Seating layout without top table

[StrongInside]

Hi,

Ok, I fully understand that I am talking about seating at a wedding that may or not take place this year, but things like this will still need to be done eventually, so I am keeping busy.

We don’t like the idea of a top table where you are on display with the chosen VIPs and have limited socialising options. I really dislike round tables because they are so typical of a wedding. Our venue has rectangular tables as an alternative. I don’t want to be sitting with our parents the whole meal because we speak to them every day, it’s a chance to mingle with our friends who we don’t see often.

We are having an informal style wedding with under 40 guests so I would like a layout with all tables joined in together and with maximum socialising potential, eg. E-shape or a cross. Any other ones like that? Horseshoe/ U-shape seem a bit business meeting-style and spread guests out too much. Long table limits the number of people you can chat to. I’m finding it difficult to decide where to place guests because we have such a mix of people: singles, couples, families with young kids. Out of these, some are just my friends who my partner doesn’t know well and some are just his friends.

I like when people sit on both sides of a table, but I don’t want to end up sitting opposite people I am not close with, like my partner’s mates, and equally, it would be weird if my friend’s partner, who my H2B has only met once, ended up sitting opposite H2B the whole meal. Every time I think I have nailed the seating chart, I find someone who doesn’t fit in well in at least one seat. Basically, I need a layout that keeps everyone quite close together, rather than separating guests into distinct groups and giving them a table each. E-shape still feels a bit ‘top-tabley’ with the long side of it.

Don’t worry about it. You’ll find that no matter where you sit, people will come and chat to you. People “not fitting” in the place you’ve put them literally does not matter, your meal will be a couple of hours (it passes as if it’s minutes) and people will get up between courses for a wander around anyway. Weddings guests almost expect to be sat next to someone they’ve never met, it’s the nature of a wedding, once the meal is over, everyone will revert to their preferred social group.

We've got 35 for our reception and we've asked for one long banquet table.

We'll arrange for the people who would have been on a top table to be closest to us on either side, and sit others next to people they already know so there's plenty chatter. We have considered changing seats between every course but suspect we won't bother.

We're 2nd timers though and we're fairly sure that all our guests will yap to everyone else anyway.

Just hope it happens this year!

I think that it would be boring sitting next to our parents vs our friends. I wouldn’t choose to hang out with his or my parents at any other party so this is where I am getting stuck. No matter what layout I choose when I am playing about with it, I always end up either sitting across from someone I don’t know well (eg. friend’s partner or my partner’s friend) or someone’s child (and I don’t even want my own right next to me for the meal, I want to have grown up chat and relax rather than deal with a tantrum or make sure my LO is not chewing on table decorations). I would like my close friends next and opposite me, but then they have partners and kids who need to be seated next to them so I am having to pick one or two out of three close friends to sit closer to me and that doesn’t seem fair on the others.

My husband and I sat together both of us facing the room and had loads of tables arranged around us with no one facing a wall or corner etc and got up in between courses to chat/people mingled.

We arranged tables of 8 with people from both sides or couple friends mixed together deliberately to manage the dynamics that could have been an issue if it was a free for all with so many of his family not on speaking terms.

If I ever remarry I will do the same as it was stress free.

Congratulations OP.

If you go for an E or X or similar, please be careful about putting people on internal corners. Even with spaces between the tables, it can be VERY tight on space.

We didn't have a traditional top table, but did have tables of ten. No kids. Each set of parents hosted their own tables. At our table we had a couple who had flown in from 3500 miles away, my husband's best friend and partner, a single friend who had flown in from 6000 miles away (my husband paid for her to fly in as she couldn't afford to - he was so generous) and I can't remember who else! Then we sprinkled everyone else around - trying to sit friends together or at least mix in people we thought would get on. During the dinner my husband and I went from table to table to chat to everyone.
It is a but of a nightmare - just wait until the night before when for whatever reason (we has a heart attack and a broken arm) some people cancel, and you have to juggle the seating plan after you have had it all printed up!

We had mostly round tables, but instead of a top table had an oval table so I could lipread people and not need to turn my head all the time.

Also our parents wanted to be on a table with other 'old people', which happened to make a table of 10, so we had various friends we hadn't seen in ages on our table so we could catch up.

@Friendsofmine Did you have a sweetheart table for just you two then? We have been together for so many years that we will be looking to chat to other people rather than just each other.

Pipandmum, that’s part of the problem- having several young kids there. Can’t not invite them- half are family, other half our close friends. Your reasons for picking people to sit with you make sense. Wish we had similar but everyone is local.

Did anyone have tables joined together? Curious not to see many forum posts about such layouts on other message boards too. I just don’t think it would work to have separate tables, because my partner’s handful of single friends plus my friends with partners and little kids don’t really sound like a fun mix but they aren’t big enough groups for separate tables.

I think such a large table would still make mingling tricky. We had round tables. We sat with Best man, chief bridesmaid plus partners and my Db and SIL. My parents had a table, so did DH's mum and one for his dad (they are separated and dont really get on). It was 4 courses then coffee and petit fours so between each course me and DH went to chat to a couple of tables. Got round everyone by the end of the meal.

I went to a wedding with long tables in an X formation last year, and didn't think it worked. It felt like school dinners. The X didn't make it any more sociable than if there'd been individual tables, and in many ways it was more restrictive and oppressive because there was less space to get up and move about and you were fixed looking over at someone else, whereas circular tables allow different people to chat more easily.

DH and I had round tables but no parents with us for the same reasons as you. Each set of parents had their own tables not near us.(!). We had our closest friends with us, and then other good friends at the nearest tables next to that. DH and I made sure the ones at our table were our closest friends, so no-one either of us barely knew.

I used to work weddings and what we used to call a 'sprig' formation sounds like something you are looking for. Similar to the E formation but depending on the venue you can have longer/more stretches of tables out from where you are. You'd be surprised then at how many people you are able to see and chat too if you're central.
You can then put the people with children towards the end of the 'sprigs'- it's just much easier for people to park a pram/make the countless toilet trips etc

I'd really recommend against sweetheart tables. They sound a lovely idea but when it comes to the day you literally are having to sit there and eat your dinner/chat being watched by everyone there, you feel very exposed. Even the most extroverted couples you can tell feel very uncomfortable it's as though you're an exhibit. I used to try and warn people away from them.

We had long trestle tables and let people sit wherever they wanted to. We reserved the middle part of the centre row of tables for us and our parents to sit at the start so we were in the thick of everyone but the whole crowd mingled and shifted as the night went on. It was great.

We had round tables but no seating plan - freedom! I ended up eating main course with one group of friends and dessert with a different group. I've no idea where my parents sat or who with!
A wedding I went to a while ago had a U shape but only people on either side of the two 'prongs'. The table along the top just had people on the outside.

A wedding I went to a while ago had a U shape but only people on either side of the two 'prongs'. The table along the top just had people on the outside.

We had exactly this for around 40. 8 on the top. Four lots of 8 on the prongs

Thanks everyone for your input. I was trying to word in my head what I’m stuck on at the moment and here it goes:

• There will only be one couple our parents’ age there and the woman is actually my friend, not my parents’ or partner’s parents’. So I want her near me, ideally.

• I can’t figure out how to seat my close friends near me. When I add up their partners plus kids, each family unit takes up three seats, and that means one friend next to me, then other friends have to be further away because of the first friend needing seats next to her for her partner and child. So, in this example, instead of me having three close friends surrounding me, I have one friend plus her kid and partner with whom I’m really not close with.

-I’m seating my own LO with the grandparents so that we can enjoy ourselves for a couple of hours with our friends, since it’s our day. So, I don’t want anyone’s kids sitting opposite me or next to me, some grown up conversation is what I’d rather have.

I think the issue is if you are inviting kids, their parents will continue to be parents at the reception so unless you have a kids table not sure how you can do it...round tables carefully engineered so that your friends won't end up facing the other way to feed/get their kids to eat?

@KotoMoto That’s what we don’t have- my close friends are mine an his friends are from his school/work. So we hang out with them separately, and we don’t go on double dates with their partners either, so we are bound to have an odd group if we bundle our close friends together.

@longhaulstress That’s the difficulty I am having- putting families on the ends makes sense but I am closer to them than our other friends:/
Oh no, I don’t see the point of a sweetheart table, definitely not for us.

And definitely can’t do no seating plan at all, it would be mayhem, in my opinion. Single seats left where a couple need to fit in, family with a young child ending up among loud drinkers. Hope someone can solve my dilemmas from the previous post.

I wouldn't bother sitting any friends with small kids near you. They will spend 99% of their meal dealing with their own dcs.

Better to put families with similar kids near one another, pick your most entertaining childless friends to sit around you. Have no one in front of you and dh - put maybe a nice floral arrangement and candles in the place where plates would have been.

That way you can both see the room nice and easily and others can see you both too.

We had a U shape and everyone aside from dh and I had people opposite them.

@Friendsofmine Our venue did say that round tables are what most of their couples have used. That’s the very reason I hate round tables- they are as boring and overused as having a top table, long speeches, white three tiered iced cake and fishbowl centrepieces on mirror plates. Wish I wanted a typical wedding. And even if we planned a round table with our closest friends, it would just take two of my friends with partners and kids plus me and DH to take up the whole table, no space for DH’s friends to sit with us then.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll have to do re: families with young kids. I secretly hope some of the guests decide to leave them at home with grandparents😬 I know if I had a chance to unwind with my partner I would not be taking my toddler with me!

Did you not feel a bit isolated from your guests and on display? I really want to avoid both of those things so definitely want to blend in rather than be seen. There is only so much you can talk to your DH about that whole time, no?😊

No because we had a small gathering- so the upward parts of the U came down from the people to my and dh immediate sides. We had people wrapped right around it.

And no one actually leaves you alone to be honest. There was always someone coming up to our seats between courses.

I’ve been playing around with seating this morning and still so stuck. Even I go for bog standard separate tables rather than a shape that brings us together, I am struggling with families taking up three seats each while my partner has several close single friends who he’d want on our table too. Can’t fit anyone in:/

Have you sent the invites yet?

Have you thought about a picnic wedding? Don't know if thats practical with the weather but some friends of ours had a picnic type wedding, loads of blankets around on the garden, buffet & BBQ station for food and then people had their own blankets and the B&G sat with everyone and chatted at different courses. It was so informal and absolutely fabulous - maybe something to think about?