No kids allowed but close family kids are

[JulyDreams]

Wedding invite states no kids allowed to decor close family kids. Would you still attend if you had to leave your newborn of 4 months at home?

Thanks

Sorry should have read except close family's kids are allowed only.

Depends how long I'd be away, whether the 4 month old was exclusively bf, whether I was ready to leave them, etc.

Depends on 100 factors.
Is it your first child?
is the child EBF?
where is the wedding?
do you have childcare?
do you want to go???

id also check that 4 month olds are defo excluded and it isn’t just “babes in arms”. At 4 months they’re no longer newborns but I’d assume they’re little enough as to be included

No, I wouldn’t go. But I wouldn’t be offended either - and it’s perfectly understandable that they make an exception for family kids. I’d just send polite apologies and best wishes for a lovely day.

It’s so personal, some people would be fine leaving a 4 month old. I would not have done, even if formula fed. I just wasn’t ready to leave them for more than a couple of hours. No judgement either way, though!

I would have turned down a wedding invitation when mine were that age UNLESS it was very local and I could go just for 2 or 3 hours and leave baby with family member. I wouldn't have taken them even if invited.
People will understand you can't go when baby is so young

It’s irrelevant that close family kids are going, what id base it on is are you breastfeeding, will baby take a bottle? How far away is it? How important is attending the wedding to you?

Ours will be 4 months in December. We would be away from late morning until early evening I think quite late. I probably (if I can) would still be breast feeding baby by then but now I'd have to express for a full day and that's if baby takes from a bottle.

Not close friends really. Don't reach out to us, go over to see them once or once every 2 years and they are local... a little unsure why we have been given the invite really.

Then just don’t go OP! Just say you don’t want to let them down last minute by changing your mind and you aren’t sure if you’ll be ready to leave the baby by then/don’t no if you’ll be able to find childcare.

Depends on 100 factors.
Is it your first child? yes first
is the child EBF? I would like to be breast feeding but also from a bottle if she takes to it
where is the wedding? About 45 mins away so 2 hours on travel
do you have childcare? Yes my mother would have her
do you want to go??? Not particularly but we wanted to make an effort.

It's a tricky one and feel like we are put a bit in a position.

@ShirleyPhallus I was going to get DP to text his friend who have invited us to check they are definately excluded.

No, I wouldn’t go. But I wouldn’t be offended either - and it’s perfectly understandable that they make an exception for family kids. I’d just send polite apologies and best wishes for a lovely day.

^Yes this

Surely it's not that difficult? Go if you are comfortable leaving your baby, decline if not.

Personally no, you aren't close, expressing isn't for everyone and I found that age was when I felt really knackered with the sleep regression.

Also is it near Christmas because for me that's another factor that makes me more likely to decline.

It's up to you but if you want to decline you've got lots of reasons to.

They've provided a good excuse not to go then. I'd wish them well and decline

do you want to go??? Not particularly but we wanted to make an effort.

don’t go if you don’t want to then!

You won’t know till nearer the time if the baby will take a bottle. I would just decline at this point. I’d rather go out with just my DH tbh and going out is hard enough at that point. This is my perspective though - you might be different.

I wouldn't have left a 4 month old for anyones wedding, never mind someone I only see every two years!

DP is more close with them than me. I am leaning towards not going. Perhaps we could go to the evening instead?

From your update I think you'll be fine to decline the invite @JulyDreams
Just thank them for the invite but you won't be able to go due to having a young baby. Wish them all the best and send a gift.

They'll understand. People decline wedding invites all the time. I had people couldn't come as they were away on holiday.

Could your DH go alone?

I would rather go without a 4 month old than with one! So yes I would, especially if it was my mum babysitting. I had my 3 month old grandson overnight so my dd could be a bridesmaid and actually enjoy it. But everyone’s different .

Thanks we will discuss it. I've asked DP to send a text to the groom and see what comes back.

No because my newborn would have been distressed and needed my breasts. But if that were not the case of course I'd go.

I would happily turn down that invitation.

No he wouldn't go alone he doesn't know anyone there at all.