speaking and presenting than DH, so it wasn't a surprise to anyone.
It isn't traditional to do, and what tradition brings is a structure which at least means there isn't duplication which would be tedious for all concerned. There will be a middle ground whereby he can do the majority of the traditional stuff and you still get to do what's most important to do.

The other thing I've seen done is a joint speech which was lovely. It was to be more scripted, but it worked well. Groom thanked bride's parents, bride thanked groom's and so on. It wasn't as back & forth as I'm making it sound but it came across as a really nice team effort from the b&g. An option?

The audience, is presumably, your nearest and dearest. They should be laughing with you not at you, otherwise I'd be reconsidering the relationships.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 23/09/2023 09:59

Feast?!! Rest.

GrumpyPanda · 23/09/2023 10:02

He's trying to silence you at your own wedding? Sounds classy.
And fuck traditions. My mum just dug up the funeral notice of a great-grand aunt. Church service open to all but only gentlemen allowed graveside. Oh and all the female siblings husbands listed among the bereaved but mum's granny who was her SIL omitted.

LittleMy77 · 23/09/2023 10:02

I did one; we had a relatively non traditional wedding, and I’m known for trying to have the last word generally, so I did 😉

DH also did one so relatively normal in that sense, and we managed the time accordingly so it didn’t go on for hours

Screw what everyone else thinks! (altho i’d be examining your partners attitude to this tbh..)

Globules · 23/09/2023 10:03

I did my own speech back in the 90s. It's really nothing new.

I'm glad I did my own speech. I wanted my voice to thank the people dear to me. I didn't want or need my new husband to speak for me.

My wedding. My choice.

Tell your fiance he needs to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and worry about what you think. You should be his priority, not them.

Globules · 23/09/2023 10:08

Oh, and I did a speech at my niece's wedding last year, as she asked me to. Where does that sit with your fiancé's traditions?

IdealisticCynic · 23/09/2023 10:18

I did a speech at my wedding and I’m pleased I did. In part I did it BECAUSE it isn’t traditional. The tradition of only men speaking at weddings is rooted in patriarchy because women were chattel passed from their father to their husbands. Fuck that!

My husband has great respect for tradition but not those based on sexist ideas. I wouldn’t have married him if he did. The idea of people laughing at the wife speaking would not have crossed his mind. They did laugh - but at the jokes! And he loved my speech - on our anniversaries he often refers to the speech and how much he loved it.

Gently OP, is your fiancé sexist in other ways? Does he expect you to do “traditional” work like all the cooking and cleaning? Because now is the time to think that through very carefully and whether that is the life you want.

mumsince2021 · 23/09/2023 10:21

My husband and I did a joint speech instead of 2 separate speeches as it was equally our wedding and so it made sense to both be thanking everyone and both have something to say. I think it's very outdated having the woman sit and not get to speak. Of course a lot of people are uncomfortable with public speaking so I think for that reason a lot of women decide to stick with traditions as a get out 😅 it's your wedding so do whatever you want to!

Breakingpoint1961 · 23/09/2023 22:10

If you want to do it then do it, otherwise you'll regret it and resent your fiancé for objecting to it.

I like speeches, but like a PP said, humorous/short and concise, don't bore the pants off people!

Good luck and congratulations..

Starseeking · 23/09/2023 22:24

I've been to weddings where the bride made a speech and I found it lovely that she also "got a turn", rather than all the men sitting talking over her head.

If you're comfortable with it, go for it!

Wolfricbriandumbledore · 23/09/2023 22:32

Don’t marry someone who thinks ‘tradition’ is an appropriate excuse for not letting women speak.

Okki · 23/09/2023 22:55

I did. We got married 18 yrs ago. DH did, as well as both of our Dads. They were all short and sweet though.

So based on the number of women on this thread who have said they gave a speech, it sounds rather like your fiancé lives in a very small world. Maybe give his head a wobble. He should be supporting you and not worrying about what other people think. Does he have a small-minded judgemental family that he's worried will criticise you?

hotcandle · 23/09/2023 23:54

No - I could if I had wanted too but we decided we wouldn't do any speeches because it's (in my opinion) the worst part of a wedding.

Tallisimo · 23/09/2023 23:55

I did. And why not? That was 30 odd years ago and no one batted an eyelid. Am divorced now but don’t think my speech was to blame.

TheFlis · 24/09/2023 00:22

I did a speech. One of the first things I said was that while it wasn’t traditional for the bride to speak, there were things to be said and thank yous to be made and anyone who knew me knew that I had never ever wanted or needed a man to speak for me, and I absolutely wasn’t about to change that now just because I was married.

Without blowing my own trumpet, so many people came up to me afterwards and said it was the best wedding speech they had heard in years.