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Original poster

No speeches?!

51 replies

tasht333 · 25/01/2023 22:38

So I'm getting married in April 2023. My FH is terrified of public speaking (as am I so completed sympathise!) and my dad is a very quiet man who would also struggle. We've discussed foregoing speeches altogether but I've never experienced this at a wedding. Has anyone else and if so, how it went down?

I feel there should be some thanks given to those who have attended/helped with the big day, but not sure how to do so without the traditional speeches.

Any help appreciated!

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 25/01/2023 22:39

Can you do a speech? Iv been to weddings where the bride has done the speech

TheFlis12345 · 25/01/2023 22:41

We had speeches but we also had a ‘thank you board’ in the reception room which has hand written notes from me and DH thanking everyone for coming then ones for specific people who had done special things for the daylike the friend who baked our cake.

WFHbore2023 · 25/01/2023 22:43

I've been to a wedding that had no speeches or first dance.

Absolutely fine, no different than any other wedding I've been too

Motherhubbardscupboard · 25/01/2023 22:45

Yes I've been to a couple of weddings with no speeches, it was fine. Also no first dances come to think of it. It's your day so you can do it however you want. You could buy some gifts and cards for the people who have helped out

eurochick · 25/01/2023 22:49

We didn't do proper speeches. We didn't have a Best Man and I didn't think my dad would want to speak. Me and my husband stood up and thanked everyone for coming and various people who had helped with the day, and then my bestie proposed a toast to the bride and groom and that was it. Perfect!

Changingplace · 25/01/2023 22:53

We didn’t do formal speeches, DH & I thanked everyone together for coming & said a few words, my dad isn’t one for public speaking and I didn’t want to pressure him (and the thought of anyone going on about me made me cringe anyway!).

We didn’t have a cake either, nobody noticed or cared, we put the extra money behind the bar.

Sandyshoes2 · 25/01/2023 23:02

I've been to two!
The first one I didn't even realise until they spoke about it afterwards. The day flowed completely fine and it wasn't odd at all

The second had a little thank you PowerPoint. It was cute, and still made me cry but did highlight the lack of speeches

Neither made me think badly of the wedding, despite being a sucker for a speech!

I have been to some where its a bridesmaid/ mum etc and not the typical people that give speech

Honestly do what suits you, it's not worth stressing out over. If it will ruin the enjoyment of the day, and you'll be dreading it all day then just skip it

Bingbongy · 26/01/2023 14:20

Honestly no one cares. It’s polite for you and/or your husband to say thank you to the guests but apart from that do whatever you want.

Parker231 · 26/01/2023 14:23

We had anyone who wanted to make a speech. DSis didn’t have any speeches.
There are no rules - just whatever works best for you

EmmaEmerald · 26/01/2023 14:25

No speeches sounds like a relief

I've been to a couple where only the bride did a thank you, that's more than enough. I wouldn't have minded no speeches at all.

Lottapianos · 26/01/2023 14:28

Totally fine, and much more sensible than putting yourselves through a load of stress and upset on what should be a lovely day for both of you.

HeddaGarbled · 26/01/2023 14:29

I think that’s a brilliant idea. They can sometimes be tiresome for everyone. Someone could perhaps volunteer to stand up and say something like: “I’m not going to give a speech but I just want to thank you all for coming and ask you to join me in a toast to x & y” and then do thank yous to the people who helped separately and privately.

DancingWithMyPoolCue · 26/01/2023 14:29

Purely personally I'd be slightly disappointed as I really love wedding speeches. I don't think most people care though.

If it bothers you, you can always ask other people to speak- I've been to weddings where the trad cast didn't speak and other people did it instead.

BurbageBrook · 26/01/2023 14:31

I’m not bothering with speeches at our wedding. Nothing is obligatory!

Original poster
tasht333 · 26/01/2023 17:35

Thanks everyone! Really appreciate the help, has made me feel more confident in just doing what we're confident with 😊x

OP posts:
Hairgician · 27/01/2023 10:43

My dad isnt one for speeches so he wont be doing one at mine. Just the best man who will keep it short and sweet and then fh will say a few words of thanks.

maddy68 · 27/01/2023 10:53

Can they record then and show on a screen?

Or just don't bother. Maybe they can write their speeches and hand out with the cake in a nice card ?

Rainbowshine · 27/01/2023 10:53

A lot of people cringe at the speeches and as someone who had to sit through a wedding where they had 8 speeches in total (I kid you not) I don’t think anyone would bat an eyelid over you not having them or keeping it minimal.

If you did want something, does your venue offer a toast master? Or a manager who can do similar? Basically they would ding the glass and raise the toast(s) for you?

Parker231 · 27/01/2023 13:01

tasht333 · 26/01/2023 17:35

Thanks everyone! Really appreciate the help, has made me feel more confident in just doing what we're confident with 😊x

The right way is your way - enjoy!

otherwayup · 27/01/2023 13:06

We had no speeches, no first dance, no wedding list, seating plan etc

My Dad is painfully shy and dh is not a natural public speaker so that made sense and I've never seen a first dance that doesn't make my toes curl I'm cringing so much!!

Friend's & family still talk about it be the best wedding ever.

1984Winston · 27/01/2023 13:11

We didn't have speeches, my brother isn't keen on public speaking and the best men both didn't want to give a speech (one of them was very shy) I had one friend comment on it at the time but no one else seemed to care

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/01/2023 13:14

My dad did the father of the bride speech for my cousin's wedding as her own dad was too shy to do it. (My dad was also her godfather).

WhereIsMyRollingPin · 27/01/2023 13:15

One of the several reasons I decline most invites to weddings is that I find long speeches boring and cringy. I would be delighted to hear they are not happening.

Just circulate and thank everyone for coming 🙂

CMOTDibbler · 27/01/2023 13:16

I saw something recently about a 'sort of celeb' wedding (vv posh though) where instead of speeches, they had toasts. I think that is much better tbh having sat through a wedding last year where the FoB was trashed during his speech, and the best mans was toe curlingly bad. A toast from the FoB to 'my beautiful daughter and her wonderful new husband' is all anyone needs to say on the subject imo

lowclouds · 30/01/2023 14:25

We had very minimal speeches. One from DH & me (together - he was nervous too!) and one dad speech. Each was 5-10 minutes and mostly just thanking people for coming.

We almost didn't bother and I don't think the day would have been much different without.

It's your day, basically you can do what you want - that's the magical thing about organising the biggest party of your life!

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