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Original poster

No kids allowed but close family kids are

70 replies

JulyDreams · 25/06/2022 13:29

Wedding invite states no kids allowed to decor close family kids. Would you still attend if you had to leave your newborn of 4 months at home?

Thanks

OP posts:

Lochjeda · 25/06/2022 14:49

I did for our friend's and was breastfeeding. Had to go express and throw milk away multiple times through the day and woke up the next morning so engorged but we did have a lovely day. It was only up the road though so not far away if for whatever reason they needed us.

ApolloandDaphne · 25/06/2022 14:52

Do they know that you are pregnant and that this might be an issue?

BattenburgDonkey · 25/06/2022 15:01

ApolloandDaphne · 25/06/2022 14:52

Do they know that you are pregnant and that this might be an issue?

She must be about 7 months pregnant so it’s unlikely they don’t no.

Mindymomo · 25/06/2022 15:02

I would reply, thanks for invite, but you know we are due our first baby soon and she will be 4 months old, so we don’t know if we will be able to leave her.

We took our baby 3 weeks old to a family wedding. It was quite stressful, we sat at back of church in case he woke up crying. Feeding was awkward. My in laws lived close so we left meal early and went to their house for a couple of hours before evening reception.

SunnyShiner · 25/06/2022 15:04

I don't see what difference close family kids being there makes?

Go if you want, don't if you don't want to. It's easily sorted.

Pipsquiggle · 25/06/2022 15:14

Do they know you have a baby and that DC will be 4 months at the time of the wedding?

The reason I ask is we put a similar 'no children' policy except for our DN in our invitations. Most of the DC of my friends were over 1 year old and there would have been 15 DC in total. They would have taken 'a place' at the tables and it was quite a small venue so we would have had to cull 15 of our closest friends.

I would have counted your DC as 'babes in arms' ie. In a pram by your table asleep (hopefully). Therefore not taking up a place and not really much hassle to accommodate.

It depends if they have loads of 'babes in arms' friends though, therefore, easier to say no to everyone.

Probably worth asking

MzHz · 25/06/2022 15:18

My ds is huge and about to leave school

would I have left him at 4m, even though bottle fed? No. A huge hell no.

”thanks for your kind invitation. I won’t be able to attend as dc is far too young to be left. I’m wishing you all the best for your big day, I’ll be thinking of you and look forward to the pictures”

custardbear · 25/06/2022 15:23

Can your DH go? And perhaps you go to the evening do with your baby in a sling if that's acceptable?

Snugglemonkey · 25/06/2022 15:34

I would decline. You just don't know where uou will be with feeding.

HideousKinky · 25/06/2022 15:37

My DD will be leaving her 3 month old baby with us for the day in order to attend a child-free wedding with her DH. She is breastfeeding the baby but in preparation for the day has been expressing milk and recently tried out a bottle for the first time which the baby accepted, so all should be well

Original poster

JulyDreams · 25/06/2022 18:03

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 25/06/2022 14:45

It’s irrelevant that close family kids are going

Exactly. I can’t understand why you’d include this information - unless it’s the beginning of a ‘But it’s not like there won’t be any children there, so why can’t my precious baby be an exception too?’ argument.

To make it clear to others probably.

OP posts:

happinessischocolate · 26/06/2022 09:28

I left my dd at 4 months to go to a friends wedding, stayed for wedding and meal and then left, whilst everyone was still sat at the tables.

I was breastfeeding and had expressed enough milk for the day and fortunately dd was at that point accepting the bottle. When I got home my boobs were very full, and despite the fact that I had called my dsis And said I was on my way back she had just fed dd so I had full boobs and had to sit there expressing it all to relieve the bloody pain.

I'd say only go if you really don't want to miss the wedding, it was quite tedious with everyone drinking and having a good time whilst I just had growing boobs and no alcohol 😁

DisforDarkChocolate · 26/06/2022 09:37

Generally I never went to weddings unless my children were invited. If it was a very close family member and I lived nearby I'd try and go the the wedding service if I had to leave a 4 month old baby. The service is my favourite bit though.

SummerPuddings · 26/06/2022 09:44

I wouldn't go without baby.

Delectable · 30/06/2022 17:08

We didn't allow children at our wedding not because we didn't want them but as we married in our 40s and 50s almost everyone had children and 2 of my husbands' close friends have 6 each. However, three of my friends had babies and asked if they could come. I explained that it was cos we couldn't pay an extra £65 for catering and add to that chairs etc so it wasn't a problem as we didn't have to incur costs for them. So you can ask her and state that she'll be on your lap. Our close friends who wanted their children to attend brought them to the service and then the evening party.

daisyjgrey · 30/06/2022 17:18

Not close friends really. Don't reach out to us, go over to see them once or once every 2 years and they are local... a little unsure why we have been given the invite really.

I'd have declined based on this even if I had no children to factor in anyway.

TheOriginalClownfish · 30/06/2022 17:19

That's pretty standard here in Ireland, only having children who are family members there. You wouldn't assume to even bring a baby in arms unless you were specifically told it was fine to do so. Probably a throwback to the 70s and 80s where familes were massive

I went to a friends wedding when DS was 4m on 3 hrs drive away and stayed overnight. But I really wanted to attend her day so the effort was worth it. DS and his dad were fine without me, and he'd enough expressed milk to keep him going until I got back.

If it was a wedding I couldn't be bothered with, then I probably would have declined politely.

Ponderingwindow · 30/06/2022 17:24

I would decline. I wasn’t leaving dd at at age and she definitely wasn’t ready for a bottle.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 30/06/2022 18:48

It is irrelevant whether other children are allowed or not as to whether I went or not. My only consideration would be about me and my baby.

I wouldn't go, not with a 4 month old as I wouldn't have been able to leave them for long enough. If it was someone who I really wanted to see married and it was local and I had someone to watch the baby I would go.

Even if baby was invited it would have to be close family. I went to a cousins wedding with a 5 month hold and I didn't really enjoy it very much.

Kite22 · 30/06/2022 23:55

Not close friends really. Don't reach out to us, go over to see them once or once every 2 years and they are local... a little unsure why we have been given the invite really.

You've answered your own question here really.
Personally, I would have gone when any of mine were 4 months, but I wasn't exclusively breastfeeding any of mine at 4 months, so that makes a big difference.

Don't ask them if they can make an exception for you. You have already said you aren't close, and aren't even sure why they have invited you. The fact they have, means it is nice of them to offer, but if it doesn't work for you, they won't be mortally offended if you can't go due to your circumstances. Just graciously decline, thanking them for the invitation but saying you can't make it work and that you hope they will have a lovely day and that you are looking forward to seeing the pictures afterwards.

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