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Original poster

Bride Speech

71 replies

Angel85 · 23/09/2023 00:00

Hi ladies, did anyone do a speech at their wedding? If you did are you glad you did one or do you have any regrets? I feel like I want to do one as it gives me a chance to thank my parents and sister and my in-laws etc and i have prepared one but my fiance isn't comfortable with the idea, doesn't feel its traditional, worried people will be laughing at us, and feels like it's his job to thank everyone for coming and to thank our parents.

OP posts:

MsFrost · 24/09/2023 06:58

Yes I did and I would have been very concerned if my husband had an issue with that. The year is 2023 not 1950.

icekandy · 24/09/2023 08:16

I did a speech at my second wedding, and I also kept my surname.

I broached keeping my name with my first husband who told me there would be no wedding if I didn't take his name. Our marriage lasted less than a year.

I would dig deeper into your fiancé's thoughts around this. His comments are twattish and the fact you're questioning it means you're not comfortable with what he's said.

I don't wear my wedding/engagement rings either.

I love my husband and he loves me, and respects me as an individual and equal. I don't buy into the patriarchal misogyny of "tradition".

icekandy · 24/09/2023 08:19

I didn't have my dad "give me away" either.

Looking back, I'd forgotten how uncomfortable people were about me "breaking tradition".

icekandy · 24/09/2023 08:22

I'm off on a tangent here but I remember telling my husband's closest friend that I wasn't taking his surname. He was astounded, it was an interesting conversation. He saw and understood my point of view after we talked it through. My sister asked keeping my name was legal

Horriblewoman · 24/09/2023 08:25

MsFrost · 24/09/2023 06:58

Yes I did and I would have been very concerned if my husband had an issue with that. The year is 2023 not 1950.

Same!

I loved giving my speech, not to sound arrogant but I’m quite funny and enjoy public speaking and it went down very well.

my husband was fully supportive and he loved it!

wafflingworrier · 24/09/2023 08:30

I did, I kept it short but I think it is important to not perpetuate the blushing and silent bride stereotype and make weddings less patriarchal.
I think it's really odd that women DON'T to be honest.
We had a speech after each course of the meal so b4 starter, husband , after starter, best man after main , father of the bride, after pudding me. Saved the best for last and also allowed us to announce "go away whilst we clear tables" etc

Seperately, it is odd your future husband doesn't want you to talk? Suggest HE cuts his speech if he's bothered, since he seems to lack the ability to walk in your shoes...😦

stemmedroses · 24/09/2023 08:30

I did. I never considered not doing one. Why wouldn't a woman thank her family and friends?

As for "non-traditional", pre-marital sex is non-traditional but I bet your fiance won't be a virgin on his wedding night.

Cloudburstings · 24/09/2023 08:32

Yes I did.

It was the best speech too 😁

we had five, my dad, my bridesmaid (hers was brilliant too!) best man, DH, me.

Made it clear everyone should keep it short (asked them to aim for 5 mins so even if they went a bit over was still under 10).

and spread them through the drinks reception and dinner so it wasn’t one big chunk to listen to. Worked well, lots of compliments from guests.

if you want to, do it. No one will laugh and your husband is being ridiculous (or sexist. Worth reminding him a lot of the traditions of marriage are sexist and oppressive. Eg are you going to promise to obey him as brides used to do? Most don’t now. You can change this too.)

MariaVT65 · 24/09/2023 08:32

Yes I did and don’t regret it :)

There were still only 3 speeches as my dad wasn’t there.

I thanked people for coming, especially as some had come from abroad. I also gave out some thank you gifts. I also gave a surprise gift to my husband (letter from his football club). Kept the actual speech short and did a toast.

Meanwhile I went to a recent wedding where the bride’s dad gave us a whole biography of the bride. It was looooong.

Enko · 24/09/2023 08:33

I kinda did.. over the preparations. Dh and I used to joke that it was "got ya" day . So I did clink the glass got up and explained and told him. "Got ya" it got a big laugh. I thanked everyone for coming and we did a toast. But it was not something I preprepared.

midgemadgemodge · 24/09/2023 08:35

I didn't but a bride at recent wedding did and it was lovely

Ineedwinenow · 24/09/2023 08:38

We didn’t have any speeches at our wedding, family and friends actually thanked us for not bothering

Its your wedding, do what you want, sod tradition…

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 24/09/2023 08:45

34 years married this year and I did. More recently my daughter spoke but her new husband didn’t and my niece and her husband both spoke, as did her maid of honour sister and the best man.
never let anyone tell you you can’t speak - least of all your husband.

TrudyProud · 24/09/2023 09:00

I gave a speech as did my MOH - everyone said ours were actually "better " than the groom or best man's speeches.

I'm so glad I did. Giving one suits my personality

StaySpicy · 24/09/2023 09:01

DH and I did one together just to thank everyone. My dad did one (because he was never not) but that was it.

WandaWonder · 24/09/2023 09:03

I didn't but I think it's a lovely idea for anyone who wants too

SoupDragon · 24/09/2023 09:09

If you want to give a speech then do it! The idea fills me with absolute horror so no way would I ever give a speech but that's because I'm incredibly shy.

I agree with all the other posters laughing that your fiancé "doesn't feel its traditional" when I bet he's done lots of other "non traditional" things 😂

AliasGrape · 24/09/2023 09:16

I did.

No way in hell I’d sit there all meek and demure and let the men speak for/ over me - and I really wouldn’t marry anyone who had an issue with me wanting to speak at my own wedding.

My parents are dead, so there wasn’t a father of the bride to do a speech anyway. My husband of course said thank yous and we’d done cards and small gifts for those people we really wanted to acknowledge, but there were still certain things I wanted to say that it was important to me that it did come from me - and particularly wanted to raise a toast to ‘absent friends’. I don’t regret it at all, why would I?

Also, as a pp said, some of my favourite pictures of the day are from the speeches.

Thinking about the last few weddings I’ve been to, the bride spoke at all of them so I was of the impression that it was becoming more the norm - I hope so anyway.

I have been to weddings where the speeches went on for ages and were awful, but I don’t think the solution is necessarily don’t have any/ have as few as possible. Last wedding I went to the speeches were a particular highlight - and there were quite a few of them. Maybe made a difference that it was one of my closest friends and I knew the speakers all very well and knew the story/ background to getting to that day - but the speeches were wonderful and emotional.

Coffeepott · 24/09/2023 09:19

I did.

I also didn't wear white, didn't change my name, wasn't given away and didn't promise to obey. I also told the vicar he was not to announce "you may now kiss the bride". I decide when someone can kiss me, not some bloke in a robe.

I was quite a young bride too. Any regrets? None, I only wish I was as naturally confident now as I was ten years ago.

If you want to do a speech op, go for it, and I'd suggest some very strong words for anyone who tries to put you back in your box.

autienotnaughty · 24/09/2023 09:41

I didn't but would be put out if fiancé thought I shouldn't. You have as much right to give a speech. Personally I'd go first and be awesome leaving him speechless 😂

Spinet · 24/09/2023 10:00

I didn't but wished I had immediately afterwards. I was too nervous but did feel silent.

I would be wanting to get to the bottom of your H to be's feelings though. What other 'unconventional' (barely, in this day and age) things is he going to dictate or allow others' potential judgement to dictate for you?

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