Big/Expensive wedding -Regret or remember?

[emma8t4]

I’m looking for peoples opinions. Our background is both of us have been married before, my first wedding was abroad for budget reasons followed by big party at home. Fiancé had a traditional day, local church followed by local venue, wedding breakfast speeches etc etc.

We would both like a proper wedding to invite all our friends/family to celebrate dfiancé would like a wedding where he has an input (he didn’t last time, felt like he just turned up in the day) I would like the experience that I didn’t get last time.

Sooo... we have fallen in love with a venue which is expensive but we can afford it but compared to other places we could afford a wedding plus a holiday. The other places feel like a compromise in terms of how we see our day.

So my question is those if you who went all out for their dream wedding did you regret it when you look back and think of the day you could have had plus what extra things (holiday/house deposit/baby etc) you up could have afforded or are you happy with how much you spent/day you had??

It wasn’t crazy expensive but more than we thought it would be, 120 people. We don’t regret at all and it really was the best day (but also we didn’t need to take on any debt and it didn’t really directly stop us from doing anything concrete - still had a flat deposit for example).

Unless you’re v v wealthy it’s better to have the money IME!

We had an average UK cost wedding, which is still a lot. Regret!

It wouldn’t get us into debt, if that changes things, plus we already have a house no plans to move and nice cars (no plans to change) plus will still be able to put some money away for savings.

If I got the chance to do it again, it would be a BBQ in the back yard.
I have been to formal, fancy weddings and backyard weddings, the back yard weddings win hands down for me.

Not that I’m trying to argue for it, if anything I’m the more cautious one who thinks we should keep looking but in the back of mind thinks we won’t get anything comparable 🤣

Would love a backyard bbq but no house/garden large enough, we have big families, plus we would like somewhere we on-site accommodation as we have a lot of people travelling.

But it’s not a formal day we are going for late afternoon wedding cocktails/canapés followed by an evening reception, we both ant the food to be a bit different as we aren’t having a wedding breakfast.

1997 so Ancient history. We paid(with a little help!) couldn’t afford a honeymoon. No regrets. All the people I loved, great memories. Best day and wouldn’t change a thing. Irish catholic so 95 to sit down, 250 at night.

Been to an intimate wedding, so everything paid for with just immediate family and friends . Maybe 30 people. Extras such as entertainment were beautiful, as they had the budget. Loved it and was amazing. I spoke to everyone and made lifelong friends.

Answer is... what do you want? Because you will love whatever day you want to have.

If you both want it- why not? You've both done it different ways before so have an educated opinion on why you want it. Go for it.

I didn't- we really wanted a new car and a holiday. We had a cheap wedding which ended up not being cheap!! But equally we didn't compromise on what we wanted e.g. food, drink, entertainment etc

@Lollypop701 I suppose I want the gorgeous backdrop, with the added benefit exclusive us and onsite accommodation with the flexibility to cater for our vision rather than shoehorn us into a package. Which thus venue does 😩

Use not us!! And this not thus 🤣

Mine was too big, invited people we didn’t want but his parents wanted, and they didn’t pay a penny towards it !!
No, small wedding and a great honeymoon is my ideal.

We only had a modest wedding, however we had a kickass honeymoon (funded by my parents, but besides the point) and THAT is what we look back on and cherish forever.

I do have fond memories of my wedding, but it was essentially a big party. The honeymoon was on another level. It was a 5* all inclusive in Bali though, so definitely fancier than my wedding.

@Mumdiva99 thanks I suppose that’s what I want to hear I’m always the cautious, sensible one putting others first and I suppose I want someone to say it’s ok to put myself first. My fiancé isn’t bothered about the money and wants to go and put the deposit down so this is all me 😩🤣

The other thing is we don’t have the option for a proper honeymoon we have 4 kids between us and the youngest (ours jointly) is only 10 1/2 months so we won’t we in a position for an adults only honeymoon, that might be an influencing factor.

Have you paid off your mortgage? If not, with 4DC to support in the current economic climate it seems inadviseable to spend thousands on a party.

We had a big (120ish guests) fairly traditional (but not church) wedding. It came in at about average cost at the time (20 years ago). We didn't borrow money to do it, already had property etc. I don't regret it for a second. So many happy memories. To me the "point" of getting married was to commit to each other surrounded by friends and family and to celebrate with them. (I come from a fairly large family and it causes problems if you invite cousin X but not cousin Y so it's all 25 of them or none at all).
Our compromise was having to take a cancellation date for about a year earlier than we had planned to get married to get our we loved it venue. DH was very involved - it was our day not mine and we picked and choose bits of tradition that suited us and dropped anything that didn't. I would do again in a heart beat. But at the end of the day it's the 20 years together, the good times and the tough times, the laughter and tears that actually count.

I did have my dream wedding and I find it quite insulting that you consider anything less than your ideal wedding to not be 'proper'. I had 6 guests and wore red - I would have been mortified to have a big wedding with lots of people looking at me. Have what you want, but don't imply there is something wrong with people having something less ostentatious.

We have 3 yougish kids so it was a family holiday.....but still good. Kids enjoyed it.

(Maybe don't empty all your savings...as the point about the mortgage is a bit valid). But still....if it's what you want then put yourself first.

Everything is relative but I do know many people find elaborate second weddings a bit odd, do what suits your situation. Personally I'm thinking a church ceremony followed by dinner in a favourite restaurant for our wedding if it happens, I'd feel bad inviting people knowing they had to pay for accommodation

Savings wouldn’t be touched, we would still have a family holiday but a honeymoon (adults only) would be saved for a later date.

@Superstardjs not meaning to be insulting I only had 9 people at my first wedding!! I suppose by proper (poor choice of words) I mean more traditional, ceremony with family/close friends followed by big party

We eloped - cost a few hundred.
We had the most beautiful and amazing day - wouldn't change a thing.

@movingonup20 no church for us, which I suppose is a consideration in venue and again numbers wise due to large families a venue is probably better than a restaurant.

Most of my family didn’t attend my first wedding so this would be their first and why shouldn’t a second be celebrated just as much as a first?? I ended up marrying an absolute arse of a man who cheated on me throughout the marriage , until I caught him out, I never went into marriage with the idea of divorce and my friends/family would say I couldn’t have given him more chances, my fiancé had a similar experience. This represents a new start not just for us as a couple but for us as a family.

At the point we will be having the wedding we will be putting money away in savings and be in a position to overpay on our modest mortgage, I totally appreciate everyone on the money front. I work with money for a living and am risk averse/cautious by nature.

We paid the equivalent of 25k for ours a few years ago (DH parents gave us 5k toward it & my mum bought my dress).

It was a tiny % of our savings at the time & it was perfect for what we wanted. We had an incredible weekend & did an extended family holiday leading up to it, so for us it was absolutely worth the money.

@Voice0fReason sounds wonderful but we want the day to be with our children, family, friends so not something we have considered.

It's one day. Why spend huge amounts on a day other people will be muttering about the expense of outfits and travel and presents, 3specially in Covid times. Have a holiday or use the cash for something useful. I don't think anyone cares about massive weddings anymore. Especially if it's not a first wedding.