Big/Expensive wedding -Regret or remember?

[emma8t4]

I’m looking for peoples opinions. Our background is both of us have been married before, my first wedding was abroad for budget reasons followed by big party at home. Fiancé had a traditional day, local church followed by local venue, wedding breakfast speeches etc etc.

We would both like a proper wedding to invite all our friends/family to celebrate dfiancé would like a wedding where he has an input (he didn’t last time, felt like he just turned up in the day) I would like the experience that I didn’t get last time.

Sooo... we have fallen in love with a venue which is expensive but we can afford it but compared to other places we could afford a wedding plus a holiday. The other places feel like a compromise in terms of how we see our day.

So my question is those if you who went all out for their dream wedding did you regret it when you look back and think of the day you could have had plus what extra things (holiday/house deposit/baby etc) you up could have afforded or are you happy with how much you spent/day you had??

I find the whole second wedding thing not being special enough to the warrant a big day quite insulting, my dad had a traditional wedding for his 3rd to my stepmum (my mum was number 2) it felt no less special than a first wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️

Our wedding was relatively modest for our day and circumstances (30 years ago). We had property and were early 30s. Marquee, caterers, modest cake, flowers, etc, but Pimms, fizz, beer on tap. 100 guests, late afternoon wedding so one breakfast and reception - no separate evening party.

Overall cost was about £6.5k including frock, etc, but not honeymoon.

It was the perfect country wedding. What was really important was the church service and the spirituality of the vows and the blessing of the rings was breathtaking in a way that was unexpected and indescribable.

@RosesAndHellebores sounds lovely but we need somewhere with accommodation on site due to the number of guests who need to travel/don’t drive.

Church isn’t an option so we need somewhere to do a civil service on site as well.

Late afternoon wedding/no wedding breakfast is something we’d like.

Small wedding. No regrets. Glad we did spend a fortune

*didn’t

@Avondklok if I were a guest I wouldn't be muttering about the cost. I would be pleased to be invited to a wedding of friends/family. After the year we've all had surely a lovely wedding woyld be a treat.

@emma8t4 we had an afternoon wedding with canapés, hot buffet, deserts, pizza supper. No formal wedding breakfast....just a nice relaxed party. It was fab.

@emma8t4 many of our guests needed accommodation and to travel. The London and hired a bus and had a whale of time and some booked into hotels/b&b' s within 5 miles of the reception and the ones staying locally went back the following day for lunch and drinks with my parents and grandparents and they all had a jolly good time - again - and rather impromptu

I love weddings and had quite a big but informal one - it was awesome and I don't regret it at all. Sounds to me like you want to go for it, so you should!

I had what I would consider a big wedding: 120 guests in central London. I partly did it for my parents. They had seen all their friend's kids get married with big weddings and I was the only one of three daughters to get married, and I was 40. I felt it was a chance for them to invite all their friends and have a big party, and even though in reality I did 90% of the planning and my husband paid for most of it, they still hosted it.
It was a fantastic afternoon and evening. Many of their friends came from abroad, and I think it was unforgettable. I would never want to do it again though - I'm a widow now (he died suddenly after 7 years) and if I ever got married again it would be very small and intimate.

If a big wedding is what you want and it will not put a real strain on your finances then go for it (by the way it's not like you are burning the money, you are employing people who rely on weddings for their livelihood).

Had a big wedding. Regret it now as we are divorcing!

It wasn't huge and it wasn't expensive (50 to day and 80 to evening). However, if we did it again it would just be very close family and a few friends. Although we had a lovely day there was an element of worrying whether everyone was okay. Also, most of the people who came to our wedding have either split up or we don't see them anymore.

We're not party people though and to be honest, I would be happy if it was just me and DH!

Big wedding. 250 guests at a top hotel. No regrets but we could afford it and didn't need to take out any loans. No regrets was an amazing day

I had a largeish wedding first time. It was perfect in terms of venue and location etc everything we wanted at the time. But i didn't really enjoy it as i felt overwhelmed.

Best most romantic wedding i have ever been too was at a registry office followed by the pub. Her first his second. 8 of us. It was romantic because it was not about a distracting dress or a venue but about the fact they adored one another. They did have a big bash several months later however.

I don't plan to marry my partner. But if i did i wouldn't expect friends or family to go to the expense of a second big day. I went to one second wedding that was awful as people chatted about the first time round wedding a lot, which i found disloyal and rude. I think i would feel more comfortable with sth smaller too.

But at the end of the day if its what you both want and you can afford it. Then why wouldn't you. Its you two that matter.

Thanks all, we have already made up our minds that a big do is definitely what we want it’s also what our friends/family want. we’ve been inundated with people asking about dates/invites etc. I think our families are especially keen to help us celebrate after seeing what we have both been through with our ex partners and seeing the year that we’ve had this year ( not woe is me I know other people are in much worse positions) Also on my partners side there hasn’t been a big wedding/party for a number of years so I think everyone is looking forward to getting the family together.

I think the dilemma is heart and head, venue we both adore that gives us everything we need/want or another venue that would be a compromise but would be cheaper. Like I’ve said before we are in the fortunate position to be able to afford it without debt or compromising current lifestyle/holiday etc. I’ve booked to look at some other venues so will weigh them all up.

Due to my DDad being terminally ill, DH and I married in a small registry office ceremony with a nice lunch after, 13 total and it was lovely.
However, we carried on with our plans for a bigger wedding later in the year and up until then it was the absolute best day of my life (beaten only by DD arrival this year)! £18kish, 120 people, would do it again in a heartbeat!

We spent approx £9k, split equally between us, my mum and MiL. It also allowed a 7 day honeymoon, 2 days in London and 5 days in Crete. It was absolutely perfect! The money was manageable, no debt and we look back on it with fond memories and talk about it from time to time (3.5 years married) No joke but I wouldn’t change a single thing.

We did village hall (hired it for the weekend, it had a licence) + street food vans. Spotify disco, no seating plans, did our own nibbles etc. It cost about £6,000 for 100 people (including lots of children) and due to the low cost we could offer a free bar, nice wine on the tables, loads of nice food and spent extra on flowers. Saved loads by not buying £££ outfits as well - I got my ("bridesmaids") dress in the M&S January sale for £36

Because we had the hall for the weekend, we DIY decorated it using tealights, flowers, bunting, strings of fairy lights etc. It looked beautiful.

It was worth saving the money IMO, because we could then splash out on the bits we liked. We had a brilliant day and all our guests raved (unprompted!) about what a good time they had & how relaxed it was, highlighting the food and wine (where we made sure to spend the money).

Ultimately, do what will make you both happy. I just wanted to let you know that it doesn't have to be £££ to be a perfect day.

@AdventureIsWaiting sounds lovely, I did all the above for my first wedding due to budget constraints except we had the ceremony abroad.

I suppose I wanted a different feel to this one rather than having to do everything myself (decorations/cakes/flowers etc) and this time I’m in the fortunate position of not having to do it myself as we have a healthy budget. We have also prioritised food/drinks and we are doing away with the wedding breakfast and doing a more intimate ceremony/cocktails/canapés followed by the evening reception. Both agreed we don’t want the formality of a sit down meal.

If you can afford it, go for it. We spent 14/9d (cost of the licence) on our wedding plus two tube fares. Just 6 other people there. We’ve never regretted it because it was the right thing to do for us.

If you're not having a sit down meal have you considered the fact that some guests may be travelling to the venue at lunchtime so no opportunity to eat much then, and will likely be starving by the time they may normally be expecting an evening meal. If all they're offered is canapes till about 9pm, say, if a buffet is served then expect some very hungry guests (and maybe drunk ones if they're drinking on empty stomachs!)

I'll always remember going to a relative's wedding at around 11.30, then going to the venue and being given nothing till the buffet at 9pm. At the venue we were taken to what was essentially the hotel bar so we felt we had to stay there, but there were just a few plates of sandwiches brought in for seemingly the older guests only and nothing else was offered around. DH and I ended up making an excuse to drive into the nearby town centre to get a McDonalds ha ha. I don't know how others managed with no food between breakfast and 9pm.

@CurlyhairedAssassin no we’ve thought of that and we remember the hungry feeling from weddings we’ve been to which is what we want to avoid. This won’t be the 3 canapés per person included in a venue package this will be substantial canapés the caterer actually calls them manapes, plus mini burgers/cones of chips for the kids (nothing worse than hangry kids) more like a hot buffet but served on platters by waiters.

Oh and the evening food will be more than a buffet, this is where some of the expense is, we are thinking grazing stations opened first followed by a hot option TBC something like a bbq/tapas inc paella we haven’t decided yet

Spent a lot of money on mine. Had kids, realised how expensive they were and wanted to kick myself for the stupidity.

When you start thinking about grazing stations I think it’s time to give your head a wobble or get more going on in your life if you don’t mind me saying.

It sounds like you’re both clear that this is what you want and the alternatives wouldn’t be, so if you can afford it; go for it.

I think it's madness with 4 kids. Put the money in Junior Isas for their education/ travel/ help when older. It's about the marriage not the wedding.

I see the younger ones in work planning these huge affairs and just don't get it, it all seems very narcissistic/ to please others/ for show. Why do you need to declare you love to all and sundry? Surely it's just the 2 of you and the kids who need to know?

Loads of people travelling and staying in accommodation is excessive. You will regret it.