Friends hen party abroad

[Gson]

Hi all,

My friend is due to get married end of next year and want her hen party abroad (my guess, around June time).

I am going to be maid of honour - let me start by saying I’m not really a marriage person and generally I think the whole extravagance of it is really OTT. Friend is the opposite, wants a big white wedding etc - absolutely fine! It’s her and her husbands to be day and it needs to be what they want.

Anyway, as I’m maid of honour I’m already feeling a lot of pressure. Hen party needs to be abroad, 20+ people are to be invited. She has expressed a wish to go to Dubai originally (which is insanely expensive!). I have got a few locations in mind in Europe, the whole thing will end up costing everyone probably £600+ plus with flights, accommodation, meals out and food still. She won’t be happy with something cheap, it’ll have to be a nice villa, nice restaurants etc.

I am (like most of her friends) saving to buy a house atm. She had her house paid for her by her parents. She is with a wealthy, older man and they really have no problems at all. She also has friends that are barely in work at the moment, are on low wages etc.

When I spoke to her mum about budgets for the hen, I said I wouldn’t be looking to go anywhere too pricey so as many people can come as possible. Her mum basically said ‘just go where Susie wants - people will have to find a way to afford it’.

Her mum also alluded to us paying for her trip - splitting the cost between all of us. I nearly lost it!

The whole thing has just really stressed me out and made me quite cross. Obviously, friends getting married is really exciting but why do we have to be SO out of pocket for their choices.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Do you pay for the bride, even if it’s abroad? How can I cut costs and still make it nice for her?

Rant over - I don’t know whether I’m being totally unreasonable and need to just suck it up. And I’ll end it by saying I love her to bits!

"I have always managed to get easyJet flights for £150 max in Europe (and as low as £20...I think I am just lucky and have always been prepared to fly at weird times haha)"

Yes, good luck with getting 20 people to agree to stupid flight times, taxis at night to the airport, hanging around when you get there for hours waiting to check in....nah. They'll cause a fuss, throw problems at you, just say no!

@Noshowlomo

Don’t be spending hundreds/thousands of your own money on someone else’s dream. Spend it on yours.

Good advice.

As the organiser, it’s very easy to pay any deposits with promises that people will pay up. Rarely does everyone pay up, with people dropping out feeling they’re aren’t obliged to pay. Causes resentment all round.

I went abroad for mine but only a very small group of closest friends and very much more of a girls’ holiday we might have had anyway that year with no pressure to attend. It wasn’t a surprise, and I paid my own way. It wasn’t extravagant but I would never expect friends to pay for me.

Your poll needs to ask how much people can spend and how many days they can afford to take and how far they can travel. Armed with that info you can present facts to B2B.

So 12 people can come for 1 night with a pot of £100.

2 people can do 2 nights for £200.

Your sister can do 4 nights in Dubai.

Get feedback from the hens and report back to the B2B. Even if the hens agree to going then I would be telling B2B that its too much money when saving for a house. They then have the option of going ahead or changing the plans for somehwere cheaper. Sounds like a nightmare though.

A nice meal and cocktails afterwards or clubbing for those who want to carry on drinking. This should be a hen do. No pressure, no forced fun, no forcing to spend ridiculous amounts of money

Sorry op but your friend is a stupid bitch. She doesn't care that her friends can't afford it, the princess can so everyone should be able to. In fact they should pay for her.

If I was as rich as her, I'd pay to rent a house for the weekend and have people come in for spa treatments etc or just go to a spa with everyone. I wouldn't take them abroad or expect them to pay for it, it's not fair.

I don't think it's an issue having an extravagant hen do in itself but it depends on how it is done. I think there should be an attempt to include people and see what their budgets are.

My friend's hen do was going to be in New York last year but cancelled due to covid. The MOH messaged us telling us the plan and asking if we'd go. Cost was estimated at £1000 but I think that was an low guess because I think it would have been nearer double or at least £1500 as they hadn't factored in any food or drink or a activities. Hen supposedly didn't know what it was but was a bit scathing about one of her friends who said she couldn't go due to cost. I thought it was a bit wrong to do it that way and they could have had a cheaper but still really nice option like a UK break or spa or short haul hol.

Bridezilla

She’s got lost in a fantasy. Of course people should not be dipping into their house savings to pay for this, it has to be affordable out of the money you’d normally spend on social stuff.

I would get the hen group on WhatsApp, ask people to let you know individually what time and money they can afford (give them some options), then email your friend and say if we do X most people can come, if we do Y everyone can come. (neither of these options will be Dubai clearly.) you can remind her about saving for houses and covid knockon to soften the blow. Send this midweek, and say you’ll follow up with a call to discuss the options at the weekend.

Hopefully by the time you call she’ll have adapted to the reality a bit. Don’t take on her disappointment just stick to the reality to get the thing sorted. Keep repeating people cannot and will not get into debt / dip into house savings for her hen night.

I assuming she’s not usually an idiot and has just got caught up in a fantasy. But regardless do recruit at least 2 other of her friends to help you organise this.