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Original poster

No speeches?!

51 replies

tasht333 · 25/01/2023 22:38

So I'm getting married in April 2023. My FH is terrified of public speaking (as am I so completed sympathise!) and my dad is a very quiet man who would also struggle. We've discussed foregoing speeches altogether but I've never experienced this at a wedding. Has anyone else and if so, how it went down?

I feel there should be some thanks given to those who have attended/helped with the big day, but not sure how to do so without the traditional speeches.

Any help appreciated!

OP posts:

garlictwist · 01/02/2023 11:35

I went to a wedding with no speeches. I thought it was going to be a relief but actually it did mean there was no time when everyone sort of came together to acknowledge the wedding. I don't think you need to force people into speeches or have loads, but a short vote of thanks from whoever fancies doing it might be nice.

Toddlerteaplease · 12/02/2023 03:53

My sister didn't have speeches. My dad just said a very brief thank you all for coming, and welcomed my BIL to the family. And that was that. I hate speeches at weddings so it was great.

Appleskypietoday · 12/02/2023 03:56

At my wedding I just toasted everyone and thanked them for coming. Nothing more. It was lovely and no one missed the speeches.

Justfolditin · 12/02/2023 04:30

No speeches here. Think most people were grateful, especially DH and my dad. They could enjoy the day without worrying about the speech. I've been to some weddings where the speeches go on and on and on....or are just cringe.

sashh · 12/02/2023 05:02

Just don't have any speaches, my parents didn't and they married in the 1960s.

WandaWonder · 12/02/2023 05:22

We had a couple of short ones, anything goes really

It is your wedding to have what you want or not

WandaWonder · 12/02/2023 05:24

Also we had a normal sit down restaurant reception so no dancing, we both hate dancing

bussteward · 12/02/2023 05:52

Speeches are one of the worst parts of weddings! Shut up and let me eat my dinner and talk to the people next to me, far nicer.

moleeye · 12/02/2023 06:09

We are getting married next year.

As it stands it will probably be slightly unconventional, I don't want anyone to walk me down the aisle, he doesn't want a best man and he thinks speeches are the dullest part of the wedding.

I'm going to stand up and say something, and my sis (MOH) wants to say something. No idea if he's planning on speaking yet....

I'm ok with that, it's down to couple preference and the speeches do tend to drag on.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 12/02/2023 06:13

No speeches at my wedding, it was an amazing day very relaxed and fun

Caspianberg · 12/02/2023 06:16

We had no speeches, no first dance and no dancing at all actually. Less than 6 months ago. Had a lovely evening. Not even sure when we would have fitted all that’s in tbh.

Wedding started at 12pm, most people gone by 10pm. ( us also soon after as toddler with us)

cosmiccosmos · 12/02/2023 06:18

Surely in 2023 the men giving speeches at weddings is outdated. Presumably the FotB normally gave one because he was hosting/paying. Normally weddings are now funded by a group effort or the Bride and Groom.

Why can't the Mothers speak or the chief bridesmaid? The best man speech is typically all about the groom and how the couple met - what about the brides life - not very interesting?

The more you think about these 'traditions' the more the patriarchy shines through. Why don't just you and your new husband stand up and say something - the very least should be s 'thank you for coming'.

mrsbitaly · 12/02/2023 06:25

My dad has severe anxiety so I didn't have the walk down the aisle, speech or first dance. But my brother walked me down and did a speech. Do you have a sibling that can do this or someone that is close to you? No one batted an eyelid when my dad didn't do those things.

WhatNoRaisins · 12/02/2023 06:45

I've been to one where there was just a brief thank you to the guests for coming. It was fine, it was a very unconventional wedding structure wise but as long as the guests are appropriately hosted it's fine to do things differently.

Original poster

tasht333 · 12/02/2023 07:12

It's really interesting to hear people's experiences. We've decided no speeches, no first dance and no wedding cake. I'm not really sure why the cake is such a thing? We have an amazing dessert from our caterer and evening food. The wedding cake just feels like an unnecessary expense and something 'we' do because it's just the done thing. Weddings are weird when you really think about it haha.

OP posts:

SnoozyVanWinkle · 12/02/2023 07:14

Sounds great! I don't think I would even notice if there wasn't a cake.

fairgame84 · 12/02/2023 07:19

We didn't have speeches. We had a covid wedding so only 20 guests and speeches seemed too formal for such a small wedding. Everyone seemed relieved that they wouldn't have to listen to my dad waffle on for half an hour.

marleyandme · 12/02/2023 08:00

Got married last year and did the same as what you're wanting, no speeches, no first dance and no cake cutting.
My dad wanted to say some words regardless so we let him and that did sort of become a speech but shorter and mostly thank yous. If you've got a friend or other relative that might be up for that if you do want to say thank you that could be an option, and if not, don't! It's your wedding!
I avoided the dance floor all night to avoid the pressure of a first dance and we had essentially 30 seconds as the dj was winding down which was enough for me as everyone else was dancing then too.
We didn't do a cake so there was no cake cutting pressure, I find it a weird tradition! So we did doughnuts instead which went down well.

It's your wedding so do what you're comfortable with! There's so much more variety with them now so I'm sure your friends and family only want you to be comfortable and they'll be happy with you having your day however you want it.

Jade1234gg · 12/02/2023 12:55

Wonder if you could do a video or something

ZenNudist · 12/02/2023 13:15

I get the no cake and no dance but it's unusual to host and not thank people for coming. I do like the bride speaking. It's rare but both my dsis and best mate did it. Also seen mother of the bride speeches and another occasion a father of the groom. Get other family members to speak.

KimMG · 12/02/2023 14:08

Remember it's your wedding, and should be exactly as YOU want it. ( My wife and I had a joint hen / stag night ( just a meal out with our friends really ), married in a registry office, meal afterwards in a local steak house type restaurant, using the standard menu. Wedding cake was a cadbury's chocolate cake for each couple. ( My wife's fav cake !! ) Fairly relaxed dress code - Still smart. Everyone really enjoyed themselves. We went immediately off on a cruise for honeymoon. ( We'd booked the cruise before deciding to get married ! )
No one was offended, and everyone had a great time. I know it's not what most people would do, but as I said, it's YOUR wedding 😀
.

ItsaMetalBand · 13/02/2023 16:11

My DH hates public speaking as he's got anxiety. Luckily my brother is very at ease doing it, so he did the bulk of it, and made an excellent job, and included the majority of the thanks, DH followed up with about a minute's worth of personal thanks from the both of us to our families and parents, and that did the job.
So you could easily nominate someone you know who's great at public speaking to do it on your behalf.

Hbh17 · 13/02/2023 16:28

You can have/not have whatever you like. Lots of wedding speeches are a bit grim anyway.
We didn't have a first dance either, coz "evening dos" weren't really a thing when I got married - thank goodness, coz I still think they are a bit naff.
You don't have to have a reception/fancy meal/seating plan/bridesmaids - all of it is optional, except the legal bit!

MucozadeOnLucozade · 13/02/2023 16:30

No we didn't do speeches either. We got married, had dinner and drove off to the airport!

AnotherJaffaCakePlease · 22/02/2023 21:29

I attended a wedding where the best man didn't want to stand up and give a speech, but he did write one and it was displayed in a frame alongside the guest book. I thought that was a nice way to do it as the guests could read it during the reception.

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